Sing A Lullaby
by Cev
Summary: UPDATE Dec 15, Chp 20 is up. Hitomi and Van's hormones present a little gift for Hitomi...or her womb, rather. Hitomi is forced to take care of this on her own, until she's back on Gaea, with Van fighting to get back Hitomi and his son!
1. Kanzakis Dont Like Surprises

Oy! Welcome to my first installment of "Sing A Lullaby", my second Escaflowne fanfic *cheers*! "I'll Cry Instead" is doing well with its reviews, I'm so happy with it, but I wanted to approach something a bit different.  
  
So here we go. . please make sure to make a donation to the review box down at the bottom, there are so many less fortunate than thou.  
  
Disclaimer: You know the drill *stop, drop, and roll!* Though I'd never be able to own Escaflowne, I do hope that all of you will acknowledge that the words typed out below this ARE credited to MY little fingers.  
  
On with the show!  
  
P.S. I went through it again and made some corrections. Hitomi's now three months pregnant. Sorry about the mistake!  
  
***  
  
Sing A Lullaby  
  
By Cev  
  
Chapter One: Kanzaki's Don't Like Surprises  
  
***  
  
"It could just be abnormal," Hitomi mumbled out, staring at the calendar in front of her, "I mean . . . I'm still just an adolescent, this doesn't mean . . ."  
  
She gulped, staring at the numbers on the slip of paper in front of her, and tearing it off so that the date for today replaced its presence on the notebook. A loud rapping came from her door. Hitomi jumped sharply, as if she was getting caught doing something wrong.  
  
"WHAT?" She yelled in annoyance.  
  
The door creaked open, and Hitomi's brother, Mamoru, threw a box at her and laughed, "Mom got you these at the store. Said you might need 'em." He chuckled (you know, that evil little brother's chuckle), and laughed even harder when Hitomi nailed him in the head with a shoe, her face red, and screamed, "Piss off!!"  
  
She huffed a bit, but settled herself, and looked back at the box, her blush subsiding as her brows knitted together in concern. The tampon- filled box glared at her with a supreme hate, and Hitomi shoved them into her trash bin, inhaling sharply, and trying to slowly exhale to calm her nerves.  
  
Oh, no, Hitomi Kanzaki wouldn't need Ms. Tampax's help anytime soon.  
  
***  
  
Yukari's vibrant red hair bounced back and forth, as the young student turned the pages of her book, her head bobbing along with the rhythm of a reverberated beat from the headphones hooked into her ears, a small black chord linking the blue headset to a round, silver CD player, from which a spinning sound could be heard, if one listened hard enough. Yukari popped her happy face from the door to her room, watching Hitomi lean over the pot in front of her, stirring a red sauce thoughtfully, and then returning to the chopping board behind her, her somewhat skilled hands holding a white onion in place as she cut it with precise, liquid movements. Yukari watched in awe at the dance of knife and hand, and the flowing, yet sharp way the knife moved across the vegetable, cutting it in a perfect motion. Hitomi's honey brown bangs hung low over her eyes, hiding her eyes and her emotions, and the girl seemed completely engrossed in her cooking.  
  
Yukari waited patiently, until Hitomi had finished her chopping, and was now pouring olive oil into a thick pan beside the other three on the stove. "Hey, Chef Kanzaki!" Yukari chimed, smiling broadly at her friend. Hitomi, on the other hand, had jumped at least a foot in the air.  
  
"Yukari!" Hitomi breathed, as if the girl had committed some heinous crime, "You scared the living shit out of me!"  
  
Yukari's left brow lifted considerably at her friend's very unladylike comment, and smiled as Hitomi clamped a hand over her mouth at the realization of her sudden outburst of foul words, a scared look on her face.  
  
"Jeeze, Hitomi," Yukari said, picking up Hitomi's chopping knife and pointing it at her threateningly, "These days I hardly think your mind is anywhere but on Earth."  
  
Hitomi chuckled at the comment. How ironic and true it was.  
  
"You're always so serious. Is there something wrong that you're not telling me?" Yukari asked, jabbing the knife at her brunette friend playfully.  
  
Hitomi gently shoved the knife away with her index finger, "Put that away before you hurt yourself," she sighed, plucking the knife out of Yukari's hands, "And yes, I have been quite worried, what with exams coming up. You should be, too, Miss Uchida."  
  
Yukari glared at her friend, leaning back on the counter and sliding up to sit on the top, but for the time being, accepted the excuse. Hitomi was very smart and talented, but she was always worried about school, unlike Yukari and Amano, who were very much laid back about it. "Don't worry, Hitomi." Yukari said, but smiled, knowing whatever she said wouldn't ease her friend, "You know, your worrying so much is not only going to give you and all of your friends gray hairs by the time they're twenty, but more likely receding hairlines, too. You wouldn't want that, now would you?"  
  
Hitomi rolled her eyes, returning her attention to the food in front of her. She loved Yukari very much, she was like her long lost sister, but she couldn't help but being a bit annoyed. She and Amano never took things as seriously as they should (or at least, that's what she thought). Hitomi thoroughly studied her marinara sauce before starting to bread her chicken. "Yukari, will you try this?" Yukari replied with a happy agreement. Mostly, anything Hitomi made was good. She took a spoon from her mother's sink, and stuck it in the pot, pulling it out and to her lips. She gulped down the sauce, but her nose crinkled, and she looked up at Hitomi with concern.  
  
Hitomi saw Yukari's disgusted face, and immediately went into defense mode. Hitomi Kanzaki was a tad over protective of her food, "What's wrong?"  
  
"It's not horrible . . .but . . ."  
  
"But what?"  
  
"Well, you taste."  
  
Hitomi did so, and took a bite with Yukari's spoon. She looked at it thoughtfully, confused a bit, then looked back at her redheaded friend, "It tastes fine. What's your problem?"  
  
Yukari shoved Hitomi out of the way. For goodness sake, the girl did have an ego. Now Yukari would go and have to fix up Hitomi's food. She wasn't the best of cooks, but she wasn't as bad as that sauce was. Yukari ignored Hitomi's grumbling and annoyed voice, but shoved a piece of garlic bread at her friend, who rejoiced happily, hugged Yukari, and went off, chewing happily on the carbohydrate packed food.  
  
The Uchida family had Hitomi over many nights for dinner, and even more so when Hitomi began to learn the joys of cooking wonderful, wonderful food, that everyone seemed to enjoy. Lately, however, Hitomi had hardly cooked for anyone, not even her own family. Her tasters were way off, she tried to explain, and for a while, they all seemed to believe her. However, on one not-so-joyous occasion, Hitomi had come over for a weekend with Yukari, happily bringing in her books and papers with her to her friend's room, at the prospect of studying for their Algebra II test that was sneaking up on them from behind the corner of a slimy high school hall way.  
  
Yukari was laid out across her bed, her books littering the covers, and was thoughtfully writing something in her notebook, ever so often scanning one of her textbooks. Hitomi was in a similar situation, being propped up against the bed, reading over a packet of papers, a calculator at her side, explaining the use of tangent lines on circles to a bubbly blonde sitting across from her, who was leaning against the wall casually, and uncharacteristically pulled into a deep concentration. Their mutual friend, Davan, had eagerly agreed to help the two with their studies. Davan was the usual playful class clown, but she kept her bright personality buried underneath books for this occasion.  
  
The engrossed redhead on the bed released a sigh, and then turned to Hitomi and Davan. "I think I've had enough for right now. Anyone hungry? I know you are, Hitomi."  
  
Hitomi was in mid-sentence of her explanation, and playfully glared at her friend. Yukari smirked slightly. Lately, Hitomi had been eating as if she were storing up for winter. It was really unusual. Hitomi was a great cook; she even had the potential to become a great chef when she became older, but the girl never indulged in anything. Hitomi disliked too many sweets, too much fast food, and too much grease. But over the last few weeks, she had wolfed down all of the above, and more. "My mom said we could eat dinner in here. Davan, are you going to stay tonight?"  
  
Davan shook her head, her blonde waves bouncing slightly. Her brown eyes locked with Yukari's, and she gave her an apologetic smile, "Sorry. I have to get up early tomorrow for work, and I have to look after my sisters tonight." Davan quickly piled her books and shoved them into her backpack. Davan peered thoughtfully at Hitomi when she was about to walk out of the front door to take her leave, but paused at the entrance, and wrapped Hitomi in a hug. Mrs. Uchida and the rest were waving goodbye, and Davan pulled Hitomi outside with her, still hugging her. Davan hid her face behind Hitomi's, so that the family in he house couldn't tell that she was whispering into Hitomi's ear, "I know I'm acting weird, but I have a strange feeling something is going on that Yukari and I don't know about. Hitomi, where ever you're going or whatever you're doing, please be careful." With that said, the blonde turned to the Uchida's, waved, and walked off down the street without a second look back.  
  
Hitomi shivered slightly from the cool night air, and held her arms, staring at the gate where Davan had just been. Did she know? That's stupid, Hitomi thought, how could she know the truth? Hitomi shook her head, and joined Yukari, who led her to her room, and left for the kitchen. The second the door to the kitchen swung open, Hitomi covered her nose at the foul smell. What were they cooking in there? Yukari came bounding out, two plates in her hands.  
  
"Should be good tonight. Red fish! My mom hardly cooks it, but she knows how much you like it!" Yukari said, shoving a plate under Hitomi's nose.  
  
Hitomi's whole body tensed when the plate was so rudely shoved in her face, her stomach bubbling violently, and her throat contracting. Hitomi's nose scrunched up, but she found herself wobbly when she tried to get up, and her hands flew to her stomach and mouth.  
  
"Hitomi?" Yukari asked with concern, "What's wrong?" But Hitomi just shoved her friend out of the way, and dashed for Yukari's bathroom, slamming the door behind her. Yukari's wide eyes blinked a few times, trying to comprehend what was happening. Hitomi was making disgusting retching sounds behind her bathroom door, and Yukari looked down at the fish in her hands. It couldn't be that bad, could it?  
  
Suddenly, as if a light had been implanted in Yukari's brain and clicked on, Yukari's face widened with realization. She hurriedly disposed of the dinner in the kitchen, grabbed a glass of water and washcloths, and locked her door shut, luckily without receiving any questions from her family. Hitomi's retching had halted, but the bathroom was disturbingly quiet. Yukari gently pushed the door open, and kneeled beside Hitomi. Her honey hair was matted against her sweaty face, and she shook violently. Yukari gently pushed Hitomi's bangs away from her face, and pulled back the rest of her long hair behind her face. With a cool, damp, cloth, Yukari gently wiped Hitomi's face. Hitomi had a defeated look on her face, and she was absorbed in a dark, thoughtful mood.  
  
Yukari took a sharp breath in, and tilted Hitomi's head up so that she could press the cloth to her forehead, but more so to look straight into Hitomi's green eyes. Her friend was not going to weasel herself out of this one. "Hitomi, what's going on?" Yukari asked firmly, staring at Hitomi with a concerned but strong gaze.  
  
Hitomi tired to turn her head, but Yukari kept it in place, so she resulted in moving her eyes away from Yukari's probing stare, "You know, maybe your mother should check the quality of that red fish. She might be able to get her money back."  
  
"There's nothing wrong with the fish," Yukari stated flatly, "What is it you're not telling me? Because you've been acting rather strange lately, and there's only one answer that clears your actions."  
  
Hitomi stiffened. Was she so obvious? She tried to calm down, "And what would that be?" She tightly said.  
  
"Are you pregnant, Hitomi?" Yukari asked gently, pulling her hand and cloth away from Hitomi's flushed face. It all fit together. Her inability to cook, her puking morning and night, the fish, her eating so much . . .  
  
Hitomi looked down at her hands, her face conveying pain. Yukari took in a deep breath. This was not good. How could Hitomi be pregnant? How could the most responsible person she knew get herself knocked up? Yukari's concern soon turned to anger. Hitomi had so much to give! And now she had thrown it all away!  
  
"You have to get rid of it." Yukari said angrily.  
  
Hitomi shook her head sadly. She knew how stupid she'd been. If it was anyone's fault, it was definitely hers. Every person that knew her certainly had a right to be angry. Well, with the exception of Van. And why hadn't he come back yet, anyway? It had been a whole month now . . . what was going on in Gaea? It was his fault, too. Damn their hormones, Hitomi thought.  
  
"You know that story I told you? About what happened when I left?"  
  
Yukari looked up at Hitomi. Had a man on Gaea done this to her? Damnit, Yukari thought, this was getting more complicated by the moment. "Yes." She said, her voice clipped in anger.  
  
"Van. From Gaea."  
  
Yukari's fear was concluded, and the redhead cursed fiercely. "Have you tested?"  
  
Hitomi's head nodded, the tears welling up in her eyes, "At least six times! They were all pink!"  
  
Yukari's anger was washed away with Hitomi's desperate tone. She reached over and hugged her friend, trying to soothe her sobs. "What about your mom and dad? Do they know? Does Van know?" Hitomi shook her head, and Yukari sighed, looking down at Hitomi's brown hair, "We have to tell them, and soon."  
  
With that, Yukari gave Hitomi the water, and soon she fell asleep under Yukari's purple bed sheets, snoring softly. Yukari rolled out a futon beside the bed, and climbed in, but unable to see Hitomi from the height of the bed frame. Yukari tried to breathe evenly, but found that it was quite a difficult task. This week, she would go with Hitomi, and break the ice. She looked up at her friend, but her only view was a mass of blankets. Hitomi's life would never be as she planned, if anything, Yukari never believed Hitomi would get married, or do the three and one half kids, being a stay at home mom with a minivan. Hitomi's talent for cooking, her smart, quick wit, and independent nature set her well a part from the usual giddy girls whose greatest dream was to be a bride.  
  
But now, Hitomi had gotten pregnant by some man from Gaea, and all of her aspiring dreams would be cut down. They WERE cut down. Yukari's brows knitted together. Yukari had never believed in Gaea from the stories Hitomi told her. How could she? Another planet? But that thought was abolished, especially after a very handsome black-haired, wine-eyed teenage boy came to Hitomi's house one night, about three months ago, while Yukari was there. Hitomi had explained everything then and there between her and 'Van', something that Hitomi had failed to mention when she retold her adventures of Gaea. With a blinding blue light, she had vanished with him, but returned the next night with a very tousled look, and a beaming smile. Yukari smirked to herself. It must have been then that the deed was done, because Hitomi hadn't gone back since that occasion, even though he had come the Earth once. Yukari frowned at that thought. Van hadn't come to see Hitomi in quite a while. Her thoughts suddenly were clouded over with sadness. This Van was an important figure on Gaea, a King, if she remembered correctly. When Hitomi told Van, he would keep her there on Gaea, and Yukari would hardly see her.  
  
Yukari had seen the way the young man had looked at her friend, and his loving stare, the kind that a husband would give his wife, one that held so much love and tenderness. Whenever Hitomi talked about him, everything about her would inflame with a happy, glowing light. She would go with Van back to Gaea. It would be better that way. Hitomi would be taken care of by someone that loved her, and she would have a future there. A pregnant sixteen-year-old had hardly any good future on earth, especially not in Japan. Yukari's thoughts were gently cut off as sleep claimed her, her eyelids ending her inner turmoil, but just for tonight.  
  
The next day was Monday, and Hitomi had managed to pull Yukari out of bed for school. The next few days went smoothly enough, and Hitomi's pregnancy wasn't mentioned again until Saturday came, with Yukari sitting next to Hitomi across from the Kanzakis, with Mamoru, Hitomi's little brother, sitting on the end of the dining table, watching with curiosity. Yukari watched as Hitomi looked down at her hands, carefully tracing the edge of what looked like a platinum ring. It was rather beautiful, and two simple stones, seemingly clear, but when light hit them one could see the red light from one stone and green from inside it, were mounted on it, amongst beautifully crafted swirls of the platinum metal, slightly dusted with green. It looked very expensive, and as if it took centuries to create. She held another ring in her left palm, and the band was much thicker than the other, with a red seal mounted on it, but Yukari couldn't make out the image. Hitomi's eyes closed as her hands clasped the rings, and she looked as if she were trying to collect her energy and courage.  
  
"Hitomi, what's going on?" Her father asked, concern filling his voice.  
  
Yukari reached under the table and gave her friend's hand a gentle squeeze. Hitomi looked at her, and Yukari gave her a little smile, one that said, "It's okay, I'm here for you." Hitomi beamed back at her, but her eyes filled to the brim with sadness. Yukari looked back to Mr. And Mrs. Kanzaki, making the first move, "You know vaguely of what happened to Hitomi last year," she said towards Mrs. Kanzaki, her statement brushing the edge of a question.  
  
Mrs. Kanzaki looked at Hitomi, and shook her head to clear the cobwebs, "I knew you were going to follow in your grandmother's footsteps, but Hitomi, you've hardly spoken to us about it, something that troubles us all . . ." the woman paused, her soft eyes suddenly becoming dark and hurt, "And let me tell you," Her voice was clipped in an angry tone that made Hitomi flinch, "You are one lucky girl, running off for all that time and not even telling us what was going on, and yet we still are lenient!!!"  
  
Mr. Kanzaki set his hand over his wife's, trying to calm her. She glared at him, "And how can you just take this subject without getting angry?"  
  
He smiled, coming to his daughter's rescue, "As I recall, there was a certain person that was taking care of Hitomi while she was gone, and even so, Aya, we could do nothing at the time to stop her from leaving."  
  
Hitomi sighed, thankful of her father backing her up, but still blushed slightly. She knew he was talking about Van. She had brought the young King to meet the family before, and although Hitomi's mother was very unpleased to know that he was the boy that took her Hitomi away from her, Mr. Kanzaki, always being quite laid back, had welcomed Van with interest, always asking him questions, which Van happily replied. It seemed that Van and Hitomi's father had hit it off quite well, which was Hitomi's worst fear when she had brought him to her house. And Mamoru was always excited when Van came for his monthly visit, but the boy had no idea he was a King of a country of an alien world, that would prove to be too dangerous for the young boy's mouth to handle. Everything turned out very different of what she thought would happen. Hitomi would have expected her mother to welcome Van with open arms, and her father to be breathing down the poor King's neck, but it was the exact opposite. Hitomi's thoughts darkened. Why hadn't Van come yet? Next week it would be two moon's time since he had last visited, and she was getting anxious.  
  
Folding her arms across her chest, Mrs. Kanzaki glowered at her husband, but then cast her heated glare to her now trembling daughter. Hitomi knew the subject of Van was a sore one for all of her family, but this had to come out. Yukari led the way again, and Hitomi found another sad smile creep on her features. She was so lucky to have Yukari as her friend. Even though what had happened last year had distanced them more than ever, they patched their friendship up within a week when she came back.  
  
"Actually, Mr. Kanzaki," Yukari said slowly, choosing her words carefully, "That certain person is why Hitomi called for your attention like this." Gently she nudged Hitomi, who looked over at her brother's innocent and smiling face. She didn't want him to hear this, not yet.  
  
"Mamoru, go to your room." Hitomi said firmly.  
  
"What?" The little boy asked, his mouth dropping open. His sister giving him an order? "No way. You can't tell me what to do."  
  
"Go to your room," their mother snapped, feeling the anxiety in the moment. Her anger was just rising every second. Mamoru jumped slightly at his mother's tone, but scurried up the stairs, but paused when he was sure they couldn't see him. "And don't try hiding, either." Mrs. Kanzaki shouted, but all there was for a reply was the soft pound of Mamoru's feet against the wood, traveling up and over their heads.  
  
Hitomi shook her head. He would find out eventually, but she didn't want his immature behavior present when she broke the news. He would only make matters worse. Yukari nudged her again in her ribs, and she glared at her hands for a moment, but gathering her courage, looked up into her parent's concerned (not to mention, confused) faces. "Van took me back to Fanelia about a three months ago. You know, for his birthday?"  
  
"Yes, you told us about it." Mr. Kanzaki said, eyeing his daughter carefully.  
  
"Well, you see, he proposed to me." Hitomi said, looking down at her clenched hand. And opened it, staring at the rings Van had given her.  
  
Yukari's eyes went wide, also staring at the two rings. This was new information! Why hadn't Hitomi mentioned it?  
  
"No! I forbid you!" Mrs. Kanzaki shouted, standing up, "You haven't even finished school yet!"  
  
Hitomi shook her head, "You don't understand, we'd have a long engagement. I'd finish school. But you have to realize, my future studies would be there with him. I need to learn the government so I could take on the responsibilities, and many other subjects. It wouldn't end my life here, though. Van has come here relatively every month, and I would be able to do the same if I lived there. You cannot worry about any insecurity, either. Van is a King, you know."  
  
Mrs. Kanzaki sat back in her chair, eyeing her daughter with thoughtful, but still very unsettled, eyes. It was then that she realized how mature Hitomi had become. A very strong difference was made last year, when she had returned from Gaea for the second time. She would always be Hitomi, playful and optimistic, but she certainly looked at things differently than most people her age. Mr. Kanzaki even believed that she had matured to a calmer and wiser state than she and her father, something that surprised her mother. She always had a short fuse, and her daughter did, too, but lately Hitomi had been able to take her emotions, stuff them in a bottle, and speak calmly.  
  
Mrs. Kanzaki looked back at her husband, who was lost in his own thoughts, leaning against the dining table, and staring attentively at the tablecloth. He smiled slightly, and looked up at Aya Kanzaki, silently asking for her approval. He already had his answer to the question. His wife gave a slow, hesitant nod, and Keiichi Kanzaki looked back at his daughter, "There would be conditions." Hitomi's right eyebrow lifted questioningly, and her father went on, "Holidays must be with us, and you have to visit every month. You'll have to graduate, and when you do leave, you have to keep a calendar of our time system."  
  
Hitomi happily nodded. Now to move on to the next piece of information, hoping that this wouldn't change anything too much that they had just decided upon. Ignoring the hurt and angry glare Yukari threw towards her, Hitomi continued, "Okay. I agree. But there's something else, something very important."  
  
Yukari snorted, but everyone ignored it, and Mrs. Kanzaki eyebrows rose, "Oh? And what is that?"  
  
Hitomi gulped slightly. Van's proposal had been easy, but this topic would be far from it, "On his birthday, we didn't just get engaged."  
  
"I'll certainly say." Yukari mumbled, crossing her arms, her supportive nature now long gone. How could Hitomi not tell her that Van had proposed to her?  
  
"And what exactly is that?" Mrs. Kanzaki asked with a cold, slow voice.  
  
Hitomi looked to Yukari for support. All of a sudden, she couldn't use her voice. Yukari gently nudged her, her cold stare slowly fading. Hitomi thought about it for a moment, keeping her parents, unknowingly, at the edge of their seats. Aya Kanzaki knew inwardly what she was going to say, but prayed to Kami it wouldn't be what she thought.  
  
"I'm pregnant." Came Hitomi's emotionless voice, her green eyes staring into her father's brown ones. How else was she supposed to tell them? She most certainly wasn't about to tell them in tears.  
  
Mrs. Kanzaki's heart fell through the floor. Instead of exploding with a screeching voice, Hitomi's words had triggered the bomb to implode, and Aya felt as if she were going to fall out of her chair at the shock of these words. Keiichi was the one to knock over he chair when he stood, shouting, "WHAT?!?!"  
  
Hitomi looked down, trying to hide her shame from her mother and father's eyes.  
  
"How could you do something so irresponsible?" Mr. Kanzaki yelled, "Hitomi, I thought you were smarter than that! Does Van know? That place is backwards; you could die there if you had a child! And furthermore-"  
  
Hitomi shut his words out, drowning out everyone in the room. He was right. How could she have done something to jeopardize her future, and more importantly, Van's future? People could count. If she married him now, the Fanel House would be shamed.  
  
Hitomi ran from the dining room up to her room, cutting her father's angry words off, and leaving Yukari alone with them. Keiichi Kanzaki slammed his fist on the table, and stormed out, slamming the door to his bedroom. Mrs. Kanzaki stared at where her husband once was, and closed her eyes, looking at Yukari, and sighed, her short fuse suddenly becoming a bit longer. Anger wouldn't help anything right now. The decision rested upon Van, and in Gaea. "Yukari," the redhead jumped slightly, opening her mouth to offer some kind of explanation, but Mrs. Kanzaki stopped her, raising her hand, "You don't have to say anything. The rest is up to Van and Hitomi. Will you go with her?"  
  
Yukari stood from the table, and walked around it, hugging Mrs. Kanzaki, "We'll be back, no matter what the circumstance. Hitomi will finish school, and whatever happens, she will be pregnant here. I won't have her throw her life away." Mrs. Kanzaki smiled through tears, hugging Yukari back. She couldn't believe she was actually giving them permission to do this.  
  
Yukari raced up the stairs to Hitomi's room, her heart pounding. When she got there, Hitomi had already opened the door, a tan canvas bag in her hands. Hitomi looked at her friend with questioning eyes, and Yukari smiled, closing Hitomi's door behind her. The two girls ran together towards Yukari's house, a threatening thundercloud looming overhead.  
  
***  
  
Hitomi pulled the hood of her jacket closer around her head, trying to shut out the stinging rain. It came in hard, cold droplets, and covered her with such a foul feeling of being so alone. Hitomi's head raised a bit, her nose just barely missing that of the haughty level.  
  
She was going to do this.  
  
She was going to be strong.  
  
But she hadn't said goodbye to any of them. She knew it was a mistake, and that she would have to suffer her mother's wrath later, but it wouldn't matter. This time, she would be coming back to explain everything, and she would be coming back with Van. Hitomi just prayed that he would understand. Hitomi looked at her friend beside her, Yukari's jean jacket, a bad choice, was whipping against her from the wind, and she pulled her hat over her ears. Yukari caught Hitomi's eyes, and smiled warmly, looping her arm with Hitomi's, and giving her friend a reassuring squeeze. "Everything will work out." Yukari said.  
  
"I hope so," Hitomi said, as they climbed the steps up to the Shrine. Yukari pulled a black duffle bag over her shoulders, and tightened the straps of her purple backpack. She didn't know what to expect of the blue column of light, and wasn't about to take a risk of loosing her belongings. Hitomi grinned, knowing why her friend was shifting so uncomfortably. Hitomi clasped both of her hands with Yukari's, and they laughed slightly, standing there in the shrine's courtyard. "Are you sure you want to do this, Yukari?"  
  
Yukari grinned, "As sure as I can be! Besides, I'm very curious to see what this Gaea is like."  
  
"Curiosity killed the cat."  
  
"Yes, well, besides the fact that that is a cliché, and that most cliché's are always wrong, I am not a cat."  
  
Hitomi smiled mischievously, "Yes, well, you'll be meeting a cat or two."  
  
Before Yukari could question this odd statement, Hitomi had closed her eyes, and blue light began to gather and shine through a circle at their feet, growing in proportion, and soon engulfing Yukari and Hitomi, covering Yukari's eyes with such a blinding light, she thought she'd never see anything again.  
  
Hitomi's eyes opened, and she looked gently at her friend, who was looking quite franticly around her, staring at Hitomi with awe. Hitomi just squeezed Yukari's hands, and looked up into the sky, silently praying, and her wish to by on Gaea stretching out between the two worlds, growing with intensity, and filling her heart. She imagined Van's face, and his laughter, with his open arms coaxing her to him, smiling lovingly at her. However, red began to seep through her vision, and Hitomi's eyes with drawn closed, her lids covered in red. Hitomi screamed and reached out for Yukari, clinging to her like she was her lifeline. Yukari's eyes widened at Hitomi's action, and watched in terror as the ground sunk, lifting her feet, defying gravity, and the earth slowly disappeared beneath her, the two figures being lost in darkness.  
  
***  
  
*sigh* Finally! Help the needy and review!  
  
~Cev 


	2. The Storm is Rising

Hey! Long time no see (not really, but . . .whatever . . .^^; )! Haha! Okay, the stones on Hitomi's ring are energists. But a purer form, I guess. I didn't just want her to have a red and green stone. That would be boring. Okay, imagine looking into a diamond. When light filters through it, many colors bounce around, ne? With these stones, all the light reflected off from one is green, and the other stone it's all red. It's just as if you would see a crystal, only instead of a rainbow of colors, it's just red and green (depending on which stone you're looking at, anyways). Oh, and the stones are small. Nothing big and flashy, ya know? I hate gaudy stuff. Besides, Van doesn't exactly have a lot of money right now, rebuilding Fanelia and all. I don't know why I'm going into such a description about it (well, I'm an artist, so I guess I'm obsessed with explaining my ideas. Gomen, minna!! *bow*!).  
  
ANYWAY! I'm so happy everyone likes the story so far. Oh, and I did read Preview: Nine Months. It's very good, I'm a bit saddened that there's another story out there like mine, but dillpops did write their story before me! Anyway, I read it, and don't worry, I'm steering clear of similarities. Besides, Hitomi wants to be a chef in my story (yum . . .food! ^_^), and that will play a big part of what's in store for her future. Hmm.no, Hitomi's pregnancy won't be in Gaea. Sorry ya'll, but that's all I'm going to say. Don't fret! This is about Hitomi and Van, but also about the child, too.  
  
Wow, Cynthia, thank you so much (for the commentary)! Yes, teen pregnancy is a big deal in our world today, and statistics of teenage mothers just rise and rise. If someone says that this generation is no different than others in the past, that's a grave mistake. Times change things, kiddies. Time to be mature. I'm very against premarital sex. Not doing this prevents a lot of problems: abortion, giving up children, etc. Unfortunately for issues like rape and abuse, these options are needed. But yes, being up front about your pregnancy is the only way to deal with the problem before it gets out of hand. Whether it be that parents/guardians take the news well or not, honesty will always prove to be best, no matter the situation. Hitomi is blessed. She has Gaea: a place where teenage pregnancy is common. Of course, I rarely write anything but happy endings, so please, no one get it into their heads that I'm trying to say that teen pregnancy is a-ok, because it is not. Understand? Good. Whew! Sorry! Let's get to the important business of this update, eh? ^_^ Here we go!  
  
***  
  
Sing A Lullaby  
  
By Cev  
  
Chapter Two: The Storm is Rising  
  
***  
  
Yukari's eyes fluttered open, to find herself staring into a black sky, with no stars, and no light. "Are we here?" She asked skeptically, trying to lift her pounding head, but it refused to move, she tried again, pulling it inches above the ground, but it felt as if all the blood in her body had gathered together along the backside of her body, pulling her down and anchoring her to the ground. A warm hand gently pushed her down.  
  
A dark, wet figure sat beside her, and Yukari could make out the gleaming emerald eyes of Hitomi Kanzaki. "What happened?" Yukari asked, looking up into forest eyes, and staring at the droplets of water dripping from Hitomi's hair. But her brain answered her question, replaying what had happened at the shrine, "Why did you scream? What went wrong? Are . . .are we really here?" She gulped. Hitomi telling her about Gaea and actually being on it were two different things. Yukari's heart pounded roughly in her chest.  
  
"Yes, we're on Gaea, but you can't see the Earth and moon in the sky. The screaming . . I had a vision." Hitomi said darkly, looking up into the sky, pulling her wet hair from her face, and hugging herself for warmth. Definitely getting the feeling that her friend didn't want to say anything more, Yukari questioned her no more, and instead stared up at the sky as well, noticing that it held no sparkling stars, and that the blackness covering their heads seemed to be moving and twisting in peculiar patterns and swirls. Yukari blinked, trying to understand what had just occurred within the last few moments, but nothing came to her. "It's just a storm coming, that's why there aren't any stars," Hitomi explained, as if she knew what Yukari was thinking then and there.  
  
A sudden chill ran down Yukari's spine, and she locked gazes with her friend, "Why are you wet? Why can't I move? I feel like I've been hit by a bus."  
  
Hitomi giggled a little, and murmured an apology; "The column released us just above the trees. I fell into that stream over there," Yukari followed Hitomi's slim pointed figure, where dim light was broken into waves over a thin line of water, "but your head hit a tree branch, and you landed on the side. You wouldn't wake up." Hitomi said, her last words choked out.  
  
"Hitomi. . ."  
  
"We have to get you to help, and some warmth. I don't know where we are."  
  
Yukari nodded, and suddenly registered what Hitomi had said earlier. "Wait.you fell? Are you okay?! You didn't hurt your."  
  
Hitomi smiled, and patted her stomach, "I'm fine."  
  
Yukari smiled in relief, thanking God for Hitomi's safety, and for the safety of the little life inside of her. Again, she tried to get up, but Hitomi pushed her back down again. "You're going to just get dizzy and fall back down again. We'll stay here a while until you feel better. I'll go get some water."  
  
Yukari nodded, smiling, but feeling guilty. Here she was with a little bump (Yukari felt her head, it was no little bump), and a pregnant girl was helping her. Three months pregnant, she reminded herself. A few more months and Hitomi wouldn't even be able to get out of a chair without help. The infant sure would change her life, but Hitomi had held her stomach so gently sometimes, smiling at the warmth, and Yukari knew that Hitomi's love would grow and mature like the baby.  
  
Hitomi came back after what seemed like ages, setting a cool cloth over Yukari's head. "Just until the swelling goes down," She said, "I'm sorry, Yukari, but you'll have to get up in a little while. We have to find someplace to go, and Gaea isn't exactly the safest of places, even after the war. We can't be walking through a forest all night, much less staying here. I'm so sorry," Hitomi's eyes closed and she looked away from Yukari, "You're here because of me, and already something bad has happened."  
  
Yukari laughed a little, and when Hitomi gave her a confused look, she just laughed harder, despite the pain that increased in the back of her head, "You should be more worried about yourself," She said, rolling over, and pulling herself to her knees. With Hitomi's help, she hobbled up, and took a few steps further. Yukari pried Hitomi's arms from her, "Don't worry about it. I'm not a cripple."  
  
Hitomi rolled her eyes, "Fine. But don't blame me when you collapse from a headache."  
  
Yukari grinned, "Okay. I will. By the way, when we were about to leave, you mentioned something about cats?"  
  
Hitomi pulled Yukari's backpack on, hoping to give her friend some help, and smiled to herself, "Well, you'll find out what I meant later." With that, the two followed the water upstream, hoping to find a village, and soon.  
  
After what seemed like hours of traveling, Hitomi's legs were weakening at every step. Yukari noticed, and pulled her friend up with her arm, and for a while, they were making a good pace, until Hitomi's legs finally gave way, and she slipped out of Yukari's grip, and into a heap on the ground. "I can't," Hitomi cursed, and glared out into the dark night. Yukari sucked in a deep breath, glad for the rest, and gingerly sat beside the pregnant teen, feeling the mud on the ground. She flinched at the wet coldness, but it didn't matter as much anymore.  
  
Hitomi took large gulps of air, breathing in and out with fourteen seconds in both, trying to calm her nerves and relax, concentrating on the numbers she counted in her head, inhaling slowly through her nose, and exhaling even slower through her mouth. Her concentration broke through, when she dug her hands into the mud.  
  
Yukari noticed the sudden change in Hitomi's composure, and gently asked through the dark, "What's wrong?"  
  
Hitomi felt around a bit more, feeling the holes in the mud, slightly bigger than her fist. "Hoof prints." She whispered. Yukari looked at her curiously, but then stared back at the ground. She couldn't see much, the thick night had clouded their eyes, and the storm above them wasn't helping.  
  
Yukari narrowed her eyes, forcing a greater concentration on the ground in front of her. The dark shadows slowly begin to distinguish themselves against the mud, and Yukari saw that indeed, there were many hoof prints embedded in the mud, making the ground look beaten and full of holes. "A road!" Yukari exclaimed excitedly, a newfound energy breathing through her bones, as she stood up. Hitomi knitted her brows, looking in front of her. Yukari's raised voice bit at her nerves. For some reason, she felt like they were being watched, but Yukari's smiling face interrupted her reverie. Hitomi held her hands out, and Yukari helped her to her feet.  
  
With careful eyes, the two followed the deep-embedded prints, slowly beginning to drift farther away from the stream. Hitomi didn't like that. She wanted to stay near water, just as a precaution. Biting back her thoughts, she placed a hand on her warm stomach, and warmth spread through her body. She was becoming very alert and wary, each noise that their mud- caked shoes made, every slosh of mud, and the quiet flow of water, a creaking of a tree branch, and the soft pounding from behind.  
  
Hitomi's breath shortened, and became quicker. Her eyes flew around from the darkness, and she stopped in her tracks, along with Yukari, who was also eyeing their surroundings with suspicion. "You hear it?" Yukari breathed out, expecting some crazed animal to jump out at anytime and bring them both down.  
  
Hitomi didn't reply, but grabbed Yukari's arm, and fled from the road, trying to distinguish whatever was coming their way. Three lights appeared through the foliage, orange and floating in a frantic manner. Whoever was carrying them was running. Faint voices were yelling over running horses, and clinking of metal could be heard. Hitomi ducked behind a tree, and Yukari crouched low, and moved across a clump of grass to hide behind another tree.  
  
"Over there! Jakob said they came this way!"  
  
"Hey, look! Someone's there!"  
  
Hitomi tensed. Yukari's movement had been caught. Yukari's face tightened with fear, looking at Hitomi with a panicking look, as if expecting her to save them.  
  
Hitomi eyes narrowed when she heard more yelling as dark figures dispersed through the trees, looking for the two people that were sneaking around their forest like thieves.  
  
"Jakob," A deep voice came, "what did you say this was? The 'disturbance'?"  
  
Hitomi gasped. That voice! "I couldn't tell, Milord, it looked like an explosion but there was no sound!" A young voice answered. But his master wasn't listening; he had heard the young woman's sound, and dashed for the clump of trees, sword drawn and ready, running from across the forest and through the mud on the road.  
  
"Van!" Hitomi's head popped out from behind the tree, and the young King stumbled over his feet when he saw her face, and fell ungracefully, face- first, into the mud.  
  
Van shook his head, not believing what he saw. His head rose with a sucking sound from the road, and he climbed to his knees, staring with wide eyes at the green-eyed goddess before him. His heart burst into a breakneck speed when he saw her smiling face, and a weird pressure lifted from his chest, making him feel weightless.  
  
Hitomi dropped her bag and ran to the young man, who was pulling himself from the mud. The sight was too much to bear, and the girl burst out laughing. Sticks and mud clung to his face, and he was covered in mud and grass. He swore incoherently, and Hitomi laughed harder, launching herself into his arms when she reached him, which he gladly accepted, only now they both fell back into the mud, hugging each other and laughing loudly together.  
  
Hitomi hugged Van tightly, smiling and laughing from the sheer bliss she felt just being near him again. Three months was just too long for her to ever be away from him. He held on even tighter, wrapping her close to him, cursing himself inwardly for not coming back to her sooner.  
  
Yukari looked up at a confused Jakob, who was watching his King mutely, his finger raised in the air as if wanting to comment. Yukari burst out in giggles, and soon the crowd of men on foot and horses, who stared dumbly at their muddy King, broke out into smirks and small laughter. Their King, regally clad in dirt, was now in the arms of muddy girl, rolling about it the mud, getting even muddier.  
  
"Um, excuse me you two," Yukari said, causing Van and Hitomi to be interrupted from their moment. Van flushed violently, and stood up quickly, helping Hitomi, and began to wipe away the mud that clumped to his red, long-sleeved shirt. Hitomi blushed, and did the same to regain her composure.  
  
"Well," Van said, plucking a stick from his black hair, "This was unexpected! When Jakob said explosion, I was thinking of something on the lines of fire."  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry Lord Van, I guess I didn't explain well enough. It was-"  
  
"A large column of bright white light?" Van said, smiling at the pale blonde soldier in front of them.  
  
"Forgive me, I-"  
  
"Jakob, don't apologize!" Van said, grinning, waving it off, "I'm glad you did alert us. Who knows what could have happened to them?" He looked fondly down at Hitomi, who merely blushed, and reached out for Yukari. The redhead immediately took Hitomi's arm.  
  
"You know, in your condition, you shouldn't be rolling around on the ground." Her friend said, smirking.  
  
Hitomi paled, and Van's eyes swirled with concern, looking at her, "Condition? Hitomi? What's wrong?"  
  
Hitomi forced a smile, and squeezed down on Yukari's arm, making her friend flinch, "Yukari's over-exaggerating. We just had a bad fall from the column. Nothing a good night's rest can't cure."  
  
Van didn't seemed convinced, but turned his attention back to his soldiers, "Return to camp and get some sleep. Tomorrow morning head back home on the original schedule." But before the men could depart, Van called one back, "Devon, come with me. We're escorting these two back tonight." The man stood in his place with two horses, and the rest left without a word.  
  
Yukari pulled Hitomi to the side, pinching her arm, "Hitomi, when are you going to tell him? You have to tell him! Remember what I said? What are you-"  
  
Hitomi clamped her hand over Yukari's mouth, "I'll tell him when I'm ready, baka! I just got back, and I'd like to spend some time with him first!"  
  
Yukari swatted Hitomi's hand away, and whispered angrily, "You have to tell him before he finds out another way!"  
  
Hitomi glared at Yukari, "If anyone's going to say anything, it'll be me. Yukari, from here on out this is my issue. I'm glad for your help, but right now you have to keep quiet. I don't know what his reaction is going to be like."  
  
"It better be good, or else I'll be wanted for murder." Yukari said, folding her arms across her chest. Hitomi smiled, and hugged her friend.  
  
"Hitomi?" Van said, watching the two girls with interest. He held a large black horse by the reins, and was waiting patiently. Hitomi smiled sheepishly, and walked over to him. Van took the bag from her shoulder, smiling warmly down at her.  
  
Yukari walked a good distance around the horses, staring at the hooves while a sweat broke out on her brow. Devon, a large, brown-haired man, laughed at her nervousness, "They won't hurt you, milady."  
  
Yukari stared at the powerful muscles in the back legs, and gulped. "Devon, will you ride with Lady Yukari? Lady Hitomi and I will ride ahead." Van said, looking over Hitomi's head to his guard.  
  
Devon nodded, and mounted his horse, pulling Yukari up behind him. Before Hitomi could comment, Van hooked his left arm around her waist, and pulled them both onto the horse. Van softly nudged his left heel twice into the horse's side, and the powerful animal shot off beneath them. Hitomi turned around in the saddle, her legs running across Van's, and wrapped her arms around his waist. She looked over his shoulder, briefly waving to Yukari.  
  
Yukari smiled and waved back, but couldn't help but feeling a bit left behind. Hitomi and Van were putting more and more distance between them, while Yukari and her companion trotted along. Yukari shook her head, trying to rid her mind of the thoughts. She had Hitomi all the time, every day, and now she needed to be with Van. Yukari smiled up to the stormy sky, which seemed to have calmed a little. She hoped Hitomi's storm would do the same.  
  
Meanwhile, Van was aching to get Hitomi back to the castle. She was facing him in the saddle, her arms wrapped tightly around his waist. "You're really here." Van said, kissing her temple.  
  
Hitomi smiled into his chest, squeezing him tighter. "Really really."  
  
Van frowned. He always came to Earth to get her, because he had the pendant. He then remembered his ring that he gave her, and smiled again. That must have been the reason she was before him.  
  
They slowed down a little, and Hitomi had turned around again, and could see a soft dome of light above the forest, which she supposed was the city. Van silently gave his thanks to God that it was night. He riding through town in the middle of the day with Hitomi wouldn't go over too well.  
  
Hitomi gaped, looking over the city. Three months certainly had changed the capitol. The city had grown out of the canyon, and spread out like wings, the paved streets narrowed by tall buildings and stores. Everywhere Hitomi looked, new growth had spurred. It was really hard to believe that everything had burned to the ground a little more than a year ago.  
  
They stopped in the middle of the street, and Van dismounted, but when Hitomi tried to follow he stopped her, "We'll be heading to the gates of the castle, and I don't want anyone to get the wrong impression."  
  
Hitomi gave him an understanding smile. Van was King, and no matter how much she loved him, they still had to remain respectable for outward appearances. The thought registered the memory of their night together on his birthday, and she frowned, placing a hand on her stomach. Van didn't know any better, but those words just made it harder for her. How was she going to tell him?  
  
Luckily Van hadn't noticed the change of her composure, and was leading the horse up to the castle, where a few sentries greeted them warmly, "Already back, Lord Van? Where's the rest of 'em?" One yelled down to them.  
  
"Just making a delivery," Van laughed, looking over at a flushing Hitomi, but then back up to the men, "Devon will be arriving soon, I presume. Camp is still going about their regular schedule. They'll be back tomorrow morning, as usual. Oh, by the way, Ronal, how's Maekin doing?"  
  
The other sentry piped up, smiling down at them happily, "Oh, much better now, Your Majesty. I don't think she'll be coming back to mess with soldiers' practice equipment after that embarrassment." Ronal said with a sheepish smile. His little daughter always seemed to be making trouble in his home, but then to come to the palace to see her mother and 'innocently' playing around with wooden swords on the practice grounds, and ending up dislodging all of the equipment on the sidelines from their organized place because of her slippery hands, ending up with several bad cuts on her legs. King Van had found her while walking through the palace, and helped her to clear the mess before he took her to the palace healers. She was only seven rotations old, and Ronal could only imagine what she would be like when she grew up.  
  
"Well, it's not every day a young Fanelian girl is interested in what our soldiers practice with." Van answered with a chuckle. Hitomi felt her heart swell with pride. She didn't know the situation, but she could tell that the sentries, even though they looked twice Van's age, held such respect and love for their King. But who couldn't love him, anyway? He certainly made the appearance of being arrogant and cold, but in reality was impartial and kind. For being a sixteen-year-old King, and one who was in exile just a year ago, Van was doing a pretty good job.  
  
They entered the gates and a servant ran to greet them, taking Van's horse. They now stood together in the gardens, with Hitomi staring in awe up at the castle, and Van at her side, holding her bag over his shoulder. She had seen the castle the last time she was here, but Fanelians were so eager to rebuild their capitol, Hitomi could understand why three months made such a difference. She broke her thoughts when she saw Van in the corner of her eye, staring at her. She took a step towards him, her smile growing as she closed the space between them. He wrapped his free arm around her waist, and pulled her toward a door. Hitomi followed his lead, walking up a flight of stairs, and going down a long corridor, and they reached the royal wing of the palace. Van looked around the hall of doors carefully, and opened a tall door, and Hitomi ducked underneath his arm, walking into the room.  
  
It was a nicely sized room, with a large green bed facing a warm fireplace, along with a couch and comfortable-looking chairs. A few shelves surrounded the fireplace, but only a few books claimed space there. Hitomi made a mental note to correct that problem as soon as she could. A small, yet very well crafted desk stood alone and empty, save an unlit candle, against the far wall, looking out at the garden and forest beyond the castle. It seemed that the room had been themed in green and warm orange colors, which Hitomi liked immensely.  
  
"You like it?" Van asked, looking down at her as she surveyed the room. She looked up at him with a smile, and he said, "I wanted it to suit you. Seeing how this will be your room every time you come here." He walked up to her, shutting the door behind him, "And when you stay." He added, hugging her from behind.  
  
Hitomi's smile widened. "Well, when I do stay for good, don't you think I'd be spending my time somewhere else?"  
  
Van grinned in her hair, and pulled her to the side of the room where her bed was, dropping her bag on the bed. Hitomi panicked. She was pregnant! If Van was thinking what she thought! Oh goodness, Hitomi thought, on the verge of hysteria, me and my damn mouth.  
  
But instead of attacking her in bed, Van opened a door near it, and pulled her into a new room. It was decorated in small hints of green, but was overall dominated by red, and a maple brown, almost gold, wood. Hitomi clutched the carved post of the four-post bed, looking out at a similar room, but this one certainly looked more lived in. Clothes were strewn across the sofas and books were piled on a chessboard that sat between chairs at the fireplace. A large desk was littered with papers, a few melted, well-used candles sitting amongst quills and pens. Van unhooked his sword from his side, and set it with loving care beside a table, and looked up at Hitomi with a lopsided grin.  
  
She walked around his room, looking at the shelves lining one wall, and then looking back to the door that connected their bedrooms. "Um," Hitomi blushed, registering why the door was there, "My room, is it . . .?"  
  
Van's grin grew, and he plopped down on his bed, "Well, one day you'll be Queen, so you might as well claim the right room before someone else does."  
  
Hitomi gave him a playful glare, and he chuckled, but reached out to her, and even though she knew better, she complied and Van closed his arms around her. "I'm glad your back." He said, looking up into her green eyes.  
  
Hitomi smiled down at him, and gave him a weak hug. "I missed you so much." She whispered. Three months certainly had been more than enough time away from him. Days at school crawled by slower than a snail as she awaited their monthly meeting. All of her energy was focused on one day: when the new moon arrived. But when she waited that night on her front porch, he didn't come. She had stayed out there through the night, and fell asleep on the swing. The next night was the same, and she had fallen into a weird, worried, depressive mood, and she always seemed to be focused on something else, as if she were daydreaming all day. When news of her pregnancy hit (more like collided into) her, that wasn't much better. With every day passing, Hitomi's need to see Van grew like plants on Miracle- Gro. A tear slipped down her cheek, "Why didn't you come?"  
  
Guilt flared up through Van, and he pulled her over onto the bed with him, holding her against him. "We've been getting repercussions from the war." Feeling Hitomi flinch at this, Van held her tighter, trying to soothe her, "There's been no damage, and it's nothing more than a feeble threat. With that going on, and my advisors putting stress on me about finding a queen, I couldn't get away. Hitomi, I'm really sorry. That night when I didn't go, it killed me."  
  
Hitomi could feel the remorse in Van's voice, and she ran her fingers through his hair, finding tangles and smoothing them out, hoping to calm him. He had important issues to deal with, and she couldn't help but feeling very guilty. She was just a regular girl on Gaea, with an odd love for cooking, and her fiancé was a King, trying to rebuild his country and clean up the mess left over from the war. It was beginning to feel like she was getting in the way. When marriage appeared in his words, she tensed again, "Finding a Queen?" she asked softly, glad that her expression was hidden in Van's shirt.  
  
"Ever since my sixteenth birthday my advisors have really been pressuring me about finding a queen and producing and heir. But," Van said, pulling her closer, "We've already solved that issue between ourselves." Hitomi gulped down a large lump in her throat. He didn't realize how true those words were. He continued on, "Tomorrow, actually, I was supposed to meet with all of them to resolve it, so I'm hoping you'll join me?"  
  
Hitomi nodded in agreement, and gently rose from the comfortable position in his warm arms, and looked around his room, the room that seemed to be layered in Van's presence. "It certainly is messy," she said, giggling lightly, "Like a regular teenage boy's room." She added.  
  
Van gave her a playful grin, and propped himself on his elbows, watching her as her eyes scanned every nook and cranny. It was funny how she was so interested in just memorizing everything that was there. It gave Van a comfortable feeling, and he took her hand, and rolled over to look up at the ceiling, "I don't allow any maids to clean my room. And unless it's an emergency, no one's allowed in here. It's not like I can't take care of where I live."  
  
Hitomi laughed a little, but then wondered. His room was really the only place he had to himself. It was where he came to relax, to work, to sleep. His own niche of the castle, where only few were permitted. Hitomi sighed, watching her love's face contemplate the wood on the ceiling, and again felt the surge of love she had for him. She wondered if her missed her as much as he did, and if every day seemed so lonely and empty without her. She didn't want him to cut himself off from people, but his room seemed like the place where he did that, and often, too.  
  
Hitomi curled up beside Van, and he looked over at her, something pulling at his heart and breaking, hurting only a little first, but then becoming very painful. He watched her expression, so loving and gentle, as she cupped her hand on his cheek, and finding a few stray locks of his hair, pulling at them. His face twisted up in sadness, and he open his arms wide, then closed them around her like a giant mouth, splaying his hands on her back and crushing her to him, trying to suppress the pain.  
  
"I'll wait, Hitomi. But it's hard. It makes me hurt." He whispered hoarsely into her hair, pulling her closer.  
  
Hitomi closed her eyes, trying to keep her tears away, "It's just two more years. We've managed this far, so we can go further." She closed her arms around him, pressing her ear into his chest, small tears soaking his shirt, "It won't be hard. Two years." Two years old. The baby would be a year and a half old when she turned eighteen. She stopped her crying, inwardly reminding herself that she had to be strong. If she was going to fix this problem, she'd have to be strong.  
  
Van looked down at the woman he loved, mustering all the strength he could to keep her as close as possible. His chest ached. He was a King, he had to be patient. For her, he had to. That didn't mean it wasn't unbearable, to see her and know that she couldn't be with him until she turned eighteen. To him, the age seemed so old, too long. But love was patient, and to prove that he had to keep that trait. Hitomi was everything, and more than anything he wanted her to stay with him in Fanelia, she always helped with rebuilding when she was here, always was helping him, and always was saving him, giving him strength. Her presence in the war by his side was required. If she wouldn't have been there, Van was sure he'd be dead, along with the whole of Gaea; she was there to help him, in the physical world, and the world in his heart. He wanted to give her back everything she had given him. He wanted to make her happy always, make her laugh, smile . . .oh, the list went on and on. Van felt like a thorn in her side, despite how much he loved her, despite how much he knew she loved him. He always seemed to make things hard for her. He breathed in deeply, collecting her scent in his brain and tucking it away into his memory. She smelled like the forest, and reminded him of life, of green leaves and gold flowers.  
  
Hitomi had long since stopped her crying, and Van held onto her loosely as she ran her hands through his hair absent-mindedly. "You're tired." Van said, looking down at her leaden eyes as they traced the path her fingers made. Hitomi sighed, and let her hand fall to rest in the crook of his neck, while closing her eyes. Van tucked her into his arms, and gently pulled her up as he got to his feet, but stopped when her arm gently pushed at his chest.  
  
"No, I want to stay in here with you . . ." She mumbled sleepily, hooking her arms around his neck so she wouldn't fall over. Van was surprised at first, but smiled gently, and set her back down, pulling her jacket off, and lying beside her, pulling her back to his chest as she squirmed closer to him, the whole length of her body along his.  
  
Van was half asleep until Hitomi placed her hands over his left one that rested on her stomach, and began to hum some foreign song. She smiled faintly, and Van could see her peaceful expression slowly relax, and then feel her slow breathing. Van hugged her closer to him, closing his eyes, and fell asleep.  
  
***  
  
*Grumble* Well, I really wanted to conjoin this chapter and chapter three, but I'll cut it off early and update in a few weeks for some VERY interesting and sad developments. (Heheh . . . I can't wait! Cliffhangers, away!) You know, if I could be a superhero, it would be Cliffhanger Girl. But I didn't leave a cliffhanger or anything this chapter ;_;. Sad for me, good for you! I don't really have much to say for this chapter, except R & R!!! ^_^ I love reviews. I think I'll marry them. Or I could just marry Van *steals him from Hitomi* mwuhahaha!  
  
Oh, wait, I guess they're supposed to be together in my story . . . *gives him back* darnit!  
  
Okay! I'll see you guys on the flip side!  
  
Cev ^_^  
  
Chapter 3: Fanelia's Distress: Hitomi overhears the Royal advisors, and troubling times in Zaibach affecting Fanelia, including trade disagreements and disappearing funds, disturbs her. There's only one solution, and Hitomi's about to make the biggest choice to change all of their lives. 


	3. Drip

This oughtta be good. REAL good. But by the end of the chapter you're going to be veeeery mad at me. Don't ask why, just read it. Love you guys! Thanks for the reviews and nice words said! Xx You know all that fluffiness in the last chapter? This chapter makes up for it!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Escaflowne, or any of its characters. You want to sue? Here's what I got: $2.63, go buy yourself a drink.  
  
^_^ Cevvy so nice . . .  
  
***  
  
Sing a Lullaby  
  
Bye Cev  
  
Chapter Three: Drip  
  
***  
  
Hitomi awoke with a start, her eyes wide and scared. She closed them again, sighing dejectedly, and moved her hands around, trying to find her pillow. Realization sunk it, and she sat up, remembering what had happened, and that she was no longer in her own bed at home, but tucked away in the folds of Van's large bed. She blushed pink, and fell back, but was uncomforted, feeling bits of dried dirt against her back, and looked over the dirty sheets. It must have been her and Van's fault, especially after the roll-in-the-mud in the forest. She smiled warmly, and turned over, arms spread wide to embrace Van, but instead came in contact with something very fuzzy.  
  
And rather orange, too.  
  
"YAGH!!!" Hitomi screeched, backing away and falling off the bed into an uncomfortable heap.  
  
Merle gave her a toothy grin, and pounced on Hitomi on the floor, receiving another screech. Hitomi pulled herself from the sheets, and held the cat- girl at arms length; her yelling subsided, replaced with an unbelieving stare, "Merle?!"  
  
She laughed, and playfully slapped Hitomi on the shoulder, "Who did you think I was? A monster?"  
  
"Well, you can be easily mistaken for one." Hitomi said, smiling. Merle growled, punching her again. Hitomi winced and rubbed her shoulder. Damn cat-girl was getting strong.  
  
"It's good to see you." Merle said, smiling. Hitomi smiled back, giving her a quick hug, which was readily returned. But Merle's smile disappeared, and she held Hitomi away, looking at her face, "Hitomi? Is something wrong? You're very pale, almost green . . ."  
  
"Bowel!" Hitomi shouted, doubling over. Merle sprung up in alarm, not knowing what to do, "BOWEL!" Hitomi screamed, covering her mouth, trying to stop it . . .  
  
Merle grabbed a nearby basin, pouring the water in it into a nearby plant, and shoving it under Hitomi's nose. Hitomi reeled over, retching into it, and Merle pinched her nose, running out of Van's room, searching for a maid.  
  
She returned a minute later, with two young women, one who took the bowel from Hitomi, and the other who took the sheets out from underneath the sick girl. Both of the maids seemed unnerved to be in the King's chambers, and left as quickly as they came, obviously uncomfortable to be here. Hitomi blushed and turned from their gaze, noting that they looked at her questionably, wondering why a girl had suddenly appeared in their Lord's private chambers. And no doubt, Hitomi thought, they were not thinking along the lines of chaste ideas. Of course this only reddened her hue even further.  
  
"Are you okay?" Merle asked softly, and looked at Hitomi's red face, smiling knowingly, "Now, what's with the embarrassment, Hitomi? You and Van didn't do anything worth a blush last night, did you?"  
  
"MERLE!" Hitomi yelled, a horrified look on her face.  
  
The orange feline merely laughed, and helped Hitomi to her feet. "You really smell, you know that?"  
  
"Why thank you Merle, you're looking just lovely yourself." Hitomi sarcastically said, wiping her mouth with her sleeve.  
  
Merle grinned, and led Hitomi back into her room, leading her into one of the sub-chambers, where a large tub, that looked more like a big wooden bucket (but a lot nicer), sat in the middle of the room. It was filled with warm, steaming water, and Hitomi looked over at Merle questionably. The feline grinned, "Lord Van thought you might want to clean up, so we had some maids bring up some water to be heated."  
  
"Excuse me?" Hitomi said, looking at the large amount of water in the tub.  
  
"What's wrong now?" Merle asked.  
  
"You mean someone actually brought all this water up here?"  
  
" . . .yeah, and? What's the problem?" Merle asked.  
  
Hitomi blushed. Merle seemed to think it was nothing, but Hitomi was unnerved. A servant had done all of this?! Hitomi didn't think she could live with her conscious, getting special treatment. It was strange, being waited on, and Hitomi didn't know if she really liked the idea of a servant doing things like making a bath for her. More than anything, Hitomi believed in being independent, and didn't want someone doing things for her as if she was a spoiled child.  
  
Merle seemed to sense what Hitomi was worried about, and smiled. "The servants are paid quite nicely, Hitomi. They're not slaves or anything. Lord Van treats them well. Besides, we have developed some better systems so that we don't manually have to bring water to washrooms and empty it ourselves. Fanelia technology as changed since the war."  
  
Hitomi meekly smiled, but still disapproved. She didn't like getting special treatment, and certainly didn't want to get used to it, either, even is she was Van's fiancée. Hitomi garroted on that last thought, and undressed for her bath, Merle had left her. Fiancée. That word was strange in her mind, and even more alien on her tongue. She sighed, letting herself relax in the water, which was already getting murky from her dirty skin. She had to tell him. She loved him, and couldn't keep something this big from him anyway, especially not with the constant reminder of morning sickness. She looked down at her slightly bulging stomach, and gulped. Soon she would be as big as a house. If she didn't tell him, her stomach certainly would. And if that didn't, then Hitomi was sure that Yukari wouldn't be able to keep her mouth tight, either. Hitomi rinsed her hair of soap and got out, drying off. Time to find Van, she thought, and see what's going to happen with his advisors.  
  
***  
  
Yukari had awoken quiet uncomfortably in her guest chambers, a bad headache erupting from her temples when her eyes were blinded by sunlight, pouring through the slightly open window, a gentle cool breeze cooling her face. The redhead swung her legs to the side, walking to the tall window, and smiling over the land, taking in a deep breath of air. The air was light and welcoming, clean of the dirt and grim of Tokyo. Yukari sighed, leaning against the sill, wondering if this is what earth smelled like before the Industrial Revolution. She smiled at this, glad that Hitomi was Van's fiancée. She didn't know anything about Gaea, but with Hitomi's persuasion, maybe this planet wouldn't have to go through the horror of ecological rape that Earth was suffering. Yukari held her forefinger to her chin in thought. Yes, she would definitely be giving Hitomi plenty of books to study before she officially married Van.  
  
Officially married Van. Hitomi had told her that she would wait until she was eighteen, but Yukari doubted that, especially since the girl was now pregnant. Even if they married on this very day, Hitomi's child would be here in six months, and people certainly would talk. What was the girl thinking? Something had to be done, and soon.  
  
A soft knock came from behind a large oak door parallel to where Yukari was standing, and she quickly ran to open it. Hitomi stood out in the hall, smiling sheepishly at her friend. Her hair was wet, and Hitomi had changed into a tight, sleeveless green shirt, and a long, off-white skirt, made out of a very lightweight material that flowed easily with the breeze. It looked slightly bohemian, the way the stitches connected the two different patterns of the skirt. But Yukari had to admit, it was a very nice outfit, and Hitomi seemed very relaxed. But she frowned; the green shirt did no justice in concealing the fact that Hitomi's lower half was bulging, even if it was just a hint of pregnancy. Well, anyone that didn't know the usual gangly Hitomi wouldn't notice her curves or slightly larger breasts out of any other women. She looked very happy, and that gave Yukari relief.  
  
"So, enjoy your night with Van, Hitomi?" Yukari asked, raising her left eyebrow.  
  
Hitomi glared at her while walking past her into the room, looking at her chambers. "I'm tired of people assuming that he and I are all hormonal. It's not like anything would be able to happen, anyway."  
  
"So what was his reaction, how did you break it to him?" Yukari asked blatantly. She wanted to solve this and get back home. She could already imagine the amount of homework piling up for her and Hitomi. Mr. And Mrs. Kanzaki were probably having an all-out right about this time, Yukari tensed at this thought, wondering what her own parents were thinking about at the moment. No doubt Mrs. Uchida was quite pissed off at Hitomi's mother for just letting the two young teenagers go.  
  
Hitomi bit her thumbnail in thought, occupying Yukari's late place at the window, "It's too early. I'm going to wait until tonight to tell him."  
  
Yukari growled at this, "The sooner the better Hitomi, and putting it off isn't going to help anything. You two need to come to an agreement of some sort of what's going to happen. You can't live your normal life now, and even though I promised your mother I'd bring you back to finish school, I highly doubt that will happen. And even if you marry Van, when the baby is born, I don't think being three months early is going to be a very good excuse as the why the baby has come into the world so soon."  
  
Hitomi dropped her head in thought and embarrassment. She was acting like such a child! And here Yukari was, preaching like never before. Hitomi wished she had a mirror so she could yell at herself. She was supposed to be the responsible one here. Usually she was the one straightening Yukari out, and now things had changed, switching their roles. But rightly so, Hitomi thought.  
  
When her friend gave her no answer, Yukari sighed agitatedly, and left her room, "Where are you going?" Hitomi asked.  
  
Yukari pointed to her clothes, smirking, "I think I need a bath. Without one I think I'm going to kill some of the servants here because of my stench."  
  
Hitomi laughed, and Yukari smiled more, glad she could make her happy, and left her friend to her thoughts, shutting the door behind her to find a maid.  
  
The girl that was left gave her attention to the scenery outside. She noticed that there was no construction underway, and that the city seemed to be hung down by some sadness. Hitomi knitted her brows together. Something seemed very wrong here in Fanelia. Though Van was always fervent in telling her how much his country had matured, but Hitomi was in wonder. Gaea had, after all, was licking her wounds from the war. And with the mention of repercussion from Van last night, Hitomi was on edge to know just what exactly was going on politically and economically in Fanelia. Obviously the men from last night were soldiers, perhaps coming from a training camp. Hitomi was definitely worried. What exactly had Van meant by 'repercussions from the war'? She turned from the picturesque view, and walked out of Yukari's temporary room, and locking it behind her.  
  
Looking around the long hallway, Hitomi was already willing to give up on trying to find her young King, the corridor of the guest wing was full of people, and Hitomi had to push through them to get out of the wing. She wondered silently why there were so many people in the wing, and noticed that a lot of the people there were worn-looking, and many had ugly burn scars.  
  
She slipped away from the crowds and went back to the royal wing, where it was least populated. Hitomi looked around, hoping to find someone to help her. Earlier she was lucky enough to catch a maid walking past her room after she had cleaned up, and was given directions and an escort to 'Lady Yukari's' room. Hitomi made a mental note to move her friend up to the royal wing, were there were more personal rooms available for the royal family's special guests.  
  
"Lady Hitomi, do you need something?" A small voice asked from behind.  
  
Hitomi whirled around, coming face to face with an elderly lady, holding a basket of linens in her arms, wearing a red long sleeved shirt and a black dress over it, with a white apron tied around her loosely. Hitomi quirked an eyebrow, "I'm sorry, I don't believe I've met you."  
  
She smiled broadly, happy wrinkles gathering beneath her blue eyes, "Lord Van has told few of the maid staff that the Seer from the Mystic Moon had arrived last evening, and would be staying in the royal room. So of course, by now, the whole castle knows. And you are spoken of quite fondly by Fanelians, Milady. Most people know who you are."  
  
Hitomi laughed a little at this, and bowed her head slightly, "I suppose." She said softly, flushing red. "But please, my name is Hitomi. Just Hitomi."  
  
The old woman laughed. The child was certainly kind, and had a good heart. She had heard the tales of Lord Van and the Mystic Moon girl in the war; the two were legends in their own time. It was nice to know that the rumors of what the girl was like were true. Many of the people in the castle were worried what she would be like. After becoming so used to King Van's kind and relaxed rule, many of the servants were unsure about the Lady Hitomi Kanzaki, wondering if she were as stuck-up and spoiled as most of the noble were. "I think you're going to have to get used to the formality, ma'am." The old woman said with a wink.  
  
Hitomi blushed again, catching on exactly to what the woman was hinting about. The lady's laughter was replaced with a gentle smile, and she patted Hitomi's arm, "Now what can I do for you?"  
  
"Actually," Hitomi began, recovering from her embarrassment, "I was looking for Lord Van himself. I'm aware that he has a meeting with his advisors this morning. I was hoping you could lead me in the direction of his," Hitomi paused, trying to think of what to call it, ". . .his conference room?"  
  
The woman frowned, and Hitomi sighed, knowing beforehand that it would be futile. She wasn't actually expecting anyone to just go and lead her to the King's meeting.  
  
The woman hugged her basket closer, and thought a moment before answering, knowing that she would regret it, but gave Hitomi directions anyway. Those meetings were getting more and more heated every day, and she wasn't so sure about Lady Hitomi interrupting the men, and coming upon the wrath of Lord Van. The man always had a bad temper when his ministers brought up the very . . . touchy subject of marriage, something that everyone knew was inevitable in the castle.  
  
Hitomi thanked her immensely, and bowed low. Before the woman could leave, Hitomi stopped her, "I'm sorry, I never did get your name. May I ask what it is?" She asked politely.  
  
The old woman was taken aback, but smiled again, "Marian, Milady."  
  
"Thank you for your help, Marian."  
  
"It's my pleasure, Lady Hitomi."  
  
Hitomi twitched at the formality, but smiled none-the-less, and left Marian to her chores. The old maid just grinned more, and walked along the corridor, resuming her daily activity.  
  
Hitomi took the corridor that Marian's directions had led her to, and nearly fell over from the amount of doors along it. Sighing, she began checking doors, and as she neared the end of the long hall, raised voices reverberated against the walls. Hitomi stood in her spot, alarmed at the volume. She followed the voices, men's voices she noticed, down the corridor, and came upon two tall, heavy doors, extravagantly carved and sort of over-bearing. She frowned deeply, taking a step closer to the half closed doors, and peered into the room. Her eyes went wide when she saw Van sitting at the end of a long circular table, looking very disgruntled, and two pairs of men flanking him, arguing with Van heatedly. The rest of the men were either joined in the argument, submitting facts into it, or just silently contemplating over everything that was being said.  
  
Hitomi shrunk, her back against the door, straining her ears to listen, and trying her best to be kept hidden. For some reason, she felt that Van certainly did not want her to overhear what was going on, especially since last night he had offered for her to come, but then didn't wake her up to join him. Instead of making Hitomi worry, this just made her anger inflame. Inching nearer to the gap the doors made, she craned her neck, catching pieces of the meeting.  
  
"This is ridiculous," Van said icily. He sat tall in his chair, glaring out at his advisors, his blood boiling, "There has to be some other way. I won't resolve to settle this dispute by marriage."  
  
"But Sire," a balding brown-haired man beside him pleaded, "Zaibach's new government is just as bad as if Dornkirk was back. King Hiarm knows that our country and Zaibach are having difficulties, and is offering help!"  
  
"Help? And for what?" Van roared, making the men flinch. Man, the teen sure did know how to inflict fear in grown men, "You all know as well as everyone else on Gaea how that damn country has sucked it's resources dry from its land. If we were to make an alliance with them, there is no doubt in my mind that Hiarmaz would strip Fanelia as well. We have to protect this land! It is all we have left!"  
  
"My King, you know what Lord Hiarm threatens to do if you don't agree. He borders right along Austria, between our countries. He'll cut off all of our trade with Austria, something we cannot afford." Another man said with a defeated stature, he was seated calmly on Van's left, lost in thoughts.  
  
Van sighed in an aggravated tone, and he slammed his fist violently into the table, leaving a considerably sized hole, making the men flinch even more, "What about the trade routes? Can't they go around Hiarmaz? And what about the plans for our merchant fleet?" He asked, looking devastated, angry, broken, and earnest all at the same time.  
  
The balding man from before shook his head, "The Royal purse is dwindling every day, Milord, and we cannot tax our people even more than we have already. We don't have enough money to establish a merchant fleet, unless another country invested in it, but Fanelia isn't very popular right now, when our influence in world trade is almost non-existent. Austria's trade and Queen Millerna's generous help is the only thing keeping this country together! It's too valuable to lose just because you want to fucking marry for love!"  
  
Van opened his mouth to retort, but settled back into his chair, growling angrily, his eyes dangerous. He clutched the armrests of his chair, his knuckles white. Austria was the only thing keeping Fanelia together. With all of the poverty in his country, things weren't going well at all. Not to forget the threatening rebel group in Fanelia, a dangerous group against the crown. Probably because they think I ran away from my country when it burned, Van thought heatedly. There were many groups like them all around in small towns of Fanelia, not far from the capitol.  
  
Van rubbed his temples, trying to settle his growing anger, but it was hot like white flames and was spreading and multiplying through his veins like a thick, black cancer. "Many of you have been royal advisors for generations of Fanels, and you're telling me that there are no other solutions?" Van snapped, his voice breaking into a loud yell, "Hiarm wants Fanelia in his grasp, and I'll be damned before I let that bastard of a King use me and my country as a pawn for him to get more power!"  
  
A man who Hitomi recognized as Devon sat up from his chair, setting a hand on Van's shoulder, "We're too poor to even think about mining the ores in our land, and tap our resources. Hiarmaz can help with that. It would cost too much on our people if he cut off Austria. We wouldn't be able to import cheaply along the western and eastern routes. Fanelia is becoming a prey to poverty, and food and shelter are becoming scarce outside the capitol. Lord Van, our army is weak now after the war, we can't stand up to Hiarmaz. He'll open f a whole new outlet for trade and development. He just wants to seal this alliance with marriage to his daughter. Yes, it's underhanded, but he's putting our country's life on the line!"  
  
Van scowled deeply, and the men around the table seemed to have calmed down a bit, their King absorbed in his thoughts.  
  
"It wouldn't matter anyway." Van hissed after a while.  
  
"Pardon?" The balding man asked.  
  
"I've been engaged ever since my sixteenth birthday. I can't break that promise."  
  
"What?!" Devon roared, jumping from his seat, "To whom?! We've never heard about this! King Hiarm won't accept this! My Lord, he'll-"  
  
"I don't want to hear it." Van said in a deadpan tone, that quieted any objections, clearly stating that HE was King, and what he said WENT, "I gave Lady Hitomi Kanzaki my ring long before King Hiarm started threatening Fanelia. If anything, she's what is going to help our country."  
  
The council was very quiet and solemn, knowing that was the finishing line. But one man wouldn't budge. A bent, burned, and wizened man from across the table stood shakily. His form looked fragile, but when he spoke, his words annunciated clearly and carefully, in a deep and wise tone, "What this man is doing is foul, underhanded, and atrocious," he began, straightening up to look at Van with direct, wise eyes, "But we are in no condition to fight back. We're not the power we used to be, and war has bent Fanelia, and we are still healing from the damage. If nothing is done to revive her, Fanelia will wither away, just like me."  
  
The old man gave Van a gave look before he sat down, "The Seer from the Mystic Moon is forever in Gaea's debt, despite what some think, and Fanelia loves her." He paused, letting each of his words draw out to inflict a bigger meaning, "But if you do not agree to Hiarm's terms, there most likely won't be a Fanelia left to love her."  
  
Van stood up, trying to find wise words that would counteract everything Shigra, that old advisor, said, but nothing came to him. He bent over in frustration, trying to think of some way to rid him of this thorn, no he corrected, this knife, twisting in his side, but for the life of him, his mind was blank and numb.  
  
"Leave me." Van said harshly, bent over with his head in his hands. The men rose from their seats with mournful and solemn expressions, each looking towards their young, damned King, longing to give some comfort, but nothing would give way to their tongues, so the door seemed more welcoming.  
  
Van heard the soft click of the handle as the last man exited the room, but in his ears it multiplied a hundred times, and reverberated through his soul, bouncing against the depths of his mind and reeling through his heavy heart. Van stared ahead of him with clouded eyes, at a map of Fanelia, proudly displayed over the table. A deep growl erupted from Van, and he drew his family sword from his side and in quick, violent motions, he jumped from his chair, ran across the table, and flung his sword into the wall, piercing the tapestry, a satisfying rip of finely and carefully placed threads tearing into his mind as he slashed away at Fanelia.  
  
"so WEAK!" He roared, his frustration and angry ripping through the material, finding it's way from his heart, pumping madly into his blood, and renewing his right arm with hellish energy.  
  
The addictive adrenaline was quick to leave him, and Van lay amongst the torn fragments of what used to be such a proud country. "Why am I so damn powerless?" he cried, hunching over the threads. He fisted his right hand, his nails digging into the skin of his palm. What was left of his anger burned up like a dwindling coal, ablaze in a blink, and black a cold the next. Small, thick droplets of red made a thin trail against his knuckles, where Van held it to his face, and he opened his hand, letting the red heat gather in the back of his hand, and just . . .  
  
Drip.  
  
The noise was like a bomb exploding in the ocean, spraying droplets into the air and wetting her skin, then finding a way to her eyes, burning with angered sadness, and leaving a soft saline reminder on her reddening cheeks as it finally found its home, dropping from her chin and falling onto the cold stone floor.  
  
Hitomi leaned against the darkness, hiding from questioning eyes and gossiping maids. Her room was quiet and foreboding, filled with ethereal depression. Why? She wondered in her heart, why are we damned to unhappiness?  
  
Before Van's council could leave the room, Hitomi was already halfway down the hall, running from her fate, and locking herself in her room, her room next to Van's. It was HER room. It didn't belong to ANYONE else, and no one else deserved it.  
  
When her inundation had finally dried up, and her vocal chords wouldn't respond to her sobs, Hitomi curled into her bed. Suddenly the light from the sun seemed surreal, and her heart have frozen and numbed, unable to feel anything going on.  
  
The only thing that seemed welcome into her mind was sleep.  
  
***  
  
*shock!* O_O Cliffhanger girl, Awaaaaaaayyyyyy!!!  
  
Hehehe . . . I'm so evil, and I love it! Now, don't ya'll worry! Like I would marry Van off to anyone other to Hitomi-chan! You guys are silly!  
  
Well, the thing is about that, you never know! *Mwuhahaha!*  
  
P.S. Hey, you know that little box down there that says 'Submit Review' 'Go'? Go on, do a favor for the less fortunate: be kind and click it! ^___^ Arigatou  
  
Save our Earth! Cev 


	4. AN No 1

Hehe! Hey guys! (Thought this was an update, didn't you?) I'm so mean!! ^_^  
  
Muy Importante Author's Note!  
  
Okay, I've been getting some requests to e-mail people when I update. And I thought (all by myself, of course) that I should create a mailing list! (Actually, snow blossoms mentioned it and I thought it was a good idea, so thank her!). I know Chapter Four is taking quite a bit too long, and I'm so sorry for that! It's about halfway completed, and I'm so proud of it so far. It's going to be a big mile marker in the story. I promise that with patience come great things!  
  
Eh . . . that sounds wrong . . . is that a quote from someone? I'm lost . . . (yes, unfortunately. . . Cevvy is a blonde, and she blames moments like these on her roots)  
  
I'm also considering writing a lemon for the story, but I'm kinda unsure about it. It's not going to be a perverted and annoyingly stupid one that can disgust certain people when read. Those bother me. But it would be a decent and nicely written one. I'd like to know if anyone likes that idea.  
  
Right. Getting off the subject here! So if anyone out there is interested in joining the Sing A Lullaby Mailing List, please review and include your e-mail address if you are not a member of Fanfiction.net.  
  
Thanks so much everyone!  
  
Luv ya lots,  
  
Cev  
  
P.S. This is retarded! Why can't I do italics or underline?!?!?!?!?! 


	5. Something Has Broken

Disclaimer: I don't own Escaflowne.  
  
***  
  
Sing a Lullaby  
  
By Cev  
  
Chapter Four: Something Has Broken  
  
***  
  
"What do you do when Angels cry?  
  
You sing a lullaby."  
  
***  
  
The sun had set many hours ago, and Hitomi's sobbing had died with the day, the seemingly peaceful girl sleeping with red eyes on her green bed.  
  
But, in fact, the storm raging inside of the girl was the exact opposite of what she was feeling. Her eyes opened sharply, and she stood from the bed, her composure sad and unsure.  
  
Hitomi closed her eyes in a hateful expression, and then opened them, their green depths filled with fire and a fighting spirit.  
  
"No." Hitomi said flatly through the room, "I will not let this happen." she placed a hand on her stomach, her eyes growing hard with her fierce determination, "You will have a future, and one in Fanelia. Baby, I promise you that."  
  
She stood, feeling the need to punch something very badly. "There must be another way. There are no political boundaries than cannot be crossed. Everything has more than one solution. And damnit," Hitomi cursed angrily, "I will find one."  
  
Eaves dropping on the council proved to be helpful, but the words had weighed Hitomi down, and the girl felt as if she was carrying the whole of Fanelia on her shoulders, desperately trying to balance so it wouldn't come crashing down. Hitomi absent-mindedly stroked her stomach. Where was her life now? What about her fairy-tale ending? No, she corrected herself, this never was a fairy-tale, and never would be. This was reality, and reality was harsh.  
  
"You've caused a lot of trouble," Hitomi mumbled, crossing her arms around her stomach, "And you're not even born." She smiled at this, and silently wondered what her child would be like when he or she was a toddler. "You might even help this situation." Hitomi said last, when a new thought came to her. Van certainly couldn't argue with this 'King Hiarm' that he already had a fiancée, especially since he and Hitomi hadn't made it public knowledge, but if the couple revealed that she was carrying Van's child, perhaps that could make him back down from preying on this country?  
  
No, Hitomi thought, just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean we could prove the baby is Van's. Hitomi wasn't stupid, she paid attention in government and history classes, and even did research from time to time about ruling a country, especially after Van had proposed. This King Hiarm knew what he wanted, and Hitomi had no doubt that the awful man wouldn't back down until he got what he desired. That's how most of the politically empowered were.  
  
Hitomi hunched over her windowsill, looking out onto Fanelia, but her heart was heavy with the people. Had Van lied to her all of this time? He never confided in her that Fanelia was in economic trouble, and now Hitomi's anxious worrying had grown and attached itself to her like a disease. This situation reminded her blandly of what Europe went through in the World Wars. America itself had the Great Depression after World War I, and Hitomi was frighteningly making connections to similar economic patterns with her world and Gaea. War didn't solve anything. "Violence just begets more violence," Hitomi said softly, repeating what her sensei had always taught.  
  
Amidst her thoughts, a low rumbling sound echoed through Hitomi's room. Confused, the young girl's sober expression turned to one of puzzlement, and she placed a hand on her tummy, smirking. She hadn't eaten for at least a day. Putting her dire situation on hold, Hitomi left her room, after carefully making sure that her red eyes were clear and no one walking past her could tell from her appearance that she wasn't her usual optimistic self. Smoothing out her clothes lastly, Hitomi straightened her shoulders and walked from her room, in search of the kitchens.  
  
But as she neared the kitchens, her attention was outside, when she past windows that let her view the troubled city. Was it really that bad? She hadn't been in he city much. Was there really such poverty? Hitomi looked down the hall, and then turned back, leaving the castle from the rear, into the gardens, and winding around past the gates and into the city. I want to see what Fanelia really is, she thought, and since I have no idea, I'm just going to have to ask someone outside of the castle.  
  
***  
  
With a grim expression, Marian, the head maid, looked down at the ruined tapestry. It had been a gift from Palas long ago, and was a delicate piece of art. I suppose the meeting didn't go over that well, Marian thought sourly, picking up the wrecked threads. A younger maid was bent over beside her, helping.  
  
Seeing a shadow cross the hall, its dark outline passing the open door of the room, Marian stood, walking to the door, and watched as King Van trudged along the corridor, his steps forlorn and angry. "Sarah," Marian said, addressing the young brunette, "clean up the rest and bring them to Contina. See if it can be fixed," She sighed, "Or if it is even possible."  
  
Sarah nodded, and Marian followed her Lord, and gently put a hand on the young man's shoulder. Van stopped, and turned around to face the old woman.  
  
"My Lord . . .?" Marian pressed, looking up to him with pleading eyes.  
  
Van gave a cynical laugh, and turned his back to the withered maid, "I guess the whole castle knows what's in store for Fanelia by now." Van slumped his shoulders, looking like an old man to Marian, "I'm sorry about the tapestry."  
  
"Milord," Marian wanted to give the teenager King some comfort, but the depression hanging off from him was like a stench on his skin, reeking and clogging everyone else around him.  
  
"Thank you for everything, Marian." The King said, "You are a great importance to this castle. I don't know what is going to happen to Fanelia, and I don't know what is going to happen to its people." He looked up at her for a moment, but was afraid of letting his eyes mirror his feelings and give the old woman notion that he was weak, "It's hard to believe that Fanelia can be so easily bent by a corrupt King after going through so much with Zaibach." Not letting any more words pass between them, Van turned and left the old maid, turning into the halls.  
  
Marian could have cried, but was filled with such animosity at that moment, she was afraid she'd kill her aged body from it. She knew she shouldn't, but couldn't help but pity her own King. Lord Van had pulled through too much to let his poor country be overrun by a dictator, and now the man, no, she thought, this *boy* was letting his pride fall to his side, and he couldn't seem any more vulnerable right then and there. What was King Van going to do?  
  
***  
  
As Van walked down the hallway, he held his hands tightly together to keep from trembling, nervously turning his family ring around his finger. What was he going to do? He only had two choices- to marry Hitomi and risk the chance of war (which was evitable anyway) and the destruction of his country, or he could marry Hiram's daughter and allow his people to be taken over and their land stripped of its beauty. It was a loosing situation. Hiram only wanted the dragon fields in the east, and to secure Van's vengeance by marrying his daughter to him. Not only that, but Hiram knew that the nobles of Gaea would question his sudden use of Fanelia's eastern lands when everyone knew that Fanelia and Hiramaz were not close countries. The new Zaibach government blamed many of its economic deficiencies on Fanelia, but Hiram was a master with politics. He could sew a new connection with Fanelia's old foe.  
  
How was he going to tell Hitomi?  
  
No, Van thought, there was no way. Fanelia was a proud and strong country. It was better to die defending his home than shriveling up like a scared child in the face of adversity.  
  
Van asserted himself, gathering his composure. He changed his direction, heading off to Hitomi's quarters. I have to do this now, he thought with determination. It will be hard, but we will pull through. As long as I have her, we will pull through.  
  
"Hitomi!!" A yell came down from the hall.  
  
Van looked quizzically in the other direction. Who could be calling her? Just as he was about to knock on Hitomi's door, Yukari came storming down the hallway.  
  
"What's wrong, Yukari?" Van asked.  
  
"I can't find Hitomi anywhere, Van. It's like she's disappeared!" The girl said nervously.  
  
Van opened Hitomi's room, but she wasn't there, and when he walked into his room, she wasn't there, either.  
  
"I asked the maids for help but they could not find her, either." Yukari said, looking around Hitomi's room and the conjoining bathroom. She still seemed nervous and anxious, and that troubled Van.  
  
"Where could she of gone?" He wondered aloud. He felt a surge of doubt enter his heart. Did she leave? Does she not want to be here any longer? Did she change her mind about him? They were engaged, but things weren't for sure, especially since it wasn't publicly announced. Maybe she was mad at him for not coming to see her for so long. Maybe she thought he didn't care. Anything could happen when it concerned Hitomi.  
  
Yukari saw the confusion on the young King's face, and the beginning of hurt and doubt enter his features. "She didn't go to Earth, Lord Van, if that's what you're thinking," she said, catching his attention, "she would not go without me."  
  
The color returned to his face, and he turned around, going back into the hallway, "She couldn't have gotten very far," he said, pushing aside people as he rushed down flights of stairs, with Yukari at his heels. He stopped at the foot, almost knocking Yukari over with the abrupt stop, "I'm going to go and search the city, but if you go anywhere, take someone with you. Traveling alone wouldn't be smart at this time of day, especially since you are a girl. Merle!!! Come here! I need your help!!" Van shouted the last part, and Yukari winced at the decibel level.  
  
Van called for his horse, and as soon as Merle arrived, left the castle gates, leaving everyone behind in knee-deep worry and questions.  
  
***  
  
I know this was very short, and a little lame, too. I'm very sorry, everyone, but this story doesn't flow as well, even though it is completely planned out. I will get there, don't worry. I thought I'd give ya'll the meager half of Chapter four. More will come, I promise you that. It's going to be good ^_^.  
  
Save our Earth & Happy holidays,  
  
Cev  
  
***  
  
Coming: Chapter 4.5  
  
Hitomi has made her decision, and the fate of Fanelia and Hitomi's child will be determined. 


	6. Goodbye Fairy Tales

As promised, Chapter 4.5! Just as a forewarning, this one is a little sad! Aren't ya'll proud of me? ^_^ I can't believe I'm getting it out so soon, but I had a stroke of genius. Things will start flowing better after a while, once I get past the exposition. I'm not even in the rising action, yet! Well, the end of this will be the dropping bomb. Hope you guys enjoy it. I'll update in a week since I already wrote Chapter Five! Yay for Cev!  
  
Disclaimer: See Chapter 1  
  
***  
  
Sing a Lullaby  
  
By Cev  
  
Chapter 4.5: Goodbye Fairy Tales  
  
***  
  
"Sing a lullaby . . .  
  
When your love still is strong,  
  
When your only love is gone."  
  
***  
  
Hitomi pulled her bag up, repositioning its weight on her shoulders. She looked over the Fanelian countryside with a twist in her gut. Somehow, even though she was denying it all, she knew the real answer to the question her heart kept asking.  
  
The hills gleamed in the sunrise, over the poverty-stricken land. Such turmoil, Hitomi thought, there is so much concealed pain here. It was unavoidable. Van wouldn't have been able to secrete what was going on for long. Did he want to keep her sheltered? Like a child? Sometimes Hitomi wondered if Van had accepted her as a grown adult- to be able to make the same grave decisions that he made on a daily basis.  
  
Not that she could or did hardly as much as he - but she wanted to be useful. She wanted to know that she was Van's equal. Gaea did not give women very much freedom, and Hitomi didn't want to leave behind her personal worth when she left Earth. There was no way she would let the male-ruled world here oppress her like her ancestors were on earth a hundred years ago.  
  
Hitomi was going to have to accept these changes, and carry out her decision carefully. If she said the wrong thing, her plans could very well be ruined forever. She sighed and looked to the sky for comfort. Why was this so difficult now?  
  
Everything had been going so well. Her parents accepted Van, and they should have figured it out from the moment she brought him to the front door that their intent was to be together, and that their relationship was a permanent thing.  
  
"There are never any fairy tales," Hitomi lamented, watching the soft rise in the clouds and the swirling patterns they made. "I'm sorry." She cried softly, covering the top of her stomach with her free hand.  
  
Her journey complete, her questions of the economic security finally answered, Hitomi made her way back to the castle that she had left the day before. "I wonder what Van's doing right now, and what Yukari is thinking. They're both probably very concerned, but I needed to do this alone. Yukari couldn't understand and Van's short temper wouldn't allow it."  
  
Hitomi walked as discreetly as she could, but as always, her reputation and distinct looks did not help. Within moments as she entered the city, a couple of soldiers soon came running up beside her.  
  
"Excuse me! Lady Hitomi! Lady Hitomi!" One yelled, running as fast as he could from his position at the gates.  
  
Hitomi knew this would happen, and was ready to be taking back to the castle. She turned to them and smiled, "Yes, sirs?"  
  
The soldiers were taken aback at the respect she showed them, but were quickly addressing the issue at hand. "Lady Hitomi," The shorter of the two began, "King Van and his search party have been roaming the city and outskirts the minute you could not be found! We must escort you to the castle."  
  
"Yes, I was expecting something of this nature," Hitomi said, "I will be happy to go." She felt that they wanted to know where she went, but she would never tell anyone, especially Van, about her night in a farmer's house, just north of the city. The couple and their children knew about her, the girl from the Mystic Moon, and welcomed her eagerly when she passed their land, looking for someplace to go, somewhere to answer her hasty questions. Erin Jadwyk, the middle-aged farmer, was more than happy to fill her in of what was really going on - and even took her to some of the more run-down places in Durg, a Fanelian city a few hours from the capitol. Hitomi never realized the horrors the country so easily concealed: quiet conspiracies against the King, threats to the throne, the economic difficulties because of trade depletion because Hiramaz had cut off major trade routes . . . the disasters went on and on. Hitomi came to the very hard conclusion early this day that the fate of this country was based on her decision to stay with Van or not. And as a person with a heavy conscience, there were very few alternatives for her to choose from.  
  
The two soldiers were quick on their feet, carrying Hitomi's bag and borrowing a horse to take her quickly to the castle with the blue roof. When she walked into the courtyard, her presence beget a round of calls from servants, alerting her arrival and to get the King. Hitomi nodded to the soldiers with a smile, and they left her with her signal, a little shy of her unusual kindness that ordinarily did not come with the context of "Lady" or "Lord".  
  
Hitomi watched the bustle of servants in the courtyard, going from one place to another. She sighed, knowing she'd miss it all very much. 'What you're doing is the best for everyone,' she reminded herself. Hitomi looked around at the people, many who were watching her, and added, 'My happiness can't be bargained for hundreds of thousands of others.'  
  
Shouts could be heard from the main door, and Hitomi readied herself, putting her bag down and sitting on the bench near a tree in the great courtyard. Van's lean, muscular figure appeared from the doors, and he suddenly froze when their eyes met. Hitomi looked over his frame, his gorgeous, unruly, disgrace of hair, his tan pants, sword at the side, the healthy tan he wore all summer long, and the red dress shirt with a fitted leather vest, obviously used in combat. He looked so handsome, but his eyes were filled with such pungent emotions that the intensity of their moment increased and stretched, passing far beyond Yukari's patronizing lecture and Marian's worry over her physical state.  
  
Van looked over the young woman who sat so calmly just a hundred meters away. Her green eyes were so full of sorrow, regret, and apologies that hadn't yet been given. Blonde-brown hair matted against a sweaty brow, and a lean frame, but these days she seemed much fuller now, with an added healthiness to her body that was different from being physically fit. Van walked to her slowly and nonchalantly, fearing that if he ran, like his legs were aching to do, he would loose all dignity. But of course, he found himself jogging to kneel in front of her, looking up with an empty face waiting to be filled with an explanation or some form of understanding.  
  
Hitomi choked a little, and for selfish reasons she began to cry a little, slowly at first but then dropping down clearly. She leaned forward and fell into Van, who caught her weight with little difficulty. Hitomi stifled her cries by covering her mouth, holding her red face against his shirt, not wanting anyone around them to hear her cry, to see the tears.  
  
Van didn't know what to expect from her actions, but she collapsed, and now he was caught off guard. Had she been kidnapped? Did some man . . . take her? Hundreds of twisted explanations that were in no way Hitomi's fault crossed his mind, making his anger grow bit by bit. He picked her up carefully, and Yukari, who had been standing at a clear distance away from them with Marian, took Hitomi's bag, and the two women followed Van, he carrying Hitomi to his room.  
  
She had immediately quieted when she realized where they were, just she and Van, alone, and now more than before wanted to cover her face with a sheet. She was afraid that he already knew, that somehow her body language had given away all of her secrets that he should know but did not hear from her. How could she admit to something he already knew? It was like a kid admitting to breaking something when their mother already knew they were guilty. Hitomi gulped down the thick lump in her throat, trying to find her words.  
  
"Hitomi, why did you do that?" Van asked suddenly, his voice clipped with tension. He held her at arm's length, trying to make eye contact, but Hitomi only looked away. "What happened? Did someone do something to you?" When she didn't answer again, Van was getting very upset, "Hitomi, tell me!" He said, his voice rose a little.  
  
"I left on my own accord." Hitomi said, this time looking at him, "I had to get away and think for a while, Van."  
  
Van looked at her quizzically, his eyes confused, then twisting into emotions Hitomi had rarely seen from him. Why would she want to leave when she had just returned, and when they hadn't spent any time together at all? He suddenly felt very angry, "Well why didn't you say anything? You could have at least told me where you were going, so I could protect you!" He snapped.  
  
Hitomi glared at him, "I do not need YOUR protection, Van Fanel, and I certainly do not have to tell you what I'm going to do!"  
  
"Yes, you do!" He argued with an arrogant air, "Something could happen to you!"  
  
"I'm not chained to you, you know, I'm a free woman! I do not, and WILL not ever bend to you!"  
  
"That's not what I'm concerned about, Hitomi!"  
  
"Well you better be concerned about it, because I-"  
  
"Damnit, Hitomi!" Van cut her off with aggravation, pinning her down, "Well you listen?! I was really worried something happened to you! And look at you! Just a while ago you were crying out in the courtyard! Now what in the hell am I supposed to think about that?" Van was breathing hard, and Hitomi wasn't looking him in the eyes. Van knitted his brows together, and then his face relaxed as he tried to catch her gaze. He leaned off of her and took her right hand in both of his, "I love you too much, Hitomi," he said softly, "and I don't want to lose you."  
  
But Hitomi's reaction was far different than from what he was expecting. She went blank, a sadness filling her eyes as tears brimmed the edges. He took her by her shoulders, hoping to offer comfort, and Hitomi slouched a little, relaxing. She leaned in to him, making small mental notes of his face, the strong line of his set jaw, the shape of his face, his long nose, partially opened lips . . . Van was so handsome, Hitomi though absentmindedly, playing with a stray lock of his thick, black hair. Van was staring at her intently, watching her every muscle that moved. His features are still very boyish, though, and young. I think they will stay that way, she concluded, even though he is a young king. It's just Van. Just the man I love.  
  
She traced the outline of his eyebrows, trailing to the profile of his nose. She hesitated before she touched his lips, but when she did and smiled Van didn't miss his chance. He quickly closed the distance between them and covered her mouth. Hitomi told herself not to, but easily responded to him, just like that night months ago. She blushed slightly at remembrance, but for now did not care. Just once more, she thought, once more with him.  
  
Van tilted her head with one hand, giving him better access as he slid his tongue down the sides of her mouth, cradling her back as he lowered them to the soft comforter. Hitomi moaned a little out the side of her mouth, causing Van to go over his limits. He wanted to go farther, but knew right now wasn't the best of times to do that. He heightened the kiss, a thing he was getting better at, no doubt the effect of much practice with the young woman below him.  
  
Hitomi wrapped her arms around her angel king, small droplets pooling at the corner of her eyelids lids and dropping. When Van felt them on her cheeks he ended their kiss softly, lightly trailing kisses at the corners of her mouth.  
  
"Stop, Van." Hitomi said softly and firmly, pulling him back to reality. He looked up at her still form quizzically, then remembered why they were here in the first place, and glared at her intently.  
  
Hitomi immediately knew where this was going, but she couldn't stop it now. "There's something I need to tell you. About why I left. And I need you to understand my choices and respect them, okay?"  
  
When Van didn't reply and just kept staring at her, Hitomi was getting nervous, "Okay, Van?"  
  
He breathed in sharply, and then relaxed, "Go on, Hitomi."  
  
She knew it wasn't a direct answer, probably one he used when dealing with politics, never promising anything. But their life here could hold so much promise. . .  
  
Pulling him into a thick embrace Hitomi stared at the walls over his shoulder. She didn't want to see his eyes, "I have to leave in the morning."  
  
"I know you have to back to Earth, Hitomi. What's so grave about that?" He asked, pulling back so he could look into her eyes.  
  
"Because, Van," Hitomi said, almost on the verge of a new set of tears. Her heart raced in her chest and she looked directly at him.  
  
"Because I'm not coming back."  
  
***  
  
Hmm, an interesting development, eh? Do things seem to be going slow? I think they are, and I'm having extreme doubts about my writing abilities right now. Is it lacking something? Please review! I'd like to gush with pride when we reach 100 reviews! (Yeah, I know what you guys are thinking: "Dream on!") But it could work . . . just a few more chapters . . .  
  
Step 1, 2, 3, 4, 5-  
  
Draw!  
  
Bang!  
  
Thud.  
  
~Cev . . . 


	7. The Deep Song

I didn't expect to get this one out so fast. I had a free weekend of writing, so I got chapter four.5 and this one written in one day. Ah, time . . .I wish I had more of it. Anyway, time to sleep! It's 11 o'clock, and I have to get up early tomorrow morning! Enjoy the chapter; I think it's a good one.  
  
Disclaimer: See Chap. 1  
  
***  
  
Sing a Lullaby  
  
By Cev  
  
Chapter Five: The Deep Song  
  
***  
  
"What do you mean? Hitomi, what's going on?" Van asked, stunned. His once regal, erect posture was slumping.  
  
"I won't come back here, Van," Hitomi repeated, standing up with renewed confidence. Once the words came out, it was now easier to tell him. There was no going back now. She had finally reached the point of no return, the place she had come to fear the most. "And I certainly cannot marry you." She reached into the pocket of her faded jeans, pulling out the most beloved thing she had ever come to know.  
  
Van's brain froze as the girl from the Mystic Moon placed the engagement ring into his hand, followed quickly by the thick band with his family crest on it. He stared at them for a moment incredulously, and then looked into Hitomi's faraway eyes. She looked like she was in a trace, as if she had just come out of a vision. He felt that way right now. Was this real?  
  
Hitomi looked at him with an indifferent appeal, somehow emotionally removed from their world. She put her hand over his, and inwardly broke when he flinched.  
  
"There are just some things you can't understand, Van." She said softly, looking up into his eyes, "I can't be your Queen, and I can't help you lead Fanelia. I've always known it, but I never thought I'd stop denying it. I can't handle the responsibility," Hitomi was giving all she had to keep her calm composure. Of course she would help him if she could. She would love to help with Fanelia, to rid them of their debt, lead his people and create a new world . . .  
  
No, her common sense kicked in again while Van let her words sink in, and she continued. "I can't handle being some Royal. Especially since I don't even know this place at all. I'd have to learn everything over again. I don't want to do that, Van, I don't want to be 'your' Queen. I just want to be a normal girl. Earth is my home, it is where I belong. I know Earth like I know myself, and though it's corrupt and bad there most of the time; it's familiar and what I've known for sixteen years. It's safer there. There are rules for someone's safety. You can travel in that world and don't have to worry about things like being attacked by some band of 'Dragonslayers' or dying from some foreign world disease that has no cure." Hitomi paused a little, gathering her last gall so she could kill all hope of her staying, "Even so, I could live here, Van."  
  
Van looked up into her eyes, the first statement drawing his eyes to her and not the two bands in his hands.  
  
"I could learn over again, I could stay. I could belong here just as much as there. I wouldn't cause some twist in some space equilibrium. I am connected to Gaea just as much as 'The Mystic Moon'."  
  
Hitomi knew she was giving him hope, and knew would feel cruel for crushing it with her next words, "But I'm not going to, Van. I'm choosing to leave. That's why I came here, to tell you of all this. I'm sorry about two days ago, because my emotions were getting the better of me, and I had been a little lonely. Please respect my decision. I won't ever come back, and I don't want to. Don't come to Earth. We have our separate homes, mine is on Earth, just as a normal girl. You have to stay here, because you're a King. We're different, and we have to accept it."  
  
Van stood there motionless for at least five minutes as Hitomi waited for his response.  
  
Van's mind raced for explanations, trying to discern the meaning of her words. What was he supposed to say? His future plans, his life was now going to be completely changed. There was nothing he could do, nothing he could control. Of course, he told himself cynically, why would she accept his proposal? She was too much of a coward to want to be with him. She didn't love him enough to stay, didn't love him enough to be his Queen, and didn't love Fanelia enough to help them. But she had helped him so much. Why would she back out now? Because she didn't want to put in the commitment, and especially didn't want the burdens that came with the royal title. She just wanted to be a pampered little princess, with all the glory, but none of the hard work. His heart-broken mind was drunk, thinking the worst possible reasons, until he finally snapped.  
  
Sucking in a sharp breath, Van closed his hand around the two rings into a white fist. He marched up to Hitomi, glaring at her so wrathfully that in the two years she had known him, Hitomi was afraid, her nerves melting into a cold numbness. "Fine," he hissed out in a harsh whisper, ignoring the fear in his beloved's eyes, "I wouldn't EVER want to marry a SELFISH little girl who wouldn't change because she's FUCKING afraid of RESPIONSIBILITY!"  
  
With the last hateful words roared out with a crushing force, Van ripped Hitomi's precious pendant from his neck, hurled it to her feet, and stormed out of the room, slamming the door with such a terrible force it swung inside the wrong way and broke the wooden frame around it. Hitomi gasped and covered her mouth, her fingers twitching uncontrollably. She muffled her fearful spasms and listened with unhearing ears as his loud footsteps broke into a run, and his presence disappeared.  
  
When she was sure he was out of hearing range, Hitomi doubled over with a red, bursting with tears face. She picked up the pendant, as delicately as she could with her shaking hands, afraid that with Van's anger it would be chipped or smashed. The clasp was broken, but she could get it fixed or replaced. Hitomi stared at the heirloom, trying to gather her though processes back together. It was flawless, as usual, but now it seemed much duller. She lay on the floor, her hand clutched desperately to the pendant, sprawled out on the floor, crying out with heart-breaking sobs.  
  
Her crying continued for to her and eternity, but she gathered her broken parts and managed to limp to the window, trying to get fresh air to clear her red face and refresh her dulled senses.  
  
"It's still morning," Hitomi said softly, looking out Van's window to the city. She would have to hurry to be able to leave by nightfall.  
  
The wind filtered through the blue-roofed castle that day, bringing in the deep scent of the country, and of trees. The birds sang like any other day, and the clouds danced in the blue sky. Hitomi packed up every one of her belongings, leaving her room barren, as if she'd never been there before.  
  
She gathered Yukari from her room, shutting up her friend's questions with just one solemn look and an, "I'll explain later."  
  
Hitomi caught Marian in the hallway.  
  
"Oh! Milady, are you all right? We were so worried . . ." The kind, old woman rambled on worriedly.  
  
"I'm fine, Marian," Hitomi said, cutting her off with a smile. The morning sun warmed the wood hallway, putting a brightness and kind of unworldly tone to all of the colors of the castle. "But I need a favor."  
  
"Anything, Lady Hitomi!" Marian said, her stocky frame lighting up.  
  
"Did Van ever keep any of his old clothes from when he was a boy? Did he ever save any of his things?"  
  
Marian was puzzled by this request, and Hitomi saw this.  
  
"I'm leaving, Marian, and I don't intend on coming back. I wanted to take something with me, something that he wouldn't know or care about." Hitomi looked at her with pleading eyes.  
  
Yukari looked at her friend with a questioning stare, "What do you want that for, Hitomi? Didn't you say we were leaving, and among all of this, why on earth-"  
  
"Shut up, Yukari." Hitomi said pleasantly, "I'll explain it all later. I already told you this."  
  
Yukari did what she was told, but had a deep need to intervene. Hitomi wasn't doing right! Everything was going wrong! Did she tell Van? Is that why she was leaving and 'not coming back'? Did he not take it well? She and Marian had stuck around the outside of Van's room, but Marian did not want to eavesdrop, so she had scurried away at Yukari's heels to the kitchen for tea.  
  
Marian was thinking on the matter intently. She would definitely be going against her King if she gave Lady Hitomi the things she asked for, but knew she'd regret it for not doing what she could. After all, Lady Hitomi had saved them all. If not just because the young King did love this young woman, shouldn't Marian acquiesce because she owed her personally? It was such a small request from the woman who saved all of Gaea . . .  
  
"I'm not ever coming back, Marian." And the words stuck. Marian knew not why, but she didn't think that was true.  
  
"Can't you two work things out, my dear?" She asked in a motherly tone.  
  
"No," Hitomi said flatly and firmly, "And even if I could, I'm not ever going to try."  
  
The head maid sighed in defeat, the last shred of her hope dismissed quickly. 'We're done for.' She thought, 'And Lord Van . . .my poor King . . .'  
  
"Van doesn't know, but I did save some of his old red smocks from when he was a little boy. There were some parts of the castle that weren't burned down when Zaibach attacked. I have a few bolts of the red cloth Van likes his clothes made out of, along with the traditional Fanelian green. I have some old articles that might fit you, Milady, that are Fanelian style summer dresses." Marian didn't know why she was offering all of these prized things to this girl, but from somewhere inside of her she knew it was right.  
  
Hitomi was on the verge of tears again, "Marian . . ."  
  
"Follow me." The woman said, leading them away from other eyes, deep into the castle rooms. "I keep them in my workrooms, in my sewing room, where the seamstresses and laundry steam rooms are. They are locked away."  
  
As Marian lead them and talked, Hitomi squeezed Yukari's hand in reassurance. "It's okay," she whispered, "I know what I'm doing. Everything will be okay."  
  
Yukari wanted to believe her, but personally didn't trust a pregnant young woman. Pregnant woman weren't to be trusted when it came to sanity. Yukari knew deep down that Hitomi's strange behavior wasn't due to her pregnancy, though. She knew what she was doing. Hitomi did act rashly sometimes, but not with life-altering issues. And ESPECIALLY not when it came to another life, not with the new one she was about to give to the world. She watched Hitomi put her free hand on her stomach, as if looking for strength. Yukari smiled at her friend and squeezed her hand back. Hitomi would need her.  
  
Marian finally opened a door to a steamy, thick, heated room, with hanging linens and clothes lining the walls. All the windows were open and women were fanning cool air into the large room, while others ran about wringing laundry or stitching garments in the attached smaller rooms. Some were bent over two large tubs of steaming water in the middle of the clean, organized wood-lined room, washing clothes by hand.  
  
Marian walked through the whole room, giving greetings to some while some girls and young boys stared at the two ladies, not used to seeing such women in such places. "Stop staring, it's impolite." Marian said loudly and simply to all in the room, and those who were doing so immediately returned to their work. She led the two beyond the room and into another hallway of doors, which seemed to be a back way of getting into the maid's offices. She opened the door to her own office. It was cluttered but seemed, in its own way, organized. Marian took the keys from the pocket in her green maid's uniform, and unlocked a closet that was behind her desk. It was large and a walk-in, and she came out with a large box.  
  
Hitomi and Yukari were a little afraid of looking in it, but Marian beckoned Hitomi with her hands, "Take what you want, my dear, let me get you something so you can take it with you."  
  
"Marian," Hitomi protested, "I only wanted a simple shirt, something little,"  
  
Marian cut her off, "No one ever uses these things. It rots away in this closet. I never use the bolts of fabric since Lord Van has taken a liking to some other type of materials. Someone ought to use them, and I can think of no one better than you, Lady Hitomi. At least they will have use and value to you." She said the last part with a kind of love, and Hitomi was reminded of her own mother.  
  
"Thank you," She said hoarsely, "You don't know what this means to me."  
  
"Now don't fuss," Marian smiled, "You take what you want, and you'd better be off before it gets too late. Your family needs you, I have no doubts about that."  
  
"You're right," Hitomi said, and turned to the box. "Will you help me, Yukari?"  
  
The redhead smiled and nodded, and rummaged through their findings. After a while, they had fit a few red smocks and tan shorts in the large canvas bag Marian had found, along with the belt of green fabric. A few bright white sundresses were found on the bottom of the box, not of any sentimental value when it came to Van, but representing Fanelian styles and meaningful none-the-less.  
  
***  
  
Hitomi had said her heartfelt goodbyes to the few she personally knew in the castle. She hadn't seen Van at all since the morning, but knew her heart would break if she did. Merle didn't understand, and was becoming angry, but agreed to see them off.  
  
By the time the sky was blue fading into black, and the stars sprinkled lights of unused hope into Hitomi's heart, she, Yukari, and Merle had arrived in the very spot that Van had sent Hitomi back at a year and a half ago.  
  
"Thank you, Merle." Hitomi said sadly.  
  
The orange cat-girl's ears lowered with a slow despondency, "I still don't know why you and Van aren't together, and everything seems so hard. But can't it all get better?" She asked.  
  
Hitomi wanted to answer, but Yukari found herself butting in, "Fanelia is going to change, but Hitomi can't change with it, Merle, that's all that's happening."  
  
"I didn't ask you!" Merle said indignantly to the girl. Yukari huffed and walked off.  
  
Hitomi smiled, "I'll miss you, Merle, you're my friend."  
  
Merle sighed, her tail swishing low to the green grass in a rhythm that added to the sad notes the nature of Gaea sang on that night. "Hitomi, you know what will happen to Van if you leave."  
  
"He'll be okay, time heals all wounds," Hitomi said reassuringly. "And he'll understand why I made my decision a few years from now. Maybe he'll even thank me for it."  
  
"I don't know where you get your psycho philosophy, Hitomi Kanzaki, but I guess I can't make you change your mind." Merle hugged Hitomi quickly, and then ran off into the trees, away from the two girls that held hands.  
  
"Take care of him. I'm counting on you." Hitomi said, her last words faded as the great white column took the two girls up and away from Gaea.  
  
"He'll never forgive, Hitomi, not until you come back, he'll never forgive, never forget." Merle said into the lonely night.  
  
***  
  
Van watched from the topmost rampart at the gleaming white column that pierced the night sky and rammed into the innermost parts of his soul. "I think I'm dying." He thought to himself, tears threatening to spill. Things would never be the same. And Van knew, then and there, that no matter what life threw at him, he would take it, could be strong. But not this. Not this disappointment, not this sorrow he felt in his heart.  
  
"Hitomi, I'm sorry." Van said quietly, thankful no one was around. He climbed to the roof of the tallest building, and when he got there, stared at the Mystic Moon. 'I can't ever love again. As long as I'm living, I'm gonna love you, Hitomi. I'll die before I start loving someone else.'  
  
He took in a deep breath.  
  
"Besides, I'm dead now anyway."  
  
And the crickets chirped, the stars twinkled, the wind blew, the clouds faded his vision. The deep voice of nature sung out into the hollows of every heart, a sonorous bass sound filling the depths of the young Draconian's empty soul.  
  
***  
  
Wow, that was sad. Sorry, folks, I didn't expect it to be that sad. It'll get more light-hearted, just wait ^_^. I hope you REVIEW!!  
  
Here's to lookin' at you, kid,  
  
Cev 


	8. Broken Air

Movin' on up, movin' on up . . .  
  
Chapter Six! Written one day after Chapter Four.5 and Chapter 5! So, after the bomb was dropped, we need a little rising action, ne? Well, Hitomi's gotta settle into some new stuff, including dealing with the baby. We're going to have some more focus on Hitomi's new child from now on, since the little bugger will have a lot to do with her future ^_^.  
  
***  
  
Sing a Lullaby  
  
By Cev  
  
Chapter Six: Broken Air  
  
***  
  
Yukari looked at, yet again, the familiar site of Hitomi's empty desk in front of her. The redhead listened idly to her lecturing teacher, rolling her pencil between her fingers, her focus drawn outside to the trees. She couldn't believe how much of a difference the clean air of Gaea had made on her. The minute she got back her chest felt compressed with the pollution of the city. Yukari was reminded of how Hitomi fainted when they got back. Yukari had just walked Hitomi home, and the sandy-haired girl had said not one word, had just walked inside the house, didn't even greet her family, and shut the door to her room quietly.  
  
Yukari jumped when her teacher's voice stung through the air, "Miss Uchida, will you be joining us anytime soon?" The man's balding head shimmered with sweaty agitation, his wrinkled eyes glaring at the 'most disrespectful student'.  
  
Yukari didn't say anything, just watched the man with growing distaste. She never liked Mr. Teno, and his banal lectures never were good for note taking. One had to have a quick hand for his lectures, like Hitomi. . .  
  
"I hope you'll appreciate detention this afternoon, Uchida. Or perhaps, you'd like to pay attention and join the class?"  
  
"Yes, sensei," Yukari said clearly, slumping into her desk and picking up her pencil again.  
  
When the bell rang, Yukari left as soon as she could, glad that she was away from the school's grasp. She walked her usual route, but paused when she was about to pass Hitomi's street. She knew better, but her heart couldn't stop questioning. Hitomi still hadn't said anything to anyone, and it had nearly been a month since they had gotten back. She'd gone to school for a while, but by now she'd gotten a small bulge, and Hitomi's fears were starting to get in between her and her future. Yukari still didn't know what really happened, and she needed to hear from Hitomi for herself. Not only that, but Hitomi needed to start figuring out what she wanted to do. The baby wouldn't be accepted here in Japan, not with the pressures of school and to continue to a good career. Hitomi's life might as well been completely over. If she really wanted to be able support the baby, she'd either have to live off her parents all her life or move. 'She could always go to America,' Yukari thought suddenly. 'Couldn't she at least halfway survive there? Hitomi's English is near perfect, anyway . . .'  
  
Yukari turned on the street and walked towards Hitomi's house with a new purpose. Her friend needed her future planned out this time, and Yukari would do her best to make sure it would be a good one.  
  
***  
  
Hitomi watched the rain falling gently on her glass window, streaking the light and magnifying their patterns, mirrored in the weak, sad light that poured into her bedroom. She was humming softly, almost inaudibly, but to the life in heard it, for it was as clear and sure as change, and Hitomi's ever-growing stomach was encircled by her arms.  
  
She closed her eyes, feeling a great warmth travel through her. Her back prickled like electricity was running up and down her spinal chord. Trickles of blood combined as tributaries, then as rivers, pooling from her back, in her bed and staining the white sheets.  
  
Staining . . .  
  
Huge white light burst from around her, engulfing her and making her head spin. She felt as if her back would break. Her world turned upside down, and Hitomi didn't know which way was north or south, or what was up or on the ground. In her panic, she had managed to find a stable surface, something she could hold on to. As soon as all her limbs were touching the surface, the light faded and receded behind her. Wide-mouthed, she realized she was standing on the blue roof of the Fanelia Castle.  
  
She couldn't understand why she had been called here this time, but wondered silently if it was because of the life inside her. She moved a little to the side to get a better view of the city she had just left months before when Hitomi suddenly became aware of the huge weight on her back. She turned around, but the weight went with her. After traveling in circles, she concluding that it was strapped to her back, but there were no chords or straps.  
  
Wings.  
  
They're my wings . . .?  
  
But that was impossible!  
  
Hitomi looked down at the ground just below the high roof, and found Van standing calmly with an advisor of his in the distance near the south wing, but he did not seem to notice her. Hitomi stepped up to the side of the roof, not knowing she was moving, as if it was automatic.  
  
I want to reach him, she thought, I want to fly from here.  
  
Wingspan stretched as far as she could manage, Hitomi jumped from the building, and glided.  
  
But her body weight was heavy with pregnancy, and her wings were weak. The left one broke, signaled by her agonized scream, and she toppled to her backbreaking death.  
  
"VAN!" Someone screamed, seeing her fall. But Hitomi heard the voice and knew it was hers, but that she had not screamed. A girl, with long, sandy brown hair, strappy, flat sandals, and a white smock had screamed, her green, foreseeing eyes locked with tears at the sight of the girl from the Mystic Moon falling.  
  
The Van saw her, her now smaller frame, and wiped out his astonishment and shock, then ripped apart his formal shirt and vest. His wings poured out of his strong back and lifted him towards her.  
  
But it was too late.  
  
And she fell, without his help, his grasp too late.  
  
Van, surrounded by the blood of a broken neck, cried for reasons he didn't know of. A black, opaque veil covered Hitomi's small eyes, and as she took two last, small breaths, and she saw herself looking back at her with sorrow, hugging her own frame and crying out a familiar name, crying and rocking back and forth, crying and doubled over, as if she had just died.  
  
But she did, wailing there in the grass, watching herself die.  
  
***  
  
Hmmm, I'll cut it off here for cliffhanger purposes. Please review ^_^. I love all of you who have so dedicated yourselves to reading and giving me happy little reviews, in which I will answer all questions in the coming chapter: Number Seven, Life and Laughter.  
  
Ya live and you learn, And then get luvs And then realized That you were penalized For something you loved to lie About your feelings for him.  
  
Thanks, ya'll! Cev 


	9. The Lonely Sky

Aren't you proud? I figured out how to use italics and whatnot. Took me a little too long, don't you think? I'd been trying to use /i when all I needed was just the i. Damn my slowness. Okay, so ya'll are going to kill me, but I think you'll like the last half of the story. I mean, ya'll will i like it. I know I do. *sigh* where's my own little dark- haired Draconian???  
  
Oh well. Hey! Good News! I'm working on a new story. It's going to be a musical-like thing, revolving around high school bands, and an Escaflowne fic. It's all music, and it's already fun to write. I'm working on chapter one, and I hope that everyone who reads my other fics will like this newer one. Anyways...reviews!  
  
I'm going to start answering reviews that have questions and stuff, or that send me a really long review and I just want to give them gratitude. Thanks to everyone who's been reviewing so far, it means so much to me! It's like the air I breathe, water I drink, the food I eat. Well, you get the idea . . .  
  
u: OH! Don't worry! She hasn't died . . . yet (mwuhahaha) just kidding. Do you really think I'd kill off my most beloved character?  
  
uAvelyn Laurenu: Yeah, I do it a lot. ^_^ I guess you could say they're reaching out to him, that makes sense. Although, honestly, I wasn't looking at it like that at all! Weird! I guess that's not saying much about me, eh? *meep*  
  
u: Well, not exactly. You'll understand what that last half of chapter six is all about in the next few chapters.  
  
Anyway, on with the show!  
  
Disclaimer: See Chap. 1  
  
***  
  
Sing a Lullaby  
  
By Cev  
  
Chapter Seven: The Lonely Sky  
  
***  
  
And the dark and lonely sky. . .  
  
***  
  
Hitomi looked blankly at her friend across the dining room table, idly prodding the ice in her water glass with a straw. Her wry grin was shielded by a hand, just in case Yukari's frustration would be taken out on her. She and Yukari were waiting impatiently for Hitomi's mother to take Hitomi to her first official 'appointment', and Mrs. Kanzaki was running late. Yukari's over-protectiveness was beginning to make the red head become like a second mother, and her actions were so serious that Hitomi couldn't help but laugh: the situation was really quite funny when she thought about it.  
  
If she didn't think of it in a funny way, how could she survive it, anyway?  
  
Yukari had been begging Hitomi to plan out a future, to look ahead. Hitomi listening with faint interest- she had no clue about what she would do, and nothing Yukari said seemed to work out right in her mind. It was as if Hitomi would not agree to anything that was unfamiliar.  
  
America . . . Hitomi had listened when Yukari brought that up, but after she thought about it, she just shook her head and disagreed. The place would be just as hard to live in with a newborn as Japan, and she would be far from friends and family, and would most likely end up being on the streets. For now the discussion of Hitomi's future would be on hold until other issues, like her upcoming doctor's appointment, were taken care of. Yukari still was uneasy, though, and Hitomi couldn't convey her emotions to Yukari in a way to make sense.  
  
At the moment, Hitomi's mind was wandering to other things that didn't make sense, like a recurring dream she kept having. In the last three months that they had returned- Hitomi's dreams had been haunted by a nightmare in which she would witness the same scene of her death – or someone's death – from watching by the sidelines as a despairing Van reached out too late, and the other perspective where she became the person falling from the roof and dying.  
  
The dream bothered her, and the intensity seemed to grow as her pregnancy progressed. Was it a vision? Or just a dream? Yukari had thought that perhaps it was because of all the tensions she was bearing, but Hitomi wasn't so sure, even though it was true that she was stressed. She had become a home-schooled student, and her interactions with people were extremely limited. Hitomi was embarrassed, and Yukari could tell the circumstances this mess had created were taking a toll on her. She was pale because she never went out, but even through her exhausting tears at night and sudden wailing, emotional outbursts, Hitomi was sure to at least eat right. If not for her own sake- but for the baby's.  
  
Hitomi took a drink of water; a wedge of lemon squeezed and swirled into the cooled liquid. She was grateful for her family, and that was all she needed right now.  
  
"Yukari," Hitomi began softly, getting the direct attention of the red- haired girl, "I don't think I thank you enough. You've done a lot for me, when many other friends have just walked away. I . . . I don't know what I'd do without you."  
  
Yukari's stern expression softened, and she smiled warmly at the blond. "Hitomi, there's no need to thank me. I know you'd do the same for me. And besides, I need your haggard little self as much as you need me."  
  
Hitomi laughed, and just when the girls were comfortably settled, a familiar honk sounded in the driveway. The two made their way outside, locking the door behind them. Yukari took Hitomi by the arms and led her to the car.  
  
Hitomi jerked away, "What are you doing?" She asked haughtily.  
  
"Helping a pregnant mess!" Yukari said with a wry grin.  
  
Hitomi glared at her friend with good humor behind her eyes, "Yukari Uchida, I am b an invalid!"  
  
"Could have fooled me . . ."  
  
As Hitomi's mother gave her a warm embrace, Hitomi was led to the backseat while Yukari rode in the front, making conversation with Mrs. Kanzaki.  
  
For the life of her, Hitomi couldn't give a reason as to why the situation reminded her of Merle. She pictured Van's adopted sister in her mind, with the cat girl's bright pink hair bouncing every time she moved. A bright orange dress, and the long nail file hanging from her neck. Her strong, tiny limbs, and the ease at which they moved. The thought of her made Hitomi smile, and a memory of her antics made her laugh a little. Yukari and Mrs. Kanzaki paused to look at Hitomi after she laughed, since it was so unlike her those days, but when Hitomi just continued to stare off into space, they both returned to their conversation of schoolwork.  
  
Hitomi's thoughts drifted to the castle where Merle would always be inconspicuously bouncing around, annoying her to no end. Eventually, though she was trying very hard not to, Hitomi was thinking of Van. She saw him in her mind, his deeper than night hair, shading almost red eyes. His stance, always confident, hiding his true attentions, always on guard, except when he was with her or Merle. She could see his sword clipped to his left side, almost like it was an extension of himself, an extra limb he was accustomed to. He's probably getting better everyday, she thought, always training to be better. I wonder how Fanelia is doing, if my choice was right. Was it right? Did she do the right thing by backing down? Has Van moved on now or is he sad, like me? 'No,' Hitomi thought bitterly, remembering their last moment together, 'no, he's probably better off without me. I've always been baggage, always been a burden to him. If it weren't for him, I'd be dead by now.'  
  
A dark expression lingered on Hitomi's face as she went into the hospital, wedged between her mother and Yukari. The stark white hospital was clothed in the smell of iodine, faint scents of blood, and the clean, despicable smell of bleach. Hitomi was getting nervous. She adverted her eyes from anyone coming near. Everyone seemed as if they were about to jump out and accuse her. 'Wench!' 'Whore!' Repeated in Hitomi's head, and she felt slightly dizzy as they neared the elevator. Hitomi grasped the rail lining the confined space, and Yukari gave Hitomi a worried look, her brows furrowed together. A few people in the elevator were staring with judging eyes at Hitomi's bulging stomach. Hitomi felt like she was going to hurl, but she felt a strong arm encircle her shoulders, and she looked up to see her mother smiling down on her. Hitomi felt her mom's love and managed to weakly smile back up at her robust mother.  
  
Yukari smiled reassuredly, and quietly Hitomi thanked them with all the love in her heart. They reached the fifth floor and Hitomi walked with a reenergized step, and soon the three women were waiting for the pediatrician to arrive while Hitomi changed into a gown.  
  
***  
  
"Miss Kanzaki, I fear there will probably severe problems with your child." The doctor said after Hitomi had changed. He was showing her pictures of the baby inside her womb, but Hitomi couldn't see anything.  
  
Hitomi felt her stomach clench tightly and looked up at her pediatrician with fear, "What do you mean, 'i'?!" She asked with an excited voice.  
  
Aya put a hand on her daughter's shoulder, and looked at the woman in the eye, "Please, ma'am, what's wrong with the baby?"  
  
The brown-haired doctor looked at the older woman with sympathy in her eyes, and she picked up one of the pictures. Hitomi was looking over the tiny head and the trace outline to the form, but the doctor was pointing to two white bumps along the baby's back, "This is where the shoulder blades are, and everything else it fine," She began slowly, "But these two white bumps appear to be a bone deformity along the baby's spine and shoulder blades. If they continue to grow with the baby, the birth will be very hard for you, Miss Kanzaki," The doctor looked into the young girl's eyes seriously, "You might not even make it. I don't even think a sea section will help. . ."  
  
Aya clenched her hands together, and Yukari's mouth dropped. Hitomi's face was frustrated and her eyes were angry. She didn't talk at all, and seemed to be thinking very hard.  
  
"There's nothing we can do about it right now," The doctor said, "But I want you to come back and see me in three weeks. If there's any unnatural pain I want you to come see me before then, okay, Hitomi?"  
  
The young girl nodded dumbly, and Mrs. Kanzaki thanked the doctor quietly, and before long, the three women were back in the car, heading back towards the Kanzaki residence.  
  
Yukari watched her friend's pained expression, and sighed, almost on the verge of tears herself. She swallowed back a lump, and silently watched the road.  
  
The houses they passed became familiar again, and Hitomi folded her arms protectively over her swelling belly. She leaned over, closing her eyes in pain. If only Van was here, she thought miserably, he'd know what to do. Millerna would help me; she's such a good doctor. I wonder how's she doing, and how Austria is. Has Dryden married her yet? What is Van going to do with his country? She missed him so much. Was she really going to lose this baby? Could she possibly- no, no, she didn't even want to think about it. But now a dark seed had planted itself in her heart and Hitomi began to feel it weighing down on her. Teen pregnancy was almost like a taboo, but strangely the green-eyed Seer didn't feel so bad about it. The thought of a life being produced from she and Van was something like the rainbow in the clouds, a cure for leukemia, or peace on earth. It was nothing short of a miracle. Wasn't that life? This unborn child was her love, her connection; it was flesh of her flesh. Hitomi looked up into an unyielding sky and closed her eyes again, dosing off into a dreamless sleep.  
  
'Why. . .??'  
  
***  
  
"I think Van has his mind set on Hitomi, not the crowd at the moment," Gadess commented, receiving a loud uproar of laughter from around the bonfire.  
  
Hitomi flushed red, and looked into the flames to distract her eyes. Van had caught her staring at him so much recently, that it was becoming a game of who could catch who staring at the other. Van shifted, embarrassed. It seemed Gadess had a knack for picking on the young couple, and even though it WAS Van's celebration, he and Hitomi had born the back end of various jokes.  
  
The young King moved closer to the girl from the Mystic Moon, and smiled at her warmly. Hitomi flushed an even brighter shade of red, and Van couldn't help but chuckle at the young girl's actions. It was one of many minor reasons among others of why he loved her, anyway.  
  
Food was being set out, and after the King and his closest friends had picked through the dishes to fill their appetites, soon everyone was eating and joining in on the teasing and joking. Even Merle had become a subject and cause of many laughs.  
  
A young Fanelian girl sitting near Van and Hitomi was curious about the Seer and her homeland, and got the chance to ask the shy girl questions after Hitomi and Van had sat down from a dance. "Lady Hitomi, why do you keep your hair so short? It's not very normal for ladies on Gaea to have short hair. In fact, all women have long hair!"  
  
"Is that why you keep your hair so long, Sir Allen?" Van commented with a grin. His statement was appreciated by another outburst of laughter.  
  
Allen glared at the Fanelian King with humor behind his cerulean eyes. "Ah, but I see you're ever careful to preserve that mop of some animal on top of your head," He retorted with a smirk.  
  
Van grinned at the quip, as many others joined in on the laughter. Hitomi smiled, glad the attention was off her. She intertwined her fingers with Van, and smiled at him with a silent thank you.  
  
Van leaned down to her ear, and whispered, "You look very beautiful tonight, Hitomi."  
  
Hitomi blushed prettily, and Van grinned, pleased he could always get a response from the young woman. She was, indeed, very pretty. Her hair was pulled out of her face with light green clips that sparkled slightly in the light of the fire, and her eyes were clear and shined like the green under a dewdrop, accented by her healthy tan she had built up throughout her track practices. She dressed simply in a summer dress that came just below her knee, a cream yellow color that was lined with a dark and light green stripe at the bottom seam, and cross-strapped in the back, revealing the upper half of her back, still slightly warm from her summer tan that slightly burnt her. Her feet were clean and looked taken care of, but were the result of a recent pedicure before she had revisited for Van's sixteenth birthday. They were loosely strapped with light tan sandals that were intricately tied at mid-calf.  
  
Van was looking over her for the umpteenth time that night, and Hitomi could feel a rush of response from under his loving gaze, settling into havoc in her stomach. She looked natural and beautiful, without makeup or uncomfortable clothing. To Van, she seemed to fit in perfectly for him, although many of the other women were dressed in slightly more 'sophisticated' grab that night. No doubt more expensive, Van thought. But Hitomi was pleased with what she had, and that simple characteristic struck a warm place in the young King's heart. It was amazing how well the girl from the Mystic Moon had so quickly stolen his heart, one that seemed so impenetrable before.  
  
Hitomi was watching Van watching her, their competitive game gone. He had ditched his regular red smock for a fitted, short-sleeved red tunic, turned up at the collar and bearing the green royal emblem of the Fanel house on his left side of his upper chest. It was hemmed with yellow thread at the collar, and almost looked gold. He had developed especially lately, and his clothes looked bigger, more filled out to Hitomi. 'Ahh, of course you would notice THAT,' she berated to herself. But she had to admit, the once lanky boy she had first met was becoming a man, something she was trying difficultly to grasp. He had always been handsome. From the minute she had caught his mahogany gaze, she knew he was handsome. But now, it seemed like he was getting more so every day. He, of course, had attached his family sword to his side, a branch of his human body. His deerskin colored pants looked new and clean, tucked into knee-high brown boots. She looked over the angular features of his face again, imprinting another memory into her brain. 'Already so many are trying to vie for his attention,' but Hitomi smiled confidently as she looked into her love's eyes, 'but I'll never have to worry about that.'  
  
Van grinned slyly and pecked her cheek. Many people were finished appeasing their stomachs and thirsts, and were sleeping in tents positioned around the bonfire. A few groggy men were to look after the fire during the night, as the celebration neared the end. They were positioned in the garden outside the castle, just a few yards from comfortable beds and pillows, but many were reluctant to walk all the way back into the guest wing, especially with so many drunk people. The tents served a good purpose.  
  
Hitomi too noticed that many were leaving, and soon it just remained she and Van, along with a few others that eventually dragged off into the night.  
  
"Umm . . ." Van began nervously, chewing on a piece of grass, "Do you want me to take you back inside?"  
  
"No," Hitomi said after looking at the tents, "I'd rather stay out here, the weather's so nice, and it won't stay that way for long."  
  
"Do you . . ."  
  
"Where's your tent?" The honey-haired girl asked expectantly, but flushed afterwards.  
  
Van smiled lightly, and stood, pulling her up with him, "Come on, there's something I need to give to you."  
  
Hitomi looked at him quizzically, but when he pulled back the flap to his canvas tent and they were alone in the dark, she was confused. How was he supposed to show her anything with hardly any light?  
  
Van sat near a soft blanket, and Hitomi joined him. He was fingering something at his side, and Hitomi waited.  
  
"Hitomi," Van began, unsure, "You've been really . . .great lately. You help out with everyone, and we visit each other a lot. I've come to really know your family well, and everyone in Fanelia loves you."  
  
Hitomi laughed uneasily, unsure what to say after receiving such a compliment, "Yeah, I was pretty surprised when my dad took so well to you. Mamoru likes you a lot, you know."  
  
"Yeah, he's a good kid. He's lucky to have such a wonderful sister," Van looked at Hitomi with a soft expression.  
  
The young woman was flabbergasted. Van was loving, yes, but he usually wasn't so frank with his emotions. She knew he wanted to tell her something important. Perhaps he's just drunk, she thought after a while. But then, with a blush, she realized she had been with him the whole night and they had only drunk water and a cool fruit tea.  
  
Van took Hitomi's left hand and kissed her knuckles. She was blushing again, but Van noticed the color rising to her cheeks through the shadowed evening, even though she was trying to hide it.  
  
"Jeeze, Hitomi, you've been blushing all night," He said with his infamous wry grin, "I wonder what's going through your mind?"  
  
Hitomi slapped him playfully, but they laughed together. Van was looking down, still holding her hand lightly, his expression becoming somber again.  
  
"Hitomi, I love you." Van said suddenly, breaking the silence after a while, the girl next to him looking at him intently. A rush of a strong emotion swelled in the young King as he looked back into her green depths fervently. "I think you already know that, but it takes more than words to say something like that to you. It's weird, I guess, because I was so . . . rude to you when we first met. I'd never thought I'd fall in love. It seems impossible, but we're special, because we're here together, tonight, and you've given so much to me. Hitomi, I'm so thankful for you, and for my life as it is now. If it weren't for you, I'd probably be dead by now. And not just physically. . ."  
  
Hitomi was fighting back tears, but couldn't help repeating everything he said in her brain. He was looking at her with such intensity and deep, almost needy emotion that her stomach was quivering.  
  
"Every time you're around, there's this pain in my chest," He continued, "Hitomi," he smiled, "I love you so much it hurts. But it's a good pain, and I don't ever want it to go away. That's why I want you to have this," He pulled out the ring he had been fiddling with, holding it near enough that she could see it, "And I wanted to know, if you'd marry me."  
  
Hitomi looked down, shocked. Van had switched his position so that he was kneeling on his left knee, looking at her with a hopeful expression. He was so . . . outright at the moment that it was hard to keep her mind focused. She opened her mouth to speak, but when nothing came out from her shock she smiled and laughed a little. Van was still looking straight at her, his dark mahogany eyes filled with such emotion and soul that she wasn't sure if she would be able to talk.  
  
"Would you wait for me?" She asked with a watery smile.  
  
"I'd wait a lifetime for you, honey." He said.  
  
"Van . . ." Hitomi smiled wider, knocking the young King down from the force of her hug, and she lay on top of him, covering his mouth was a passionate kiss. He pulled her head in and wrapped her close, trying to gather as much as he could from her in one moment. When Hitomi licked the edge of his mouth, Van could go no further with a simple kiss.  
  
"I guess then, that's a yes?" He asked with a smirk, kissing her nose, and keeping her close to his body. His voice was low and husky, and sent chills and shivers across Hitomi's skin. He stomach twitched with involuntary muscle twitches, her skin excited.  
  
"You dimwit, of course!" Hitomi answered. Van's smiled widened as he rolled over on top of her, propped up on his elbows. He slid the intricately made ring onto her ring finger of her left hand, and looked at her hand, kissing her fingertips.  
  
"Will you stay with me tonight?" Van asked, his eyes now a dark, rich wine.  
  
Hitomi looked up at him thoughtfully, and asked, "Is the flap tied down?"  
  
"Yes. . ." He replied.  
  
She looked up at him, and grinned playfully, "On one condition."  
  
"Oh?" Van said, his eyes shining with humor.  
  
"Only if I can see your wings."  
  
Van laughed and gathered Hitomi up in her arms, feeling his love for her intensify. "I'll never understand why you love my wings so much," He said, undoing his shirt.  
  
"Probably because I love you so much," She said tenderly, looking up at him with affection.  
  
He locked gazes with her and removed his shirt. She couldn't help but think of just all of him, and how perfect and imperfect they were. She felt a need drive her, and she wanted to just melt into the young King. Was it possible on earth to love one person so much? Maybe not, she thought with a look of adoration up at the Draconian's beautifully handsome face, but it's possible here on Gaea, with Van.  
  
"Hitomi, Hitomi. . ." Van whispered huskily, pulling them down, and a white cloud enveloped them both.  
  
***  
  
Okay, so, that didn't take nearly as long as I thought it would. And yes, the last half of the story WAS a flashback, if you remember I wrote earlier that Van and Hitomi had copulated to form that little life inside her at his sixteenth birthday, so yes, if you're quick, you'll catch on. *grin* But I didn't want to go into detail, so there's not going to be any lemons here. I've made that decision because I wanted to keep this story clean and beautiful the way it was *hey, that phrase sounds familiar . . . * So, anyway, I hope ya'll enjoyed it, and keep those reviews a-coming, ya hear?  
  
Move 'em on, Head 'em up! Head 'em up, Move 'em on! Move 'em on, Head 'em up, Rawhide!  
  
Cut 'em out, Ride 'em in! Ride 'em in, Cut 'em out! Cut 'em out, Ride 'em in, Raaaawwwhiiide!!  
  
Yah! *crack*  
  
RAWHIDE! b 


	10. Decision

So it's been a REALLY long time since I've updated. Not so long that we've all aged to gray hairs (well...maybe some of you have...00). Anyways, I'm really sorry that it took so long, but there's just been a lot going on. And that I've rediscovered that guys really suck. But, well, that's my life. Have ya'll read Tsubasa, that newly translated manga from CLAMP? It's beautiful art (naturally), and I love it! Anyways...

Disclaimer: Refer to Chp 1

Thanks to all my reviewers! You guys are awesome!

Now for Chapter Eight...

Sing A Lullaby

By Cev

Chapter Eight: Decision

Van looked over the dark skies, gray-washed with combed clouds, and rain that threatened to spill over at any given moment. It was a gloomy day, and the young Fanelian was thinking of how perfectly the impending weather mirrored such a brutal turn in political events. He jumped from his balcony to the full view of the blue roof, peering over the battlements and beyond. Looking to the streets, Van saw his people bustling about, trying to get to one place to another in quick steps, hoping to outrun the weather. The mountains were a blue blur beyond the muddy fields, fields that were soon to bloom into an agricultural wealth. It was the season for rain, and soon the spring floods would give way to summer, which in turn would dry into the fall harvest, then the deep Fanelian winter would freeze over.

With a slight pang, Van noticed the bright green of a leaf magnified by a dewdrop. Its endless emerald color reminded him sharply of Hitomi, and though she had permeated his thoughts for every waking (and sleeping) moment of his routine life, he was consciously trying to make an effort to not think about her.

It was rather difficult.

Hitomi was like a necessity for his body and mind to function correctly- body cells, veins, vital organs, nerves. With the young Seeress of the Mystic Moon gone, Van could feel deep depression seeping in, and a cold numbness filling him. In such a vast world as Gaea, Van couldn't feel more alone. Not one of his friends or companions seemed to completely fill that void. There was only one person that could cork such a large black hole in his heart, and the only one meant to was Hitomi Kanzaki. The dark gloom closed in Van rapidly, and the Draconian could feel the sadness creep into him, and he emotionally and physically drew into himself, trying to fight it off. He needed something to keep his mind away from that subject.

Politics, Van, think about what you need to do, he thought to himself, almost patronizingly.

With Hiarm arriving in less than an hour, Van did have many other things to think about. He knew that the underhanded King's daughter was young and still attended a private boarding school in east Austria. He also knew that he would not marry the girl for several years to come; but once marriage was proposed, and courtship began, there was no negotiation. It was final, and the priest might as well have said the words the minute Hitomi left. The society that ruled Van's world was strict and had set rules. It was similar to Princess Millerna and Dryden's wedding; however, Van's ordeal was putting his whole country on the line.

I may be a free man, Van quoted to himself, but everywhere I am in chains.

But what did Hiarm have in store with Van? Was this visit just formality and legal documents to be signed? Which, Van knew, that to the King, meant nothing? Was this going to be some scare tactic? Was the brutal King bringing guards?

Whatever it was, it was a stupid move. Social uprising in Hiarmaz had been a political problem for over half a century, and weak leadership wasn't giving solutions to the bitter clashes between classes that disturbed the country's balance. Van was sure, however, of Hiarm's security in the forces of armies. Though half of the whole Hiarmaz army are mercenaries, the King thought. Their hopes in drag-industrialization are going to seep into my country and wipe away all of the natural history.

Van watched with silent loathing as a team of horses led a carriage down the streets and into the gates of his castle, followed by a small number of guards that were heavy with weapons and artillery. People spread in all directions to avoid the foreboding crowd of foreigners, and many looked even scared. Van wanted to wipe them from the streets, but now he could do nothing. The realization of what he'd done was sickening.

He'd sold his country into slavery.

Hitomi looked over the rather large suitcase, mentally going through a checklist of necessities. Her hair, slightly longer than it usually was, was pulled back into two short French braids, flyaways kept down with clips. She was wearing a traditional white Fanelian sundress, her favorite one that she had gotten slightly altered, so that it would fit over her large tummy.

With a hand over her stomach she smiled, though her eyes were sad. She looked out the window with a faraway look, watching the birds fly from trees, the gentle slope of a nearby hill, and the lazy sun dipping into a late afternoon sky, carrying a foray of colors with it. She closed her eyes after absorbing the beautiful scene. She would miss it very much, but her decision was set. She had finally made one, though only two people knew about it. 'This is going to be hard to pull off,' Hitomi thought, opening her eyes and breathing in deep as the sunset lower in the sky.

"Hitomi?" Yukari's bright red head popped from behind the doorframe of her room, smiling at her friend, "What are you doing?"

"Just making sure you have everything for your 'trip'." Hitomi said, smiling back wearily.

"Are you okay?" Yukari asked, taking Hitomi by the shoulders and leading her to a chair, "You shouldn't be doing stuff like this. I can pack for myself."

Hitomi chuckled, pulling on one of the short, French braided pigtails Yukari had done for her yesterday. Hitomi hadn't taken them out yet, for she hadn't showered. The Seeress was sure she stank. "I'm fine, Yukari. What time are you leaving on Tuesday?"

"Well. . ." Yukari put her finger to her chin, thinking of what Amano had told her, "Amano said we'd be leaving pretty early in the morning, so I'll maybe be able to have breakfast with you before we leave for Europe."

"I'm sad that you will be leaving, but I know it'll be the best for everyone. Studying abroad! I bet it will be fun, especially since you and Amano are going together."

"Yeah, I'm happy." But Yukari frowned when she looked back at Hitomi, "But I think it's best that we go now, that way when you leave your mother won't be able to question me. It's Sunday, so we still have a day. When are you going to leave?"

Hitomi stared out Yukari's window, immersed in thought, "I'm not quiet sure. I was thinking I should do it Tuesday or Wednesday at night, but I'm definitely sure that Van would be able to see me and follow me, if he still would," she added.

Yukari looked over at her friend was a concerned expression, but Hitomi continued, "In the middle of the day he'll be busy with citizens and his duties, but there will be many civilians that would be able to see the white column."

"Isn't there someway you can control the beam? Maybe you can transport yourself away from the castle?" Yukari asked, crossing her arms over her black cardigan, along with her jean-covered legs and leaning against her desk.

"I don't know. I might be able to, if I wish just right. I'll probably stay with Erin Jadwyk and his family before I find somewhere more permanent. I think I'll head to Austria so Millerna can help me with the delivery, and maybe move on to Freid, since Van doesn't visit Duke Chid as much as he goes to Palas." Hitomi tapped her chin in thought.

"I wish you would have decided to come with us." Yukari said with a fleeting look.

Hitomi smiled, "You know that would have been impossible. And even if you did bring me along, I would be a burden. You have a brilliant future ahead of you, and I believe I do, too, just not here on Earth. My child deserves to live in the world where it was conceived, where she or he will be accepted."

Yukari smiled nervously, "What about the child's defect?"

"Defect?"

"The lumps growing on its back."

"I have an idea of what it is . . ." Hitomi said, trailing off, "But I'm not so sure. Maybe traveling between worlds affected it. I don't know, but I don't think it is a defect. Even so, I have to go back. Gaea is going to be my home from now on. . ."

"I just hope your delivery isn't hard." Yukari paused, and looked at the healthy, young, pregnant teenager. She had gone through harsh difficulties within the last five months. It wasn't getting any easier for her, and she looked dreadfully pale from being inside for such long periods of time, even with school being out, and Yukari and Amano going to continue their studies in Europe. Images with her best friend flashed in her mind's eye, and Yukari felt a strange pain bubbling up in her chest. Tears threatened to fall when she noticed that Hitomi, too, was beginning to get nostalgic. "Hitomi, I'm going to miss you so much!" Yukari croaked out, hugging her dear friend as hard as she could without hurting her.

Hitomi eyes welled and tears were beginning to flood her face, and she sniffed and hugged Yukari just as fiercely, "I'm going to miss you, too. You were always there for me, Yukari, never gave up on me. I would be lost and gone without your help. My life would be hell. I still can't believe how much time and energy you gave to me. That was more than anyone's ever given me, even Van." Hitomi broke and started sobbing, "I don't know what I'm going to do! I'll come and visit, and talk to you, but it'll never be the same! I'll never be able to find someone to fill such a large hole. First Van, and now you!"

Yukari sniffled, and lowered her sobs, stroking Hitomi's hair to calm her, and hugging her close. This was harder than she thought it would be. "It's okay," She said hoarsely, moving back and giving Hitomi a watery smile, "We'll always be in each others' hearts. You pray for me, okay?" Hitomi nodded, "And I'll pray for you, and God will guide us. You just have to look right here." Yukari pressed a finger over Hitomi's heart, "And I'll be there for you, whenever you need me."

"You can expect the same, and more from me." Hitomi said assuredly, finally turning her overwhelmingly sad tears into a wet smile. "We know where we'll going, but we'll reach those goals together."

The two friends shared another embrace, one of many to come in a long, two- day goodbye, but Hitomi knew that even though Yukari would be gone from her side, and she from Yukari's, that her memory and friendship would set her mind into focus of her goal.

That goal was to give her child the greatest amount of love she could muster. No child should have to grow up with a broken parent or a burdened love. And that would not happen to her kid, not if she could help it. Things would have to get better from here, not worse. Hitomi just had to muster enough strength to realize that goal, and work out a strategy in her mind. Surviving in Gaea alone would take all her wit and energy.

"If anyone can manage it, it'll be me."

The darkness of the night pierced the inner depths of the traveler's weary form, but not even the weather or the bleak night could dampen Hiarm's spirits. The Hiarmaz King walked with a smug facial expression, although his pride in victory over the rural country that he had just assumed puppet master of was held up by a feebling body and arthritic bones. His large, overweight frame was covered with the bright dark reds of his country, speckled with jewels and ornamented robes, which outweighed the simple Fanelian attire that Van had always been comfortable in. However, for the dreaded King's arrival, the young ruler of his home had donned green-lined black robes, with long, straight black pants hugging around thick black boots that were fitted to him. It was Van's best and most comfortable attire, but he found that the pompous King of Hiarmaz overdid him.

Van had never realized how such a small and insignificant thing could become such a well of anger. But the unimportant thing was pissing him off, but more so was Hiarm's arrogant, self-centered attitude. He treated Van as if he was an infant! Granted, he was young for a King, but he deserved respect! Van had to grind his teeth to keep himself from saying something to Hiarm's retreating back. Marian had taken the King to temporary quarters in the castle, but Van was surprised. He was expecting the man to demand to take over Van's own chambers.

Van visibly relaxed when the door to his office closed, and after Van had locked it from the inside, he sunk into his thick chair, a single luxury of the crowded room-littered with papers, documents, and shelves- that King Dryden and Queen Millerna had sent him for his sixteenth birthday.

His sudden recollection of that day had caught him off guard, and Van found himself automatically fumbling under his upturned and lined collar for a thin chain. He clenched the two rings that were laced in the chain around his neck, folding them into white hands, and leaning over his desk, against his clasped hands.

This was not the first time his thoughts had drifted in this way. It was recurring, but Van was having a hard time letting go. He should, and he knew that he would have to one day, in the future. But he couldn't find himself doing it, even though day after day he said he would with conviction. Life without one thought of the stranger from the accursed moon he had fell in love with was bleak and unstable, and it was sometimes difficult for Van to concentrate on fixing his country with such a leaden heart.

'How can I lead this nation when I can't even manage myself?' He thought angrily, stuffing the necklace back down under his shirt.

Van stood tall now, towering over most people. A growth spurt had made him grow more into himself, though the spurts were becoming less and less now. Five months had changed everything in Fanelia, and Van felt that he had aged a century. Hiarm was making himself comfortable in HIS castle, ordering people about as if the were his lowly servants. It was one of many traits in the King from Hiarmaz that pissed Van off. And Van's anger was beginning to get more and more uncontrollable with every day.

"So he's blackmailing you even more?" Lord Devon asked, appearing from around a corridor as Van walked out of his office.

Van's expression furrowed into a frown, and he kept walking, but slowed down for the old man. "Yes," he sneered softly, "He's deciding to take the upmost advantage of our country's boundaries and land while his daughter waits patiently. She still has four fuking years to complete before she comes to our country. However, I am required to escort her to Palas in those next few years for the festival season during the summer. I'm loathing the idea, and it's just a month away. At least Hiarm will be back in his own home by then."

"And where will we be donating land to Hiarmaz?"

"The dragon graves in the north, over in the Red basin in the mountains." Van said gravely.

"But there is a village up there!" Devon exclaimed, a loud contrast to Van's voice.

Van breathed in long to calm himself, running a hand through his hair, "Whatever we can do to avoid war." Van watched as his royal advisor frowned and took in that fatal statement, then when Van thought the affect was enough, he continued with his explanation, "Hiarm's promised to let the people leave peacefully without violence. We're going to have to relocate the whole town."

"To where?" Lord Devon asked.

"Most likely out of the mountains and more southern to Hipa, unless Hiarm wants to keep the civilians in the vicinity and to the site. The project is going to take two years, thank God. At least we'll have that KING out of my home. He's not as welcome as he'd like to think. I just want him out of my hair so I can focus on getting this dying economy going. The people are getting restless." Van continued to walk with Devon, and turned off in a different direction at a split in the hall.

Devon watched the raven-haired youth walk with such a weight, looking twenty years older. He reminded the old council of King Gaou, responsible and in agony most of the time, taking care of his country. 'Everyone says our country is cursed, but I wonder,' Devon thought, 'When we always have such a strong line of rulers. Hopefully,' the old man prayed, 'The next heir in line will be like Van.'

The windows were opened wide, filling the Uchida house with a warm, salty breeze that Hitomi cherished. The daughter of the house was frantically rushing around, checking for any last-minute lapses in her memory that she might serve dearly for later. Although her green-eyed friend had reassured her that she had everything packed and it was all in order, Yukari simply stated that she did not, and was not assured at all. And so our young heroine sat, waiting for Yukari to end her rampaging of the house to finally come and help her load things into the car. The redhead soon did, and they were all packed away into Yukari's father's SUV within moments. The quite drive, followed by Hitomi's mother and father in their car, was like the beginning of a storm, it seemed. Hitomi's muscles were tense and her eyes were locked on a bag of things Yukari and Amano had given her.

It was a small gift; things the young couple would have no use for in their trip. Amano had reluctantly given up a cloak, which much resembled that of the Hobbits' (he was a big Lord of the Rings fan), but seemed like it would do her good on such a world as Gaea when inclement weather hit, not to mention keeping a low profile, as Hitomi would need. A box of candies and sweets, all lovingly prepared by Yukari's mother, enclosed in a beautiful tin and wrapped in brown paper, was shoved to the bottom of the bag, only to be opened in such emergencies that Hitomi would need cheering up. About a dozen different spices for Hitomi's cooking, newly bought, hair products, books on making one's own shampoo and conditioner, for Hitomi knew she would need the information, and a few other books that held special meaning to Yukari or Amano, put inside to be randomly picked and read for the simple excuse of boredom.

But Hitomi doubted that boredom would hardly be a burden on her when she finally did leave.

She curled a hand around her stomach, the other she clasped with Yukari's, who sat in between Hitomi and Amano in the car. Her friend gave her a thankful smile, and Hitomi knew how scared Yukari was. After all, she was making a choice that would later play a big role in what shape her life would turn out to be. Yukari's brow was furrowed, but the excitement in her was apparent, and she just wanted to get on the plane and leave Japan behind.

As always, the immense crowd at the airport suffocated the group. Hitomi found her parents, and they, along with Yukari's and Amano's friends and family, sent them off with hugs and goodbyes, certainly not permanent farewells.

"You'd better get going before the security lines get too long," Hitomi said as she and Amano hugged. Yukari opened her arms to receive her friend, and Hitomi fiercely embraced the redhead.

"Yeah, you're right," Amano said, watching the two, "Come on, Yukari."

"We'll see everyone during the holidays," Yukari said, waving to them all.

Amano gave one last glance at Hitomi, smiling to her gingerly, along with Yukari. Hitomi caught their eyes in the instant, looking back and forth between them. Time seemed to pause just for her as Hitomi keep the picture locked in her brain, but a bright flash brought her from her reverie.

Mrs. Kanzaki looked up from her digital camera, and gave one last wave to the young couple. Before they were out of sight in the crowd, Hitomi urged her family to leave, and the three separate families parted in their own ways.

As always, the immense crowd covered over the parting group's spot, and the last farewell drifted across the terminals, becoming lost in a great vast noise.

The room where Hitomi and Yukari had always connived and talked in now seemed empty, even though Hitomi was standing in the middle of it. The whole place seemed alien to her, and the Seeress didn't feel at home any more, even in her own room. The window was shut tight, locked with the blinds drawn down to block out the outside world. Her bed was made, and the room was without clutter. There were no clothes hanging off her desk chair, no posters stuck to the walls with sticky tack or tape. The shelves were almost near empty, and her CD collection was neat and ordered by name. Her closet was only occupied by non-useful clothing: those silk shirts her grandmother bought her that made her look like a piece of cake, the jeans with lace at the bottom, fancy buttoned shirts, cute (but unreasonable) skirts, shoes that left her with blisters and uncomfortable sandals.

There were three bags on her bed, each one smaller than the next. The largest one held her clothes: a simply knitted, blue pullover with a wooden button (which looked like something from Europe); a brown leather jacket, a traveling jacket she got from Marian, which used to belong to Van when he was younger. She was sure she wouldn't need the warm clothing until later into the year, but Hitomi wanted to be prepared. There was a pair of moccasin-type boots shoved into the side of the large hiking backpack, along with the strapped sandals that she had worn on her visits to Fanelia so often. They were her favorite, tying just under her knee. She wanted to wear them when she left, but instead would wear her boots, another hand- me-down, so she would not have to carry their weight. All of the shirts and dresses Marian had given her were packed inside with everything else, along with necessity clothing, and though it was a little heavy, Hitomi felt that it wouldn't be too much. A few of her books were packed away into the bag as well: thin books on healing plants and a few actually from Gaea that would be useful on her 'adventure'. Hitomi smiled sardonically when she thought of it that way.

She had her Bible, some cookbooks, the bag Yukari and Amano had given her, clothes, preserved food for emergencies, two Swiss army knives, a three- inch pocketknife, along with a sharpener, bamboo chopsticks, a few lighters, empty journals and pens, a battery-powered MP3 player her mom had given her so she wouldn't have to lug around CD's, though Hitomi doubted it would last very long, even though she carried many batteries at the bottom of the second bag. Toothbrushes and toiletries were carried in the last and smallest bag, because Gaea did have plumbing in most places, and Hitomi was concerned for her own hygiene, especially since she was VERY pregnant.

Yes, extremely, Hitomi thought, looking at herself in the mirror and frowning. She was huge! She felt so large and fat these days, Hitomi didn't know what to do with herself. Self-confidence was at an all-time low, and even though she was usually slender from track, Hitomi found that since she didn't go out much because of her pregnancy, she was becoming slightly bigger in all areas. Not fat, just larger. Hitomi made a face, furrowing her brows, and looked away at the mirror. She didn't want to see herself any longer.

I just need to leave, and soon, Hitomi thought, looking at her packed bags. Everything I live from is in there, I can't unpack. Without being able to hold back tears, Hitomi knew that she had to leave that night. If she just did this, just get over this small barrier, she could start her life, and get it in order. She could take her first step in a new direction, her first goal in life, not lost in a sea of decisions.

This was it. She was tired of waiting around. It was time to make a decision.

"This is stupid! This is stupider than your idea to get knocked up! I can't believe you'd do this, Hitomi! This is a very bad idea, an extremely bad idea! How could you do this to me, Hitomi? To your CHILD?" Mrs. Aya Kanzaki continued to yell through a slammed door, even though before it was apparent Hitomi was not paying attention to her mother. Instead, her head was down, her father's arm around her shoulders in an awkward comfort. They were outside in the Kanzaki backyard, listening to the empty night of croaking things and the echoed slam of the backdoor. The short patio ended in shadows, with a clear black sky above them, alit with tiny stars and a gibbous moon.

A soft sniffling broke the serene night, and Mr. Kanzaki shifted his arms around his daughter.

Hitomi's father knew that his daughter was on the verge of breaking down, but he didn't know what he could do to help her. Even though Hitomi figured he'd be the one to freak out, again, her parents surprised her.

Hitomi wiped her eyes, refusing to cry anymore. It didn't matter anymore; she had more important people, or person, rather, to think about.

"Hitomi, your mother is going through a very difficult time with this. You have to remember that this affects everyone, not just you." Mr. Kanzaki said, turning Hitomi so that his hands rested on her shoulders and she was facing him, even though she refused to make eye contact.

"I know dad, that's why I made this decision in the first place." Hitomi said, giving him a watery smile.

"I'm very proud of you," Mr. Kanzaki said after a moment had passed, smiling back at her comfortingly, "Mom knows it's the right thing to do, but it's not going to be easy for you and your body to go through birth. I think that's why Mom is freaking out. Hell, I wouldn't know, I've never birthed anything."

Hitomi laughed a little, and her dad smiled, satisfied that he could lighten the mood. "I know dad. And I will be fine," She said, emphasizing her words so that perhaps it would help convince him, "You two always seem to think Gaea is some medieval world, but it's not. It's technology and cultures have just evolved differently than ours. I've seen a war there, Dad; I know what Gaea's medical knowledge can do for people. And I want you to tell Mom what I'm telling you know, to reassure her. I know you guys wanted me to stay here, and I wanted to as well, at one point. But I don't know anyone that can help me here, or any future that I can make by myself. In Gaea, I know people. I helped very much with the war; no one is going to turn me down there. I have a family of friends there that love me as much as I love them. I have a stable future there, Dad. I've realized this, now you and Mom have to."

Mr. Kanzaki gathered his daughter up in his arms, holding her head to him and ducking his head next to hers. "You sound all grown up, now, Hitomi. It's just hard for us to accept it, that's all. Don't worry, I'll tell Mom. And I don't know if everything is going to be okay, but I'll be praying. You just take care of yourself, and my future grandson, okay?"

"Grandson? And just why do you think it's going to be a boy?"

"Well, I can just tell these things," he answered, pulling back and kissing her on the forehead.

"I'll be back for the holidays, Daddy," Hitomi said, smiling one last time up at her father. She looked up at the night sky, her eyes clouding over when she made out the shape of Gaea beyond the moon. They became a solid green, almost like the look on her face when she was absorbed in a vision. But this look was different, because even then she could see her father, staring up at her in wonder.

Hitomi's whole body had become numb in that instant that she was lifted off the ground in the white column. For a brief moment, she almost forgot where she was as she quietly wished to be on the planet where her child belonged. She gave a warm grin to her father below, and the last thing he saw was the outline of her form vanishing into the blackness that was the night with the column of white, pure light.

Mr. Kanzaki stood speechless for several minutes, kind of like getting whiplash, or the feeling of being pulled into an undertow. His mind cleared and he was back where he belonged, in his own mind, standing by himself and without his little girl beside him.

In his mind, Mr. Kanzaki saw a small Hitomi, all tiny and newborn, wrapped in a soft pink blanket and tucked away in a small nursery of a hospital room, his face pressed against the glass just so he could get a closer look at her. He saw her first steps in their old house, towards his open arms. His eyes welled up when he recalled a surge of emotions at her first try at baking-his birthday. Keiichi took out small files in his heart, and they automatically replayed like a video in his mind: soft smiles and repeats of singing laughter. Bright green irises looked straight through him, taking the piece of his heart that they owned.

Keiichi's own green eyes closed shut tightly, trying to clamp down on the incoming flood.

For the first time in years, Keiichi Kanzaki broke down and cried.

The joys of parents are secret: and so are their greifs and fears. -Francis Bacon

I am SO sorry this chapter took this long! I have no intention on letting that ever happen again. But, you can't very much blame me. I don't even have an editor, so it's no so easy sometimes. But that's really not the reason, it's because I had such terrible writer's block. That's not a problem anymore. I very much expect this story to start going off strong later. We still have many more chapters to go! Since this took so long, I'll be answering review questions and everything in the next chapter. I'd also like any ideas or input you guys might have- I always try to put twists in the stories I have, but many times it's hard to come up with them.

I'm sure this chapter was a big flop. It feels very dry to me right now. I want to write more emotion, more tear-jerking scenes. But I find that is exactly what I am lacking right now! Ugh . . . I wish there was a pokemon that had the power to rejuvenate writers. That's a pokemon I would choose.

Okay, so I guess you guys want me to shut up now, right? Yes? All-righty.

Les ailes des moulins protegent les amoureux,

Cev 


	11. The Message

Patience helps us all through.

AN: This is the chapter that should have come before chapter ten and such. Sorry, but I found this file buried underneath many others in my disagreeable laptop. Who knew? I'll fix the line up later when I go through and really edit. But for now, this is it.

Hah! It's already getting better!

Disclaimer: See chapter one

* * *

**Sing a Lullaby**

By Cev

Going Backwards: Chapter Nine point Five: The Message

* * *

She had imagined it in her mind hundreds of times, when she was alone with her thoughts and the small human growing inside her. How could such a miracle be blessed onto her? Was this miracle really a blessing, wrapped in so much heartache and sorrow? But she had to remember that change was the only thing constant, besides God's word. 

Imagining these days, though, trying to see them within herself was becoming an addiction, though, like alcohol or cigarettes.

Oh, maybe the child was a girl, with black hair like her dad's, and green eyes like her mother. Maybe she was smiling up at them, so very small and miniscule. How can such a small, tiny, almost insignificant thing become an all-encompassing world to two people? A world that changes people, makes them more than they are, helps their hearts grow, leaves markings were their feet walk, always making sure to leave fingerprints and footprints in their lives.

She had imagined it- not envisioned it- with Van sitting next to her with their baby, laughing together again, settling in at night, and putting him or her asleep with Van. Making his world a better place, making a new home, a new beginning. God, it meant so much to her.

But three people's happiness isn't worth the misery of thousands of people.

So however inviting that beautiful blue-roofed palace looked, Hitomi had to deny her first drive when she set foot on Gaea to take her first step towards it. Instead, she went in the opposite direction. The wrong direction for her heart to take, the pathway that would lead her far from what she wanted, turning her back on her heart.

It was a hard second step, but then the third was easier, and each one was taking less and less willpower, less and less mind control. Soon she was walking numbly, trying to drift away from her decision. But it would stick with her for too long.

* * *

"Lady Merle, is Lord Van not coming down for dinner?" 

The red-haired cat-woman looked up from her fish at Chef Brooke, and shook her head; "He's probably still working upstairs in his private quarters. You should probably send supper up to him."

"All right. Marian, would you-"

"Wait, Lyre," Merle interrupted him, getting up from her meal and taking the silver tray, "I'll take it up to him."

"Are you sure?" Marian asked, having now to look up at the tall lady.

"Of course," Merle replied, giving a weak smile, "Besides, I hardly see him half of the time, anyway. He's so busy with his 'Economizing' project that hardly anyone sees him."

With that said, Merle added some utensils to the tray and walked out of the spacious kitchens up the stairs.

"Merle seems very lonely these days," Marian said, leaning on one of the counters.

"The castle is never a happy place to be in since Lady Hitomi left," Lyre Brooke commented, handing out dishes with his helping chefs to serve the staff that lived at the castle.

"It will get better with time." Marian said assuredly, patting Lyre on the back. "I'm sure you miss her very much."

"She always was a little oddly interested in his cooking," Sara, a maid, commented.

The large man nodded, his facial features saddening. "I'm going to miss her very much. However, these kitchens aren't a place for a lady."

"Hitomi wasn't like anyone else," Sara said, remembering the lady's kindness, and strangeness, too, "I wish so much that she would have stayed. Now soon we'll be serving some royal brat."

"Sara, that's not very nice to say," Marian said, frowning. "This woman will be Fanelia's queen. When you serve her you must show the same courtesy and helpfulness as if she were Hitomi Kanzaki."

"But with Hitomi it was different! To many of us, we weren't her servants, we were her friends!" Sara replied, bending over her supper sulkily.

Many of the staff sitting around her voiced their agreement, and Marian sighed deeply. She looked to Lyre, but he shook his head and started to eat with them, as well. Marian couldn't argue with that.

Merle quietly entered Van's personal office, since she didn't see him in his room. She had set the tray down by his bed, hoping that he'd find it when he was hungry. Her pink-strawberry hair was mussed slightly by the wind, coming from the open window, as she looked down upon her old friend's sleeping face. She wasn't surprised by his abnormal deep sleep. He hardly got any rest lately.

Merle watched him for just a moment, then she sighed and was about to leave, but from her high view through Van's tall windows she saw, far in the distance, far past the village, dark clouds circling above the forest.

"What in the world . . .?" Merle thought, leaning out of the window, and smelling something strange in the air. Bright spots of light, almost like stars, gathered around the clouds, circling with them in a strange pattern. They gathered to the center, being sucked in like a drain. With a crack like the sound of deep thunder, the dots of light condensed to form a bright, pure white column, shooting down from the heavens and landing with a sharp, loud thud into the forest. Merle jumped back slightly at the sight and held her ears from the terrible noise, holding on to the wall as the sound and power from the crashing column rattled the palace.

"What in the hell was that?" Merle yelled, bracing herself and holding her chest.

Wait! Wasn't that the column that transferred Hitomi from her world?

Had Hitomi returned so soon?

It had been at least five months already, but Merle thought she was really gone for good that time before.

Was there something wrong?

A shuffling of papers and groggy groans let Merle know that Van was awakening, and from his eyes it almost looked like he was dreaming.

"Hitomi?" Van asked with a croaking voice.

"No, Van, it's me, Merle." Merle helped him from his chair and led him to his bed in his room, shutting his heavy office door behind them.

". . . I had a dream. Hitomi . . . Hitomi came back." Van sat at the end of his bed, covering his face with his hands

Merle leaned down next to him, her eyes filled with sorrow. She missed Hitomi, too, but probably not nearly a fraction of her pain could measure up to his loss. Van seemed so lost now, so different and changed. If you punched him he would not break, would not bleed. He'd just echo like a hollow shell of a being.

"It was just a dream," Merle said, unsure if she should say anything to him about the column while he was in this state, "Why don't you go back to sleep, Van? You need your rest."

Van leaned back and Merle covered him up, and then looked out of his window at the forest. She opened the glass window, thankful that she was wearing a dress that was tight fitting in her chest but flexible at the bottom. She uncurled her tail, stretching it out for a moment. Since she turned sixteen she usually curled it around her leg so it wouldn't get in the way. With it she shut the window, and climbed up the roof with grace one could only muster from being a cat-person.

Merle took a secret pathway that led her to scale the cliff edge that the capital was nestled in with ease, leading out to the forests. She didn't remember where the column landed, but the curious thing always left a smell- almost like that of burning wood. Merle pricked her ears for loud sounds other than that of the regular forest murmur. Her distinct sense of smell picked up the light ends of something burning, and Merle headed in that direction as fast and as stealthily as she could, dodging the bright light of the moons by taking to the shadowed pathways, under the gray-green night of the forest. She heard a loud crunching close to her right, and Merle almost cried out in fear, but she muffled the sound to an inaudible mew with her paws. Where she saw a low figure, sitting down in the grass below a large, the trees above had spread out as if welcoming the beam into the forest. The young cat narrowed her eyes to enhance her vision.

Merle gasped when she realized it was Hitomi. Five months certainly had changed her! Merle wanted to crawl out and reach her strange friend, but that thought was diminished when Merle looked at Hitomi's stomach. It was big and almost perfectly round. When Hitomi moved it didn't jiggle like fat- it simply went with her. Pregnant? Merle thought, amazed, Hitomi is PREGNANT?

How could this happen? Oh, this would explain a lot of things about Hitomi's actions on her last visit. Then again, Merle thought, it also made no sense at all! Why would she leave if she were pregnant with Van's child?

The solution that came to Merle's mind left the cat-woman devastated in her hiding place. The child was not Van's! The realization left her brain stunned.

How . . .

How could this have happened?

Merle was brought back when she heard a familiar sniffle, and then watched silently as Hitomi cried.

How could she do this? How could Hitomi do this to Van? Merle thought angrily, wanting to come out of the trees to smack Hitomi.

Oh, but she's back, she's come back to us, Merle thought. Against her usual violent reactions, she wanted to bring Hitomi into her arms and welcome her back. She didn't though, and sat there, trying not to make a sound lest she gave herself away.

No wonder she left, Merle thought, there was no way she could be with Van when she gave herself to some other man. And her world probably didn't accept her, seeing how Hitomi wasn't married. Maybe she came back to see if Van would take her. But he's already agreed to marry King Hiarm's daughter so the countries will be tied and his family can take control of Fanelia. Nevertheless, Van would help Hitomi. He loves her that much; Merle thought, this is going to hurt him so much.

Anger set back into Merle's mind. But to continue on like that as if everything was okay! And to come here, and then leave Van like that! How could she? How could the Hitomi I know do that to Lord Van? With now her own set of tears, Merle backed away from the bushes quietly, and ran from Hitomi, not caring if the girl from the Mystic Moon saw her or not.

Merle's wild imagination ran with her.

But Hitomi did see her, and when she realized who it was, the girl cried out, "Merle!"

Merle stopped in her tracks, turning with tears to look at the girl.

"Merle, is that you? How did you find me? Did you see the column of light?"

"Yes, I did." Merle said, turning around so that the moons lighted her face.

Hitomi awkwardly walked towards Merle, embarrassed, but still opened her arms and hugged her friend. Merle did not respond, except for a light, strange pat on the back.

"Merle, what's wrong? Aren't you glad to see me?" Hitomi asked, scanning Merle's face as she held her at arm's length. Merle's expression was uncharacteristically grave. When she did not murmur even a word for too long of a moment, Hitomi tried to break her silence, "Did Van see the light column? Does he know that I'm here?"

"No," Merle glared at Hitomi warily, "He's sleeping. He's been working very hard lately. Especially since his fiancé is coming to Fanelia within a couple of days."

"Oh. . ." Hitomi looked down to a patch of grass that suddenly became more interesting. Her brow furrowed together, and she looked back up at Merle, "Why are you just standing there, Merle?" She asked, frustrated.

"How could you, Hitomi? And leaving like that, too," Merle was looking down at Hitomi's protruding middle.

Hitomi, by habit, hugged her arms around her stomach protectively, "So . . . you know?"

"Yes."

"How did you find out?"

"I could tell from your behavior, piecing things together. How could you leave without telling Van?" Merle shouted.

"I didn't want to hurt him! Besides, he has to marry that girl from that country! I couldn't stay here knowing that and all of what Hiarmaz plans to do! It's better for everyone that I left!"

"So why are you coming back to Fanelia? Why are you here? To beg Van to take you back?" Merle asked accusingly, her tail frizzing up like it used to when she was younger, during the war. It was a strange thing to see on this now elder cat-girl.

Hitomi glowered at Merle. She didn't like to be put on the spot so begrudgingly, especially when Merle was her friend, however loyal the girl was to Van. "No!" She said defensively. "I can't make a life with this . . .this CHILD on earth! I came back to Gaea because there are people here that can help me, people besides Van and you!"

Merle crossed her arms stubbornly, "Then what? What are you going to do? Where are you going to go? You can't tell Van! If he finds out that you're here-"

"Well, he won't, will he? This is my problem, not his. Merle, please, you can't tell Van that I'm here. You must not tell him!"

"And why not?" The younger girl asked, putting her hands on her hips.

"Look, he won't want to see me after he finds out what I didn't tell him when he has the right to know. I love Van very much," Hitomi paused, looking in Merle's eyes fiercely, imprinting her severity in this issue, "And I . . . I always will. But Merle, I don't want to hurt him any more than I already have."

Merle was silent for a moment, and when she spoke again her voice was softer, "Where are you going now?" she asked again.

"I have to go to see Millerna. She can help me deliver the baby. I have a farmer friend that lives close by here that can help me get to Asturia." Hitomi looked at Merle with scared eyes, a serious, old face that didn't befit Hitomi's character. She took Merle's paws and held them together, almost in a begging way, "I need you to send a letter to Millerna, tell her that I'm coming alone, why I'm coming to her, and that this is a matter of utmost secrecy. Please, Merle, I know you're mad at me for doing this, but could you please do this for me?"

"I don't know, Hitomi . . ." Merle said, looking away from her friend.

"Merle! I'm going to be having a baby any day now! I could die!" Hitomi pleaded.

"Okay, okay. You just keep a low profile, okay? Who knows what could happen if someone found you? Where's this farm?"

"The Jadwyk farm. It's close."

"Okay, I know the lady of the house there. You get to Palas as soon as possible. Just stay away from crowded areas. I'll send the letter tomorrow, that way you can leave in the morning. Okay?"

"Okay. Thank you so much, Merle." Hitomi hugged her tightly. This time Merle hugged her back, and Hitomi smiled graciously.

The cat-girl took Hitomi as far as she could, carrying two of Hitomi's bags, and late into the night they arrived at the gates to the Jadwyk family farm. Hitomi waved one last good-bye to her friend, and Merle left her when the door to the house opened. The trees were dark and not so inviting alone, but Merle ran all the way back to the blue-roofed Fanelian palace, not bothering to take the cliff passage.

* * *

"Here, honey." Mrs. Jadwyk sat down with Hitomi, giving her a cup of hot cider after the young girl had set her bags down in the same room she had slept in the last time she was with the welcoming family. Mrs. Jadwyk was a stout woman, all round and warm, reminding Hitomi somewhat of the royal cook, Lyre Brooke. 

"Thank you so much. I'm really sorry for waking you all up in the middle of the night," Hitomi said, warming her hands on the smooth wooden mug.

"Oh, Hitomi, don't worry about it. We're here if you need anything," Erin Jadwyk said, patting her on her shoulder.

"You've . . . gained weight since we last saw you," Alice Jadwyk said, her words holding meaning. Erin looked at his wife with a stern gaze, but she stared right back at him. She wanted an explanation!

"Yes," Hitomi said, "But even though I really want to tell you two everything, I can't. I'm sorry, because I've come to you because I need something from you. And I'm so sorry."

"No, no," Mrs. Jadwyk said, hugging her, "It's all right, dear. We'll give you anything we have."

"Hmm . . . how about your children?" Hitomi asked, smiling.

Alice was slightly taken aback, "Umm. . ."

"I'm just kidding, Alice," Hitomi said, chuckling.

Alice smiled. She should have known.

"What is it that you need, Hitomi?" Mr. Jadwyk asked, "Why are you here?"

"I need to get to Asturia. There's a . . . well, a doctor there that will be able to help me. You two are the only ones outside of the castle that I know well enough to ask for a favor like this. And I knew that I could trust you both. Plus, I wanted to see you both again and thank you for being so hospitable last time. I brought something for Maggie and the girls. I'm sorry I didn't bring you two a gift, but I think you'll like this, too, Alice." Hitomi brought out a brand new raggedy Ann doll, a sock monkey, and a stuffed rabbit from her larger bag.

Alice took them with a bright smile and teary eyes. "Oh, Hitomi, thank you so much. You know they'd just be so glad to see you. They really miss their favorite playmate." Alice said happily.

"I know, I miss them, too. But they can't know I'm here. In fact, no one can know that I'm here, Erin, Alice."

"Are you in trouble?" Erin asked worriedly, sitting down next to Hitomi.

"No, I'm not in any trouble. But I fear many harmful things could come upon Fanelia if I were to stay here and allow King Van to know that I'm here. You two cannot tell anyone, please!"

"Of course," Alice said, clutching the gifts. Alice looked at Hitomi sadly, "Then I guess we probably won't ever see you again after tonight, will we?"

Hitomi smiled at Alice Jadwyk assuredly, placing her hand over the woman's large, work-worn one, "Of course not, Alice. There will be a time in the next few years that I will be able to come here without harming anything. It will just take time."

"Hitomi, we don't have much, but I do have an old cart and horse that you can use to get to Asturia. I'd go with you, but I hardly ever leave the farm. So I might be a hindrance to your secrecy," Erin said, leaning over the table, the lines in his face deepening with his expression, "We can fill the cart with some hay and cargo and give you a straw hat. My son usually comes back and forth through towns to do some bartering. He's gone now; he went to a small town right outside the Hiarmaz border. It's normal to see carts on their way to Palas from here."

"Thank you so much," Hitomi said. Her expression showed her sincerity. "When can I leave?"

"Tomorrow, late morning being the soonest. When do you want to leave?"

"Tomorrow will be fine. I'll try to send someone back with the cart when I get to Palas."

"Don't worry about that," Alice said, "Why don't you get some rest for now, Hitomi? And we'll talk more in the morning."

Hitomi nodded, and left her mug on the dinning table. She climbed into the bed beside the fireplace, facing away from the room. Alice covered her up while Erin checked on their daughters.

"What do you make of it all?" Alice asked her husband as they made their way back to bed.

"I have no idea, but I know Lady Hitomi is not a rash person. I'm certain she will be fine."

"On her own? All they way to Palas alone?" Alice asked.

Erin put an arm around his wife as they settled to sleep, "Hitomi's a strong girl, and she'll be fine."

"I hope you're right."

Hitomi's eyes, though half-closed, could still make out the shadows Erin and Alice made against the wooden walls. She half-listened to their comments, but before long, she fell asleep. Because tomorrow would be the beginning of a new life.

* * *

_Dear Queen Millerna,_

_This letter is of the utmost secrecy._

_I am sending you a problem; it will be a bittersweet one. Hitomi is pregnant. Van mustn't ever know of this, however much it is his right to know. Him knowing would make matters worse at this point. Keep her in Asturia, keep her safe, and away from the public eye._

_You'll have to help her; she doesn't know what to do. Frankly, I don't either. She is on her way now to Palas. Get her through her pregnancy. You know what to do- teach her. From the point after she has her baby, we don't have a plan. But for now, we just have to keep this tight-lipped. I will be in Asturia before Hitomi is dew, in two months or less._

_Send Dryden my love, and also the twins._

_Merle de Fanel

* * *

_

So...again, sorry about my irresponsible writer self

**_Cev_**


	12. Abused Traveler

Well, it certainly has been a very long time, hasn't it, my dear, dear readers? I'm so very sorry I've taken this long for such an insignificant chapter. (Well, maybe not so insignificant) But I do feel I've shorted all of you, abused you, and left you and the story out to freeze in the rain and sleet and snow. I'm so terribly sorry. I hope I can come over it and just force myself to finish, even if it kills me. It's not so hard after I get going, but writing has become a challenge of late. I wish I could send this out to all of my old readers like this newsletter, but it's been so long I don't even remember who wanted to be on it, and since then my e-mail address has changes to The other account from hotmail was lost due to inactivity. Big surprise, huh?

Anyways, I do hope you all will forgive me for being so disappointing when it comes to updating. I hope my writing ability doesn't fall short of its expectations it holds, but as always, I do fear for the worst in criticism. That, though, can be a very good thing. So, here we are again, after way too long. Can anyone remember how long? I leave it to you to leave your comments and suggestions, flames and recommendations (hey, getting that rhyming thing going).

P.S. I made some adjustments since I put this up. Sorry if some of you are slightly confused if you've already reviewed and then see that I've updated... Just minor mistakes- like the color of Raoul's hair, and some other editing things. Nothing major. Anyway...thank you to all who have reviewed already! It haslifted my spirits and has kept me at writing chapter 11! I can't wait til I can update again! Thanks again, everyone!

**Sing a Lullaby**

By Cev

Chapter 10: Abused Traveler

It had been raining quite frequently, and the sitting water alongside the road that stretched from the Fanelia to Asturia helped the increasing insect count. Not to mention the mosquito count, as well.

And this afternoon, there was perfectly delicious prey for one hungry mosquito, watching two particular hosts to feed from in a dark carriage, the windows open wide for air circulation. Flying up, the starving insect went straight for the nearest piece of flesh, choosing a pale arm lying across the sleeping beauty.

"OW!" And the poor bug met its end with a smack of her hand.

"Damn these stupid woods! I want to be back home, in the city, with my friends and with my room!" The girl said, sitting up and wiping the dead thing from her hand on the window.

"Don't curse, Shandra." An older woman said, sitting across from the girl.

"Why not? I might as well get all of it out now, mother, since I'm never able to in the presence of anyone else." Shandra huffed, blowing her wavy, dark brown hair from her face.

"Oh, you silly girl. It's not going to be as terrible as you think. I hear King Van's very handsome."

Shandra looked out her window, biting on one of her fingernails, "Yes, I saw him last year at the Asturian festival. He is very easy on the eyes. I'm just glad Papa isn't marrying me off to some crusty old noble. My brother is so lucky."

Queen Arika watched her daughter's beautiful face turn over in mixed emotions. The girl was extremely gorgeous, and had matured more quickly than most teenagers. She had exotic facial features, inherited from her grandmother, and a slender, sleek body, and filled out from her last, and most likely final, growth spurt. She takes after me, Arika thought with pride, her brown eyes turning away momentarily when the cart stopped short.

"What's going on, driver?" The woman asked impatiently, sticking her head out the window.

"This peasant woman won't move out of the way, ma'am." The driver said with exasperation, getting down from his place.

"Stupid townspeople," Shandra said as her mother re-seated herself while the driver yelled at the woman, "Don't they know who we are?"

"Don't fret, darling," her mother said, "The woman probably is so ignorant she doesn't know how to recognize our procession. Country folk are like that."

"I heard that," a voice came from the other side of the carriage. A pair of angry green eyes glared at the women inside.

"Look at that short hair. I thought the driver said you were a woman. To me you look like a boy." Shandra said haughtily, glaring back at the tall, honey-haired peasant.

"I am a woman," She said, her nose turned up in defiance, "But you seem like nothing more than a spoiled little girl."

"How dare you!" Queen Arika shrieked, pulling her face to the window, "Do you even know to whom you are so rudely talking, you insolent peasant!"

A guard hauled the green-eyed woman by her shirt from the carriage window, "I told you to pass us quietly." He said firmly, "And I meant it. Now get moving before you get yourself into trouble."

"What? That was treason! Penalty for treason is death, now make it so!" Shandra yelled out the window, appalled that the guard let her go.

"This is not our country, Princess Shandra," the guard said, "We cannot indict anyone of such a crime. Fanelia does not have such laws as Hiarmaz."

"When I'm queen, that'll be the first thing to change," Shandra muttered under her breath.

But Hitomi still heard her voice, and stopped pulling her horse as their royal guards and carriage continued on their way. She looked back, realization hitting her as tears gathered and spilled. She angrily gripped the horse and mounted the wagon, continuing on her way, as well.

"My God, driver, what is it now?" They had stopped a second time, but had pulled off to the side.

"Oh, nothin', yer majesty, we're just givin' the horses some rest, aye, we are. We'll be on our way soon." They driver climbed down, and the soldiers surrounded the carriage, looking suspiciously into the brightness of the beautiful day. Shandra rolled her eyes and opened the carriage door.

"Shandra! Get back in here!" The Queen ordered.

"Oh, calm down, Mother. I'm just going to get some fresh air."

The Queen huffed and folded her arms, "spoiled girl never listens to a word I say…"

Shandra peered around the forest, looking down the road that seemed to go forever into the trees. From off in the distance, she saw a fast-moving reddish horse.

"Look, what's that?" She asked a nearby soldier.

"Looks like someone on horseback, Princess, obviously in a hurry."

"I know that, but is it a commoner?"

"I cannot tell from this distance, Princess."

"Stop him, or her, whoever it is. I want to know why there are so hurried."

"But Princess, they are in a hurry for a reason."

"Just stop him, soldier. If there's something we should know that corresponds with his need to be so rushed, then it would be a good thing to do."

"But Princess-"

"Shut up! Just do it!"

As the horseman neared, three of the Queen's soldier on horseback blocked the road. As the lone boy neared, eyes wide, he was force to come to an abrupt stop.

"Why the hurry?"

"I am to deliver a letter to the Asturian Queen." It was a young boy.

'Easy to dupe,' the Princess thought.

"Do you have the letter?" The Princess asked, interrupted her soldier.

"Yes, but it is of private business, my lady. I apologize, but I really must be on my way-"

But he cut himself off in surprise when one of the soldiers ripped out his pack and snatched out a sand-colored envelope, sealed with green and red wax.

Shandra examined the outside carefully, "I wonder what's of such urgent business?" She looked over at her mother, "I know of father's shady diplomatic relations," She said with a smirk, "But that doesn't mean my fiancé isn't capable of shady business as well. I think it would be wise to see what's going on in King Fanel's life, hmm, mother?"

"Give me the letter, Shandra." The Queen said, and Shandra handed over the letter.

Arika's eyebrows rose more and more at every line, and her brow furrowed in tension. A few minutes passed, and she handed the letter to her daughter.

Shandra frowned deeply as her eyes scanned the letter, and handed it back to her mother, "Only the Fanelian King uses green wax to seal his letters, but this letter is not from the King. Such a secretive matter. Mother, who is this Lady Merle?"

"I'm not sure, Shandra, but I don't like the sound of this letter. Hitomi Kanzaki is a name I find most familiar, though, the woman mentioned that is . . . with child?"

"The Seeress!" A soldier behind them said out loud, brightly smiling and nudging one of his friends, "The savior of Gaea!"

"What did you say?" the princess asked.

"Well . . . Hitomi Kanzaki, she's our, well, Gaea's, savior, the one that saved us from Zaibach and Emperor Dornkirk." The soldier looked harassed, wondering if he should not have mentioned it.

"I remember now!" Shandra said excitedly, "The witch from the Mystic Moon that traveled with King Van."

"She's not a witch!" the messenger boy shouted, held back by the soldier who knew about Hitomi.

"Shut up, boy," Shandra said flippantly, "Everyone in Gaea knows, mother. No wonder it's such a secretive matter! It must be Van's child."

The Queen thought quietly to herself, looking up in the direction of the road towards Fanelia, and then back towards their own country. She looked up at the soldiers, "This incident never happened. Make sure the boy stays silent." She ordered, and then dragged Shandra back into the carriage.

"But what about the letter, your grace?"

"Burn it."

Shandra looked back at her mother questioningly, "What are you thinking?"

"I don't think King Van knows about this woman's pregnancy. They probably sent the girl off before he could know, because of the arrangements made by your father for you marriage."

"There don't have to be any arrangements . . ."

"Don't even start, Shandra, there's nothing you can do to change that, only make it easier on yourself by being willing. You must not mention anything. I think it would just stir up a lot of unwanted drama. Plus, I don't want to see what your father would do."

Shandra's eyes glinted at those words, but her mother wasn't looking at her. She was watching the trees pass outside, and then closing the curtains and windows of the carriage as a cool breeze blew through.

"I am curious as to who this Lady Merle is, and how she seems so close to the King. We should take precautions to tread lightly on this thin ice, daughter."

Shandra simply nodded her head in a half-listening expression, staring off in the distance, way off into her own thoughts and daydreams.

Hitomi pulled her cloak tight over her face to protect from the chilling night air. Not far ahead she could see the lights of a small village, and was relieved to see the rural town. The horse, Naji, was tired, and Hitomi was painfully hungry. Her free arm was wrapped protectively around her stomach, and she felt an intense need to pee. Ever since the pregnancy she went far more often than she ever thought was possible. Being pregnant had changed everything. Her body, her health, her physique. Her life. Hitomi took in a sharp breath when she felt a kick. It didn't hurt, but it was always a surprise. She was, after all, in her third trimester of the pregnancy, the time when he baby's muscles started to develop. It was an interesting feeling-but right now Hitomi's hormones were out of whack, and she felt somehow extremely relaxed and optimistic. However, tomorrow morning, though morning sickness had long since passed, she knew her mood could change drastically. It was, at most, a tiring experience.

Hitomi wasn't sure if she was ready to give birth yet, if she would be a good mother. She was growing so large, so soon, she wanted it over with, but was frantic on what would come afterwards. She'd never had a child before- babysitting was okay, but birthing and taking care of one's own? That was slightly different.

The darkness of the road gave way to a city gate, where torches alit the wooden walls. Hitomi entered without being questioned by guards above the gates, and she thankfully sighted an inn, flanked by a stable and outfitting store.

"May I be of service to ye, ma'am?" A tall, bulky, red-haired woman asked the minute Hitomi walked in. It took a while for Hitomi to come to her senses; the place was rowdy and full of strange people, mostly men.

"I'm here to room for the night."

The redhead looked down over her nose at short Hitomi, scrutinizing her appearance. "Includin' food, it'll be 4 silver coins a night. You got any pack animals?"

"Yes, he is already in the stable with a cart. I'm only staying for one night."

"That'll be 3 more coins," The busty woman said, pulling out a book behind a desk that was propped up against a teetering staircase that led into a shadowed hallway.

Hitomi tugged with her unstable fingers to untie a small purse from her belt. She looked up hopefully and handed it to the woman.

Dark red eyebrows rose up at the young girl questionably. For such a lonely traveler, she certainly did trust people easily. "You have enough for room and board, and then some." The woman took what she needed, "But I wouldn't be so trustworthy of other people with your purse, Ms. . . ?"

Hitomi paused, her face turning pink. "Yes, of course."

"Your name, so I can give you your room?"

"My name?"

"Yes . . . what you call yourself?"

"Uh . . . .well, I . . . ."

"I need a name."

"Hitomi………Hitomi Kouska." She lied. Well, half-lied. Kouska was her mother's maiden name. Hitomi didn't want to set off warning signs by using her real name. Besides, she was already working out a plan in her head to explain the baby.

"Hitomi Kouska?"

"Umm. . . .yes. That's my name." Hitomi turned bright red.

The redhead smiled warmly now, her eyes softening. Strange name, but nice girl. She sighed and closed her book; "I'll take you to your room. Come with me. Raoul! Take care of the bar!" She shouted over the noise of the bar-inhabitants.

A dark brown-haired man appeared from behind the bar and saluted her smilingly. "Yes, Mara!"

Hitomi smiled at him when he nodded to her with cheerfulness in his brown eyes.

Mara, the red-haired woman who obviously managed the inn, led Hitomi up cramped staircases to the second floor, opening a small room for her that looked out over the town to the east, over the stable, pointing in the direction of the Fanelian capital. This, of course, was the first thing Hitomi noticed.

"Would you like to eat downstairs or up here?" Mara asked.

"umm. . ."

"You probably want to eat away from those men," Mara said, giving Hitomi a sheepish face.

"You're probably right. I need something hearty. . .and abundant."

"Don't worry. I'll get it up here as soon a I can."

"Thank you, madam."

Mara shook her head and grinned, still bemused with the polite peasant girl.

Hitomi set her bags on the windowsill, then left the room locked behind her, searching for the bathrooms. She made a mental note of her room's location, then set out in the three-story building, careful to avoid the main floor.

She was about to head back down to the third floor, having found and relieved herself, when two men staggered up the stairs just as she was about to go down, laughing as they stumbled up, their steps slippery and ill-placed.

The large man being helped up locked his yellow eyes on the foreign-looking blonde, who was odd in her large, loose, pink tunic and fitted pants made from an odd-looking material. Her hair was short for a woman, but her eyes were a rare and beautiful shade of green. If she wasn't pregnant, he might consider her. The other, slightly thinner, man holding his leering friend up wasn't abashed by her size.

"Oh, a pretty girl stumbled in our way. Rather fat, though. Still, any girl serves the same purpose," He smiled suggestively, pulling his friend up the last step, almost dropping him.

Hitomi was enraged, but didn't show it. She knew that before she reached Asturia, she would be considered hardly above a slave, being a woman. She closed her eyes for a moment, releasing a sigh. Trying to avoid eye contact, she shoved past them to start down the flight. "How dare he talk to me that way!" She mumbled to herself in passing them, holding her breath from the smell, "Overgrown louse."

But he had heard, and dropped his drunken friend in surprise, then stormed over to her in anger. "You back-talking wench," he seethed, reaching out and clamping on to her elbow, "I'll teach you a lesson in manners!"

"Excuse me, fine sir," A voice called out behind him. It was the man from when Hitomi had just checked in. His name was Raoul. The handsome man stepped his way through the drunkard's grip, forcing him to release her. Raoul took Hitomi by the shoulders and led her down, "You'll have to forgive my sister," he smiled innocently up at the other man, "she's pregnant, you see, and you know how women can get then. Off to bed with you, silly girl," He said, tipping good-bye to the man who stood without an answer at the top of the steps, mouth wide and brain trying too hard to think in his inebriated stage. A groan from the fat man lying in the hallway sent him back to his labor of getting the huge man back on his feet.

Hitomi was blushing and a little indignant; surprised that anyone would do such a thing. "Thank you very much," She said, looking up at him, "Very much."

Though his brown, almost black hair got in the way of his eyes, she could see the kindness in them as he smiled back, "Anything for a lady in trouble. Especially a pretty one such as yourself."

Hitomi laughed sardonically, "I'm not pretty, I'm huge."

"Women always are their prettiest when pregnant."

"Why, is your wife pregnant?" Hitomi asked.

Raoul laughed, leading Hitomi to her room, "No, I'm not married, not even engaged, nor even with a chance of! My sister, my real sister," His eyes twinkled when he smiled at her, "Was pregnant not too long ago. However, she is in Asturia now, and I haven't seen her since."

". . . .Oh." Was all Hitomi said.

"Um, I brought you a tray of food, but you weren't in your room, so I put it back in the kitchens. I was wondering where you were. Good thing I found you. Now stay in your room. If you need to go somewhere, just holler and I'll help you. I don't mean to be all protective or anything," Raoul blushed slightly, "It's just, well, you know, this is a bar, and drunken men do stupid things."

"It won't be like this in the morning, will, it?"

Raoul was surprised, "Well . . .haven't you traveled before?"

"Not by myself," Hitomi said with a hint of melancholy, Van's face appearing in her mind when they camped out under the stars or traveled to Palas together, just the two of them.

Raoul noticed the change, "Oh . . . well, um, no, it's much quieter in the morning, and everyone's so hung over that usually the inn doesn't get going until early afternoon."

"So, no breakfast?" Hitomi asked, disappointed.

"Oh, there is, for normal, non hung-over travelers like yourself." He said, smiling softly.

Hitomi blushed, immediately thinking of Van, and the same look he had given her before. But this man looked nothing like Van, except maybe the hair. But now, Van's hair was much more manageable, because he actually washed it regularly and had to come it. The availability of plumbing near to him all the time now that the Fanel Castle was finished made that possible. Hitomi smiled, remembering how much she loved to play with his hair, despite his annoyance. Though secretly, she knew he loved the way her fingers felt on his head. He would sometimes nap with his head in her lap, while she combed her fingers through his hair. The memory shot her with a small pang of pain, and she looked down, away from Raoul's kind brown eyes.

"I'll go get your food," he said, still smiling despite her sad mood.

Hitomi locked her door behind her, and sat down in a chair in the corner, facing towards the window, so she could see the Aozarii Mountains in the east. When Raoul came back, he stayed for a while as she ate 'enthusiastically', as he called it, and went back downstairs. She spent the rest of the night under the covers, reading a Fanelian plant medicine book, until her eyes finally closed, and her candle melted itself gone.

Tomorrow, tomorrow. Tomorrow is when my life begins, she thought, and sang to herself quietly, a foreign lullaby.

_Sing a lullaby_

_Sing it soft and only sigh,_

_When your only love says good-bye_

_Sing a lullaby ._ . .

Ah! What is done is done, and cannot be undone. So, thoughts/anger/words of wisdom/puzzlements/or anything else, can be out of your fingers and into my spectrum of reading, and if not, please e-mail me with the address given above, or by going to my main web page. It has been changed on my account here on as well.

Cheerio, ya'll, and take care!


	13. An No 2 point 5

_**To my readers:**_

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**Author's Note**

**AN No. 2.5:**

Okay, I updated, but not in the way I think ya'll wanted. go back, read the chapter labeled "The Message", it's what happens to Hitomi when she first sets foot back on Gaea after leaving Van. Okay? Chapter twelve should be up soon, I want to make sure everyone understand what's going on. I'm so terribly sorry for this mix-up. But I had written so much when I was writing chapters nine and ten that I had two chapters to upload at once. Because of this, somehow chaper Nine evaded me and has been dormant ever since. I just hadn't realized it until now. I thought that I had decided not to keep that part of the story, but since my memory of it was so hazy, when I went back to read it, I realized Wait a minute, there are some KEY things here that deal with chapter ten! And, just recently, I went back through my own numbering of chapters that have been updated, and I realized Chapter Nine was missing!

Well, the case of the missing chapter is now solved. Now go read "The Message", no. 11.

_**Cev**_

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	14. History Book

Hello all you readers! I'm here with the REAL update this time! I hope all of you read 'The Message', like I told you to! Anyway, I know you've all been waiting for this for a while, so here it is! I'm so sorry for the delay. But when senior year comes along and you're trying to figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life, it's hard to squeeze time in for the little things. Don't worry. Nothing is left forgotten buyme. Unless I hate it. But I don't hate my stories, so it's okay.

Disclaimer: See Chp 1.

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**Sing a Lullaby**

By Cev

Chapter Twelve: History Book

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_Staining…_

_A clouded twilight shaded the colorful tones of the small village in grays and blues. She stood on top of the roof, looking down, trying to find a person, anyone, _anybody_ that would help her. Hitomi groped to the steep side of the roof, trying to find stable ground. But the tiles on top of the inn were slipping from her grasp, falling underneath her and crashing to the dirt ground, shattering like broken bones. A scream of aggravation bubbled in the back of Hitomi's throat like phlegm she wanted to spit out, but it was stuck there to the sides of her throat, and her mouth and body closed up._

_The clouds drifted into her eyes, she couldn't see anything anymore. _

_A slip. _

_Her foot twisted by another sliding tile, and she fell onto her pregnant stomach with a scream that did not come from her lips; Hitomi cried out desperately, but everything was muted. Her tears of panic made her vision worse as she clung to the side of the roof; not able to see the ground or the road anymore that was so far away._

_And suddenly she was not the woman clinging to the roof, but a woman running up the pathway towards the inn, her body seven months smaller, not pregnant. Her movements were not her own, yet she felt every breath, every haggard sound wave. It was as if she was caught in a shell of a body with no control, just witnessing as the scene played with her own limbs, her own body!_

_"Van!" She shouted, but no one heard his name, no sound came. No volume. Van, in all of his roguish regality, stood worn and dirty, looking up in hopeless distress at the figure that now hung so precariously at the roof gutter. His body itched to fly, longingly looking up with apprehension._

_**"WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?" **_

_No volume._

_Van dove late, as the figure's strength couldn't hold, the body so tired, so sleepy, fell. Van clutched a hand, but that was all he got to as the rest fell apart. A blur, masses that had no definition, Hitomi couldn't see past her tears, it dropped, dropped like a china doll and shattered like the shingles._

_Hitomi cried out in pain, her eyes clouding over in blood._

_Van looked down at her. Her position in the dream had returned to the now dead thing that had slipped on the roof, so small and undefined. His tears left salty patterns to wash away the deep red her body gushed forth, rivers of pale skin among a bloodstained face. He pressed her head to his chest, a deep cry rumbling through his ribs. He cried out- sobbed- Hitomi had never seen Van cry like this. Never so desolate._

_Hitomi could see nothing with her dead eyes, glazed over and now small. It felt like the end of a movie, the end of a show. That's it. That's over. The audience is alone, cold, forgotten. The actors move on without them into a shadow of curtain._

_Van's voice cracked and his vocal chords horribly jumped octaves in cries of anguish as a crowd of soldiers around him looked on, daring not to move, not to let him know they witnessed his loss and loneliness._

_The dead blood in her mouth gurgled sickeningly. She felt like throwing up._

Hitomi's eyes went wide as she sat up in bed, covering her mouth and pulling the nearest round-shaped thing to her side. Last night's dinner shined up disgustingly to her as she hacked away, her mouth nasty and covered, hair nappy and strangled by sweat. The girl put the bowel back on the bedside table, and stumbled to her feet, haphazardly making it to the washbasin. She poured the water and splashed her face, wiping it with foul disgust in brisk, jagged movements, like someone who had lost their sanity, itching at her skin like ghouls had pricked her.

She looked in the mirror and blinked a few times. Her vision was fine. She tried to calm herself down, taking large gulps of air, leaning over on the simple inn-room table. Her long shirt she wore to sleep in was freezing- it was soaked with sweat and smelled rather nasty. _Probably from puking_, Hitomi thought, scrunching up her face.

She was in her third trimester. She shouldn't be getting any type of sickness at all.

If she didn't have her health she wouldn't have much. The last thing Hitomi needed was to have "problems" with her body. She hated to call it an inconvenience, but this whole pregnancy was certainly becoming more and more just that! She sighed, aggravated and worried, deciding not to think about it until she reached Millerna and Dryden.

They didn't have personal bathrooms here in the inns like they did on earth. She really stunk, but didn't want to leave her room. Hitomi picked up the hem of her shirt with a tinge of revulsion. She really needed a shower or bath or…_something_!

She had no choice. Inns were something she really had to appreciate right now, because she would be camping out for the rest of the time it took her to get to Palas, about three days, probably getting there in the morning of the last day. She wouldn't be able to afford much after this morning except basic food supplies. She was glad that she brought knives, utensils, and a hatchet. Those kinds of things were expensive in Gaea, which didn't know the meaning of mass-production of such tools.

_Only mass-production of war machines_, she thought cynically.

Hitomi settled her heart; **the dream was so strange**. She remembered it vividly like a vision, but dreams were dreams, not visions. Though everything in the dream was foreboding like a vision, it was too scenario-like, too definite to be a vision. Visions worked in symbols mostly, like blood rain or pits of darkness. Though it was a strange dream, it had to be just a dream, right? Nothing had ever come to her like this before.

I have other things I need to worry about right now, she thought, reluctant to start the day. It would be at least another two nights before she stepped foot on the Palas stone roads. Hitomi grabbed an oversized red tunic she had recently made. It wasn't the best made piece of clothing, but it was a lightweight material known to Fanelia only, used from the bolt Marian had given her, and a colorful tribal trim covered any messy stitching. Sliding on worn leather sandals and grabbing some clean underclothes and tan riding pants, much like Van's old ones only cut off at the knee, Hitomi locked the door behind her and went up a thin flight of stairs to the women's bathroom.

To her great dismay, there was a line.

_A very long one._

Hitomi stood on the receiving landing, looking in hopes of it not being a long wait, but there were too many women crowding around the door for her to actually see inside. More of a damper on her morning.

"Hitomi!" A voice she recognized as Raoul's called behind her.

Some of the women looked behind them to see what all the fuss was.

"Raoul." Hitomi acknowledged him with a high voice, surprised he was up here at this time of the day. A few women eyed him suspiciously.

"Silly sister!" He said dramatically, waving his arms about, and hugging her in greeting, a wide grin plastered on his face disarmingly.

Hitomi blushed. Just what does he think he's doing?

"Wow! You really stink!" He said, pinching his nose and breaking his act. Hitomi glared at him, but he only smiled widely and waved to some of the other…_menacing_…women behind Hitomi. He placed his hands on her shoulders in a brotherly air, "Come, now, we live _downstairs_ behind the inn!" He shook his head, "You really aren't faring well with this whole pregnancy thing. Ah, my little sister…" And with that he took her shoulders and turned her towards the staircase. Looking back, he mouthed the words, "She's crazy" to the waiting women of the line and made a degrading movement with his right hand that had something of a circular motion around his ear.

Hitomi glowered a bit and didn't speak until they were on the landing on the second floor, still making their way down, "What in the world are you doing? I was waiting in line to take a bath and you just-"

"You can use Mara and mine's bathroom in our house in the back." Raoul said undoubtedly, more like a 'you will use our bathroom' instead of a nice and amiable invitation. He continued down the flight without flinching.

Hitomi wasn't pleased though, a surprise to the confident, sunny brunette, "Why are you being so nice to me?" She asked, stopping her movements.

Raoul stopped as well, turning his head around slowly to look up at her. His golden-brown eyes were serious, not playful as she was so used to in these past few meetings.

"You're going to Palas. Right, _Hitomi Kanzaki_?"

"Of course I am! But what does that have to…" She paused, realizing what Raoul had just said. She took a few steps backwards up the steps, and was suddenly aware that they were the only ones on the first floor. "How do you know my real name?" She demanded angrily, flustered and surprised.

Raoul's eyes lit up and he smiled widely, placing his hands on his hips in a self-pleased way, once again a small child in a grown man's body. "So it _is_ you! Lady Hitomi of the Mystic Moon! Gaea's savior! How lucky of us to have _you_ come **here**! I knew it! Ever since you came in and got all weird about your name with my sister, and I saw that weird pendant thingy glowing last night and then the fact that you're a foreigner and your hair and your eyes and your weird acc-"

"_Shut up!_" Hitomi hissed dangerously, pulling the blabbering idiot away from the empty entrance of the inn to the back hallway where she supposed there was a door to Raoul's "house".

"But Lady Hitomi," He stuttered, opening the door for her as they headed out.

"_Don't call me that!_" She whispered in that same frightened and angry tone.

"Why not? You are the Goddess from the Mystic Moon!"

"Goddess?" Hitomi laughed derisively, "I believe you're sorely mistaken!"

Raoul's brow furrowed in confusion, a little thrown off. Hitomi took the moment to view their 'backyard', a small garden alcove, filled with vegetables and tall plants and flowers. Through the vines and stems and woven greenery a small, short path led to a small two-story building on the right, opposite to the stables which were at her left. Large green trees shaded the stone building, and also a strange wooden 'outhouse', perhaps? No, it was way too large for that. But, unlike the house, it was completely made of long wooden boards and logs, with a strange white sheet pulled over the highest parts of the wooden enclosure to become some sort of ceiling. Hitomi was utterly confused and didn't come out of her reverie until Raoul asked a very stupid question.

"So it's just a coincidence? You're not the Seer of the Mystic Moon?" He asked sadly, his posture slacking as if someone had popped his balloon with an evil and menacing pushpin.

Hitomi cocked an eyebrow at him incredulously as they marched their way to the teeny house, "Of course I am!" She replied irritably, "That doesn't mean I'm a goddess, or savior…or…whatever!" She lifted her arms in exasperation and quickened her pace; "I'm tired of people referring to me that way!" Suddenly Hitomi's eyes went wide and she whipped around, surprising Raoul into almost tripping into her because he'd been trying to keep up with her pace. "You cannot tell anyone who I am!" She founded the words by pointing a finger to his chest. "From this moment on I am **NOT** Hitomi Kanzaki, I am Hitomi _Kouska_ of _Freid_! **Got it**?"

Raoul was still in shock, processing all of these things. She _was_ the Goddess sent to save Gaea during the Great War, and, from descriptions, he was expecting something a bit less…human? Less irritable and certainly not pregnant, that's for sure. Raoul nodded dumbly, but to Hitomi's dismay, continued to prod, "So, why are you here, of all places? Shouldn't you be doing other things? Don't you have destiny duties or something like that?" All he received was a disparaging glare and her token cocked-eyebrow expression. But Raoul was an energetic and optimistic person. "Shouldn't you be in Fanelia with Lord Van? Aren't you two supposed to get married? And why…oh…oh, dear…you're pregnant. Hmm…" Hitomi blushed vigorously, turning around to stare at Raoul with nothing but unbelieving shock on her face. "Wow. That does complicate things…how terrible for you! Oh, the fate of star-crossed lovers!" And with that Raoul put a hand to his forehead and closed his eyes sadly. Hitomi's shock soon wore off, not amused with his dramatic portrayal of her **personal life**!

"Where the hell are you getting all of this from? A lot of what you just said is pretty personal! You're just a regular Gaean! You had no part in the War!" She spat angrily.

At this, Raoul's expression went solemn and he opened the door to the strange wooden enclosure Hitomi had been puzzling over before her argument with this strange man. "I was apart of the Asturian Royal Guard during the war, and went to fight after my parents were killed by Zaibach soldiers. That is why I am separated from my family for now. I'm an Asturian, not a Hiarmazee. I've been trying to find a good reason to go back to Palas."

Hitomi bit her lower lip, and Raoul turned around to let her into the room, where a large, circular wooden bath stood in the corner, the dirt floor imbedded with swept-clean stone that reminded Hitomi of flagstone. Long mirrors hung from one wall and two large washbasins sat on a long wooden shelf laden with towels, opposite to the bath. It was sparse, but the stark white of the inside of the tub, the cream blankets and light stone against the deep beauty of dark wood surrounding her made Hitomi feel like she was somewhere on earth, at a retreat or spa in the mountains. Cutting through the palpable steam in the dark room, she set her things down on a small stool by the washbasins, and looked back up at Raoul, who was smiling lightly at the door. He came into the bath room and pulled on a taught rope that connected from a peg on the wall where the door was to the strange white covering that acted as a ceiling. With a gentle tug from the brown-haired man, the stretched covering was pulled halfway back, giving direct light to half of the room where the mirrors and basins were. The bath remained in the shade.

Hitomi felt a pang of guilt. This was really nice of them to let her use it, and she was not very pleasant to Raoul a minute ago, "Raoul, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so rude." She said quietly.

Raoul smirked, "It's okay, Lady Hitomi," he chuckled at her change of expression when he said 'Lady'. "You couldn't have known."

She smiled and nodded to him.

"So, what have you decided to name Lord Fanel's kid? It is _his_ child, correct?" He asked suggestively, ruining a perfectly content mood.

Hitomi scowled and suddenly had an intense urge to punch this guy right in the gut. She began to shove him out the door, "No more talking right now!" She gritted out while he laughed, "You leave me be and we'll discuss this after I'm clean!"

Hitomi sighed contentedly as she dried the rest of her hair, finally clean and feeling much more relaxed. The thick, muggy heat of midday had settled into the area because of the open-aired bathroom, but it didn't have that much of an effect on her dry, un-sweaty skin.

With quick fingers and de-tangled hair, Hitomi French-braided her growing mop of brown-blonde strands, pulling the leftover braid under and tying is short so it wouldn't stick to her neck as she traversed that day. She scrubbed her face clean again with soap and ended her hygiene process with brushing her teeth. After dressing in her tunic and riding pants, she grabbed all of her things and tried her hardest to clean up the wet mess she had left behind, though it wasn't that bad.

Raoul was waiting for her in the house, and was seemingly so engrossed in a book at a small wooden table that he didn't even look up when Hitomi creaked the door open and peeked in. Reassured that the small 'house', which reminded her of a cottage, was someplace she was allowed to be in, Hitomi set her things on the table and seated herself from across Raoul.

The log-walls whistled with the wind as Raoul turned a page, cocking his head to read it. Hitomi scooted closer in her wooden chair. He didn't look up. Before Hitomi could comment on how curiously 'wooden' everything was here, he closed the book with a sharp snap.

"All clean now?" He asked, looking at her with a small grin.

She nodded her head, fisted her hands in her lap and looking down.

"And happy now?" He cocked his head to the side, much like he did while reading.

Hitomi looked up to meet his warm brown eyes with a questioning stare. After a long silence between them, Raoul waiting intently, his chin in his hand, she took a big breath and asked: "How is it that you know so much about me? I know that many people on Gaea know who I am and what I've done, but some of the things you know are very . . . personal matters."

Raoul pushed the thick book towards her and pointed to the cover.

"The History of the Great War: The Fanelian King and The Seeress from the Mystic Moon," Raoul recited from the front title, "A very interesting read, actually. From meeting you, though, my guess is that it's a little more romanticized. But that has made it the most popular vernacular text that has ever been sold worldwide."

"There's already a history book about it all?" Hitomi asked, astonished, picking up the brown book, now noticing the blue runes on the cover and the crude image of Escaflowne painted on. It certainly looked that a history text. She frowned at the mention of 'romanticized history'. "Who wrote this? Who could know of all the things between me and Van…?"

"King Dryden Fassa of Asturia."

Her eyebrow twitched.

Raoul backed away.

"Dryden…" Hitomi seethed, turning the cover page to look for the eccentric merchant's name.

"So it's true that you traveled with the good King?"

"Yes." Hitomi bit out, vowing to speak Dryden about his best-seller as soon as she was back in his presence. The young mother-to-be wondered what Van thought of the book.

"You can keep that book if you want," Raoul said, watching her as she traced the figure of Escaflowne on the front.

"Thanks." With a more somber expression now, she sighed and stood up, "Well, shouldn't you be packing? We've got a few days' journey in front of us."

Raoul's wide eyes gave him a softer and less world-worn look that Hitomi decided she liked better. However, it didn't last long, and the man stood with her.

"You're right. I'll be half a day to get my affairs in order. Do you think you could wait until then?"

Hitomi nodded, "Do you mind if I wait here in your kitchen?"

"No, not at all," He replied, a bit puzzled, "But why would you want to stay in here?"

"Because," Hitomi said, pulling up a chair and preparing herself for a few hours of frustration with the Gaean language, "I have some reading to catch up on."

Raoul laughed, and left to care for his business.

Hitomi turned to the first page:

**_"The Great War was a war that trapped all of the countries of Gaea into the bloodiest battles our world has ever seen. But the origins of the war did not exactly start with disputing countries. Oddly and tragically enough, it began with two brothers, nearly a decade before the sparks of war flared . . . "_**


	15. Discussion, Decision

Disclaimer: See Chp 1.

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Sing a Lullaby

By Cev

Chapter Thirteen: Discussion, Decision

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The blazing sun was quieted behind puffs of white clouds in the clear afternoon, and the wind somehow decided to grace her face this particular moment as she traveled this particular place. Hitomi lay in the back of the hay cart, finishing up, surprisingly very quickly, the history text, more like a dramatic novel, that Raoul had given her. She supposed it took less time because she knew the story in her heart, because she lived in those words, even if they and the situations were a bit more dramatic than she recalled. None of it seemed really dramatic at the time; they were just there as life and simply, just…hard. 

The aforementioned man sat up in the driver's bench plugging along with the cart, glad to be able to allow the lady time to herself. He had ended his affairs more quickly than either of them thought, and thus they left the town earlier than they expected. Mara, Raoul's half-sister and the owner of the inn, even seemed nonchalant and unaffected by the news of Raoul leaving, as if it had been expected. Hitomi supposed Raoul was much closer to his sister in Asturia than Mara. It seemed he had been waiting a long time to get out of Hiramazee soil, and Hitomi had given him the opportunity. Hitomi was glad to help Raoul, and very glad of their early schedule, and because of this they would make it to Palas in less than a full cycle of a day's time, arriving the next morning, to the palace, hopefully, where Millerna was waiting to be called on by "Hitomi Kouska of Freid".

The countryside was becoming flatter and the trees more widespread in their branches, lower to the ground. The air was saltier, and Hitomi knew their road was nearer to the shore. She took a deep breath and was, for a small moment, as the wind lifted her cheeks into a smile, happy, and thought how nice it would be to raise her child in Asturia, by the summery beach and cool nights of the sea. Though the high peaks and towering hills and sky-high lakes were mysterious and enlightening in Freid, the beauty and familiarity, and close friends, all made Palas more inviting. Hitomi closed her book remorsefully and absently traced the edges, caught up in the sudden remembrance in what had happened only a few years ago, and the differences between what actually happened and what Dryden wrote. It made her still think of Van, a recurring disaster that almost immediately brought her into depression.

Raoul diligently kept the horse to its path. Determined to not be dragged into such mournful topics in her mind such as Van, Hitomi decided to focus on her traveling companion, marking his face. She had to admit, he was a handsome man. For some reason Raoul had a way of briefly making her forget the pain of losing her beloved because of her own will, that in itself making it worse. Raoul, though she knew him very little and for a very short time, had made her feel a sort of pull to him. She wasn't sure she liked that, after leaving Fanelia and Van so soon. It really did feel as if she were just experiencing a funeral of a part of her life. But-at least she still had the unborn child – she clutched her bulging stomach thoughtfully – at least that way she could always keep a part of Van with her – no matter how it seemed to ache. Did such pains every leave our minds? She wondered. For her whole body seemed to ache in a tired, sore, sad way, not longingly but simply unwhole. And Hitomi knew that for a long time she would not quite feel herself.

"Hitomi," Raoul's smooth, gentle voice broke her sadness, "We should really start looking for a place to camp for the night. It's starting to get dark."

Hitomi nodded, thankful for the interruption of her despairing thought stream. Soon they found a small field off the side of the road, rocky but flat and seemingly a popular resting place, with a burnt circular hearth, obviously having been re-used several times, and surrounded by a circle of rocks, with rocks and logs surrounding it, and a muddy square of earth between the few lone trees in the field serving as a good place for a tent. Raoul quickly pitched Hitomi's large tent and added his own belongings in it. As he gathered things together Hitomi started to boil water and make the tea, heating some traveling cakes over the coals with a stick.

As they ate and warmed themselves by the fire, the silence of the night between them was somewhat unnerving, and definitely awkward. What was there to say now: to speak of? Raoul realized he hardly knew anything about the young woman with him, despite his full readings and re-readings of that 'historical' book written by King Dryden. The rustling of leaves and grass in the wind seemed to deafen the restlessness between their figures.

So, he decided to break the silence: "Hitomi, I know this might seem a bit…audacious to ask, but why exactly are you here and why are you being so secretive about it?"

Hitomi paused from biting off another piece of her biscuit. She sighed heavily and dropped it back on her plate of grits, her face quiet and thoughtful. Raoul supposed she had calmed down, for he half-expected her to roar out that it was none of his business. It seemed her temper was perhaps a menial and only occasional thing (at least, that is what he hoped for). Hitomi drank up the rest of her tea and Raoul waited patiently for a reply as she refilled her cup.

But she was very silent.

"Hitomi?"

"Yes…" She acknowledged him with a small voice, alerting she was simply thinking, "There are many reasons." Hitomi finally said softly, taking another warm drink, and draping her free arm over her belly. She looked at Raoul straight in the eyes, and he saw her sorrow, if only for a short glimpse of time. What was she searching for in his eyes? "But firstly you must understand - am from the Mystic Moon. There, I am no Goddess, Raoul, no savior. I'm a normal person, like you and your sisters. I have to work and study and live just like everyone else- there aren't any kings in my country or recent wars to overcome. I don't know how to be a Fanelian – much less a Fanelian queen." – Raoul looked at her in surprise at this, and she smiled, continuing to explain as if he were a close friend – "yes, he had proposed to me. But it seems the Royal council had much more…" she paused to find the right word, "political ideas about who Van would need to marry. For his country's sake."

Raoul suddenly nodded in understanding, though leaning in and hoping for her to continue.

"Me," Hitomi started out, "I wanted to try, really, but there are hundreds of thousands of Fanelians. I am only one person. And though I've steered history to give Gaea life in the past, we live in the present, and none of my good deeds in the past give me any personal weight in that matter. People in our line of work: warriors, soldiers, guardsmen – goddesses, or whatnot- we hardly ever get what we truly want. It is the price, I suppose, for loving any country."

Raoul leaned back, knowing she was finished as she dropped her head and continued to eat, now even further away in her mind. She still had yet to explain a lot of things, but Raoul wasn't one to push people to speak to him on their own matters, especially when they didn't know each other very well. But she seemed so overwhelmingly despairing all of the time, as if her whole existence was one big ache.

"Well," Raoul said energetically, hoping to break the mood, "That sure does sound like a heavy burden, but I think you would have made an excellent Queen."

Hitomi smiled faintly. Raoul liked it when she smiled. "Thank you," and she giggled slightly, bringing them both a small joy, "Though I'm sure I would have been a mess."

"I wouldn't judge myself, if I were you, before I'd even started."

Hitomi only gave a slight smile in response, but the air lay a little calmer between them and she relaxed a bit, the sad tension in her muscles easing, if only a little. And it didn't seem like a strain to speak anymore, as if things were settled now – Raoul liked that feeling, getting over the first awkward stage of a friendship - yes, friendship. For that was his aim and want with her. And for the rest of the small night they talked of lighter things and joked about their terrible traveling food, and Raoul learned of Hitomi's love for cooking and Hitomi of Raoul's insatiable hunger for the written word. She supposed that was why he had that Dryden text. Of course, she scowled at that, to Raoul's amusement, but definitely, to herself, she felt the chill of her blue-roofed castle seemed to be dimming.

* * *

Van carefully took another sip of vino, trying to ignore the blatant stares of Princess Shandra. She and her mother were going on their second night's stay in his castle, and this was the first dinner he had allowed time with them since their afternoon arrival the previous day. The Princess, a small, pretty girl, and two years his junior, was repeating symptoms of what Van could only guess was mindless infatuation ever since he greeted she and Queen Arika yesterday. And she seemed as if she was battling with the want to loathe being married off, or the…_joy_…of her betrothed not being a lusting, old, fat noble; a common characteristic, it seemed. The Queen was an older version of her daughter, with slightly more pointed features, and tautly thinned to the bone. She was well-put together and sat straighter than any arrow, daintily picking at her foods of what only reminded Van of Millerna's mother and her strict eating etiquette. Van, of course, was no barbarian at the dinning table, but there was something about Arika's posture that demeaned anyone around her. Van was sure Shandra would follow suit, something he did not like. Any Fanelian Queen was a royal of her people, and must be able to account for them, talk to them, be one of them, as he was.

"Lord Van," Queen Arika began politely, "It seems your palace has been neglected during the re-building process. Wouldn't that be one of the first things to be redone?"

"Everything moves along together," Van replied coolly, "My home is a work in progress, and will most likely be completely finished way after the rest of the city is rebuilt. There is still a lot of salvaging and deconstruction being done in the surviving burnt zones that still need to be cleared."

"All in all," Shandra said timidly, "It seems to be going well. It's a beautiful city."

Van smiled, "Thank you Princess."

Arika, though, was not satisfied with that answer, and gave her daughter a short look, "My King, what of the furnishings?"

Van chuckled, holding his glass close to his lips, "Queen, this is not Asturia. Fanelia will always be more humble in appearance, making up for any shortcomings in 'furnishings' by its _natural_ beauty."

Van's glaring stare bored deeply in Arika, shaking her nerves as she picked up on the very distinct comment. Shandra bubbled happily, oblivious to the contemptuous exchange of expression between the two royals, about the Aozarii range and the farmer's fields, eager to please the King. He said little or nothing to her, that which fired her to even fall more out of courtesy (and her new spring dress) to catch any attention: in which process that only ended in just embarrassing herself. Queen Arika shut her mouth decidedly for the rest of the, as Van felt it, **agonizing** evening, except to reprimand her daughter or slip a sarcastic sentence in, further enraging and degrading the King of Fanelia. When desert came, Van excused himself early, to the dismay of the Princess, using night training with knight candidates as his excuse.

"You were right, mother," Shandra said excitedly, her eyes lit by some lustrous greed, "He's even more handsome than I remember-"

"Shut up, Shandra!" Arika snapped, digging her fork into her poor cake. "You might want to find more _implicit_ ways of seducing your soon-to-be. If you are to do anything, make sure it is outside the span of other's eyesight, daughter! You have to remember the rules of society, no matter station of life – even a Queen must keep herself in line. You would do good to remember that!"

With that said, Queen Arika stormed out of the dinning hall, leaving Shandra alone with her desert and fork as her only companions. She glared at her mother's retreating form, but smiled impishly after taking a slow bite of the cake. Oh yes, this was much better than anything in Hiarmaz. And Lord Van would be a much better lover than any palace guard she had had. Rules of society! Thinking of that witch from the Mystic Moon, it seemed Van hadn't followed them, either. Of course, the castle was much plainer than anything she was ever used to. The bedroom she was staying in was unattractively smaller and less grand than even the guest rooms in the Hiarmaz Castle. But with Hiarmaz wealth that would pool in Fanelia along with other nation's interest, she would soon have this place above and beyond than what she was used to, regained to above its glory before the war, or what she could recall from when she was younger. Spearing another piece of her dessert, she glowered into her plate. She just had to make sure any potential 'disturbances' to these plans, one in particular, actually, were _eradicated_.

* * *

Van gave a small wave of goodbye to the trainees as they left the practice hall. Setting one of the wooden swords back on the rack, he climbed to the deck above the training grounds, absently looking down in the area. It was by now very dark, and the torches for the late training hour had been extinguished. He had spent a lot of time here these days, just as in his earlier years with Balgus. Remembering his old friend and general brought Van to a slouch, and his last memory of Balgus also brought Hitomi to his mind, as well. Had five months changed her so much, as well? What lines in her face had been drawn or erased? 

His fingers looked pale in the moonlight – he rubbed his eyes and the circles under them. They were wilting without sleep, and it was true that what weight he had he was losing. Van couldn't stand being like this. It had already been half a year. Half a year.

Half a YEAR.

And that thought made it worse. Wasn't it supposed to be them together? Wasn't she supposed to be with him always? Wasn't that the plan? Wasn't that what they wanted, what they pledged? If only he had changed something, if only time could rewind, if only, if only. There were too many if's torturing him, wrenching in his gut and creating a distinct pain behind his ribcage, spreading as a lost passion, carousing so confidently through his veins.

Despair and pain. Was this the emotion his brother had? To want something that doesn't even have a chance in all fate to exist? To feel loss - even when you're surrounded with people, with friends? What is good enough to quiet that burning rage against life and that circumstance that made him feel as if no day, no moment, no time would pass where it would not be entrenched in his memory.

Hitomi.

He had imagined all his life's path lay out before him, unpredictable. His country could fall, or rise with splendor, happy, still, either way. War could come, even in the midst of all that was being done to prevent it, anything could happen. But he had counted on that she would be with him, standing proudly; he could have seen her profile in the light of the bright Fanelian sun, on top of the steps to receive their subjects in the courtyard. He had imagined her rightful place in the hall as they both attended to the daily matters of being royal – and always taking a leisurely night with her, to have a steadfast pillar, someone he knew he could count on, to make things better, as she always seemed to do.

But plans change. And life is inconsistent, and he learned, in a rather painful way, that nothing is to be sure or counted on in this life. Not even himself, as he mourned and mulled in a diligent sorrow over the railing.

So what was he to do? Was he to become as his brother did, and reject life and the world as he knew it, a feeble attempt to deny the fate the world had given him? Van could see how tempting if would have been to want to control fate. But, should he accept it, and was he to live and breathe and try, try for anything? Opportunity is always one to heal, however unfitted and unsatisfying, in the end, any open wounds.

And it was in this moment that the King of Fanelia finally decided a course of action after Hitomi's departure. And though it came late, and did not ease the pain in his chest, he found that as a distraction, forced, however it may have been, it gave him hope and a purpose in his now emptier life. The sun didn't blaze as brightly, and the rich hues of the farms didn't quite measure up anymore, his observations were dimming. But his country had to be saved, and his people could not be abandoned. He was a King – a young one with still a young heart. And he would fight the best way he knew against Hiarmaz. He would fight as a soldier.

A very quiet soldier.

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I hope you enjoyed it. It took me a while to get it out. Next chapter is to come out quickly! 

Love,

Cev

P.S. : please review!


	16. First Flames

Disclaimer: See Chp 1.

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**Sing a Lullaby**

By Cev

Chapter Fourteen: First Flames

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It was a clear summer morning when her eyes had lazily pulled open. Hitomi felt warm and comfortable, and the lazy heat made her mind dull. Small rays of peeping awake sunshine beamed down on her skin, a small morning chill making her nose cold. But the rest of her body was very warm. 

Extremely warm…

Someone stretched behind her, and with a jump in her stomach she felt a bare arm creep from her tummy to clench her tightly right underneath her breasts. With a shocking blush, she recalled the night's events dizzily, a small fire right behind her belly button glowing as her red-hot blush crept up her neck.

Van's hair lay mixed in her neck. He was spooned behind her comfortingly, in a way Hitomi had never known or felt, and she could feel all of him encompassed around her like a second skin, with the electrifying realization that they were both completely nude, a fact which was only twistingly highlighted every time one of them moved.

Hitomi laughed softly to herself as she suddenly relaxed, not wanting to move and wake him up. After all, to be so concerned – when, well, considering why they were in this position in the first place. She let her mind drift in imagination, thinking of years from now when this would be a regular morning thing. And at that, Hitomi only laughed and blushed more. Good Gaea, she was being absolutely juvenile! But she only smiled.

Joggled awake by his fiancé's laughter, Van tightened his hold on the girl instinctively. He opened his eyes – his first mistake – and looked down at his beautiful Hitomi. Realizing what the young girl had just moments ago, he lost his nerve and embarrassingly let go in an abrupt, stammering way.

This action only made Hitomi embarrassed as she propped herself up, only slightly disappointed from the shock of no longer having Van's body heat around her. She carefully covered herself as best she could: "G-good morning."

Van, unable to exactly move out of the bedding in his…unclothed…state, had to awkwardly sit up from the futon to put some awkward distance between them. He felt the change in temperature too, but his response to her greeting was caught in his throat as he truly looked at Hitomi, her tanned skin glowing in the morning beams of sun peaking through the top of the tent, her golden brown hair mussed but cute, draping over her body in what Van was sure she meant innocently enough, but hardly stirred chaste thoughts. It was hard to be himself in this situation. When usual first instinct was to pull back, as he had done, Van immediately, uncharacteristically, dove back down to encompass Hitomi in a length-long hug, and the girl, surprised but pleased, took no waste of the moment as she gave back to him full force. Unintentionally pressing her chest into his own, Hitomi only saw Van's darkened eyes before he covered her mouth with his own in morning greeting. Van contented himself to a slow kiss; one Hitomi felt she should call a morning kiss, as if just seeing him, a kiss for rejoining, a kiss for long returns. Van held her, his mind now definitely cleared and in a much more awake, happy mood.

"Good morning." He said back to her confidently, obviously not embarrassed any longer.

"You seem to get more self-assured these days." Hitomi commented, smiling into his chest.

Van grunted, his face turning red as he recalled the little speech he had given to Hitomi the night before. Was that what she was talking about? "Yes," he said, a little disgruntled, "I suppose I was a little forward and…cheesy…last night."

Hitomi only laughed in response, "No, it was honest, Van, it was you." She reassured him, clutching him tighter, "There's nothing more I could ask for."

He smiled.

"Besides, I wasn't talking about what you said."

To this, he flushed, again.

It was surprising how much a man could be embarrassed…just as much as she. It was a nice feeling.

Van got over his mild self-awkwardness, looking down at Hitomi's smiling face fondly. To think, it was just over a year when they first met.

Hitomi gently brought her hand to his cheek, clearing his hair from his eyes, and something in her chest swelled. "I love you, Van."

Van kissed her temple, gently holding her hand, "I love you."

Such a simple exchange of words, but they meant more than if she said it to a family member. For the first time, Hitomi felt the full force of those words when they were truly meant. It gave her a soft, warm feeling in her heart- but a dedicated caution in her mind. What would happen if something went wrong with that love?

Van saw her worried thoughts in her face. "What are you thinking about?"

"I want to always stay like this," she said quickly – almost childlike, for some reason, her voice doubting and scared, "Even when we're old."

"Hitomi, of course we will," he said, his brows drawing together as he held her to him, "What would make you worried over such a thing?"

"Sometime……when people get married, they just stop loving each other. Not everyone, but people that have huge responsibilities…like we'll have. And I'm scared that something will happen. Anything could happen-"

Van stopped her with a soft kiss, a thing he was doing more and more when she was getting worried, just to silence her. Hitomi wasn't sure she liked his methods of problem-solving in that respect, but didn't protest. "Hitomi, nothing will happen." He held her left hand up, motioning to his ring to underscore his remark, "We have a promise to each other, and everything will be fine. Some things in the world will always be changing, but at least now we have each other to count on." He dipped his head down very close to hers, "Don't worry so much. There are better things to focus on." He added darkly, lifting the corners of his mouth in what could only be described as a devilish grin.

Hitomi smiled knowingly. Lord, Van sure had a one-track mind lately. And he closed the space between them in a very hot, short flash of time, his arms holding her true to him as she clenched her thighs - he quickly erupted a heat in her muscles. He seemed to know exactly the right place to raise a fire, and only managed it in the span of a few hours. Her worries were pushed to the back of her mind as they folded upon the blankets, but were sure to resurface.

However, for now, all she saw was Van and all she did was feel. For that moment, it seemed good enough to last forever. And as her beloved dipped his head down further, her heart pounded within her chest.

* * *

Pounded, beating ferociously, Hitomi awoke with a regretful, tensed body, her heart racing. The air changed and the light, too; her eyes blurred with something not so foreign – saline water tears- to her lids as they slid down the sides of her cheeks that opened to the sky. Suddenly everything was blue and cloudy and she saw early morning sun, full and dotted through the trees' leaves. 

She looked up into the brightening Asturian skyline as the road came into her line of vision, and she saw the horse they were using, grazing lazily in a small field on the other side of the road under Raoul's watchful eye. _He_ was moving about camp diligently to get them back on the road soon.

"Mornin', Hitomi," Raoul said gaily when he noticed her. He was very much a morning person, she noted.

She grabbed her chest oddly then, her ribcage vibrating from a heart that was beating so vividly, she felt it against her bones and muscles like an earthquake. She wiped her eyes and waited until she could no longer feel the heat of her pain in the veins of her face. Her flushed red eyes began to dwindle into a normal, calm color. Her mind's eye seemed to masochistically be torturing her with these flashback-like dreams.

She pulled herself out of bed and rolled up her sleeping bag distractedly. And while Raoul was curious as to why she was so silent, he didn't say anything and allowed her to get mechanically lost in her own thoughts.

It had taken the whole complete ride to Palas for Hitomi to finally manage a small smile, the sad remembrance of the dream sparking more memories. It was as if everything around her was drenched in Van-memories, her last time being in Palas was with him, and they were traveling down that very same road. But Raoul was entertaining and really should have been a traveling clown. The combination of his endless chatter and her determination to not get so caught up in her own desolate thoughts drove her to at least force happiness in her heart.

"Hitomi, where exactly are we headed?"

Hitomi didn't catch the 'we' part. "If you'll just take yourself where you need to go, I'll drive the cart from there."

Raoul was silent for a moment. He hadn't gotten so far as to think about what to do once they got back into Palas. He didn't even know what she was doing in Palas. And he was pretty certain that from what Hitomi just said that she was very sure of not seeing him again, rather uncaring, really, as if they were passing strangers. Granted, they sort of were, Raoul admitted, but…ever since he saw Hitomi he had felt a sort of strange desire to look after her, to protect her and be by her side, and it would be very hard to say goodbye. After all, for a girl who never really lived for a long time in Gaea, didn't she need friends? Raoul slackened a bit, his disappointment noticeable, "And where will you go? Will you be okay?" He tentatively asked.

"Oh, yes, I'll be fine" She replied with a bright, true smile, a look of anticipation, "I'm going to see Millerna."

"Queen Millerna? In the Palace?"

"And to have a little chat with Dryden." She added with a small laugh.

This was Raoul's desperate attempt to stay with her. It wouldn't be his last – "You know what, I'm sure that Gadess would be surprised and pleased to see me. I think I'll go with you to the palace."

"You know Gadess?" Hitomi asked happily, "He was Allen's first mate - I knew him."

Raoul smiled, "Small world, I guess. I don't remember Knight Schezar being mentioned that much in the text, though."

Hitomi's left eyebrow lifted, "Well, considering it had to do with Allen, I'm not surprised. Dryden doesn't seem to put much emphasis on anything to do with Allen and his crew."

"Why's that?"

"Oh, you don't know this?" Hitomi gloated.

"Oh, come on…"

"No, no, I want to revel in this…There is actually something about MY LIFE in Gaea that you don't know about!"

"I know that you and Allen-"

Hitomi scowled, "Hey now!"

"What? I just-"

"Millerna was very much in love with Allen when I first met them," Hitomi interrupted, looking ahead and suddenly getting serious, "But he felt nothing for her – it really was sad."

"Hmm…interesting. I guess Dryden didn't want to include that."

"Well, he is married to the woman. Plus, he probably felt it was irrelevant," Hitomi said, though quirked a grin, "Although, Dryden can be very jealous and very stubborn for such a seemingly laid-back guy." Raoul only gave a grunt of acknowledgement in reply. "Anyway, how do you know Gadess?"

"We were Royal Guards together, until, of course, the war." An eerie, blank, faraway smile came upon Raoul's handsome face. Hitomi knew that smile – the same look he drifted into when he was remembering the war. Raoul didn't give her much time to pity him before he added – "I think he'll be glad to know I'm not dead."

"He thinks you're dead!" Hitomi repeated in horror.

"Well, yes, all of those that were with me do."

"How did that happen? Does your sister know you're still alive?"

"Yes, of course. Alicia and I wrote each other every week."

Whoa, Hitomi thought, he's a devoted brother.

"But it's not been that long since the end of the war, and cleaning up the damage and tying up loose ends goes far in between all of the other things a government must carry out, don't you think?" Hitomi nodded sullenly, "I'm just labeled as Missing-In-Action."

"Well, I'm sure there will be many surprises if we both go in together like this," Hitomi smiled, "It's going to be one day to remember at the Palas."

Raoul wondered at this, but sort of figured it had something to do with her protruding girth from under her dress. He supposed he'd wait until they got to the Royal Court. He flinched at the thought of doing that, but had a devilish plan cooking up in his head. Hitomi needed not to look ungraced with her condition and no escort. Plus, he could indulge himself a little…

* * *

Although Aston was a greedy, pompous, and flamboyant man, he was her father. And really, Millerna missed him – especially on occasions such as these. Being the youngest, she never thought that it would be her to take the throne. And now she was reading books about war and politics rather than medical manuals. But being from a Royal bloodline came with responsibilities that she wouldn't shirk from. Dryden's busy eyes searched over several documents in front of him while he also listened to an advisor give a report about postwar Zaibach and the Hiarmaz conflicts. Millerna was amazed at how multi-tasked he was – he was a perfect King, attentive and willing to go to all ends to ensure things were well. Millerna was sure that he hadn't expected to be a King, either, just a Prince, married to a Princess. 

Millerna mourned her father's death, it was true – but it had been a while, and, mustering some strength, she continued on with the meeting, trying to keep family matters away from the business table. Her tired body ached for rest but she kept her smile fixed and her attentive eyes ready and willing to receive any one of her subjects or advisors with a level head and heart. It was so hard to keep a judge's mind when she yearned so badly to be away from all of this, to relive the days when she could move, talk, and breathe with ease. How many nights had been sleepless? Even the miracle and love of her sons' births did no ease to her hardening heart. She knew how Dryden felt. He became colder and colder every night…her own doing, withdrawing from everything except during the times in which she had to rule, had to show face.

How could she tell anyone that she was falling apart?

"My Lord and Lady," A messenger abruptly interrupted the meeting, jogging into the hall with a flushed, worried face.

Millerna instantly stood in alarm, and, in doing so, caused every gentleman present to rise as well.

"What is your report?" she asked hurriedly.

The boy stood a minute to catch his breath before continuing. "Your Majesties,"-he wheezed, looking over at Dryden as well-"There's been a skirmish along the Hiarmaz border. It's Valence - the village was half-burned! There are ten dead and many, many more wounded."

Millerna fell back into her seat, the only sound the rustle of her folding dress. She set her distraught face in her hands, away from the surprised eyes around her.

Dryden looked at his wife with woe, his own surprise still evidence on his face. "When did this happen?" The King asked stolidly, trying to keep face as he recuperated.

"Just a night ago, my King, I was sent as soon as I could be spared from help and came straight here."

Millerna was suddenly up again, forcing all of the men again to stand. Her shoulders straightened and she gathered her courage and will, "Go to the servant's quarters and rest, get something to eat. You," She addressed another messenger boy that stood nearby, ready to run any news or, more likely, orders, to appropriate people during the meeting, "I want you to set off to Valence and tell them that medical help is along the way."

Before the Queen's clear voice could bark out any more orders, Dryden took up his vocals: "Head General Quien, dispatch a small squad to leave as soon as possible to Valence. Additionally, I want increased watch in Hiarmaz and runners on every border town. I want to know exactly what's going on if it has to do with our borders – even trade. I want to know if anything changes, no matter how small, no matter from what country."

"But do not, under any circumstances, provoke Hiarmaz," The Queen added. The King nodded to Quien, and he and his lower generals bowed and left the hall with a purpose. With them gone, the advisors left as well to organize and carry out Dryden's orders.

Dryden's arms folded and his face twisted into a deep, disturbed, thoughtful look. Millerna knew that look well.

"What are you thinking?" She looked at him with worry in her eyes.

He looked at her with intensity, not answering. So soon to be a ruler, he thought. So soon to take all of this on, just the two of them, with no proper training or readiness to know what to do. And now they were almost on another brink of war. There had to be something to stop this now before it had gone too far!

Millerna, in all of her delicate beauty and strength of heart, looked more fragile and even broken in all of her change in responsibility. Her blonde eyebrows met together in a very distraught face. She could be so strong in front of her people, but Dryden knew better. He knew how she walked and ate and slept, how tired and lost her eyes looked. He could see it in every muscle of her being, every tendon in her back that he did not touch.

And suddenly Dryden was sick in his chest when he saw her eyes and her body there, in front of him, and she seemed so distant. He moved to her without a word – her face was all alarm. As he neared he slowed, taking up her hand and kissing it softly.

"If we're not careful, if Gaea is not careful, someone will set off a giant of a bomb."

"And we'll be turned into another war of destruction and hatred and dying…"

"At least this time someone won't be trying to control fate." Dryden said helplessly, dropping their hands and looking off away from her gaze but still holding their hands clenched. For once, Millerna didn't pull away.

"We don't even know all of the details yet, Dryden. We don't know anything." She only looked down at his hands.

He noticed this action and took advantage of her not paying attention, pulling her in for a desperate embrace. Millerna awkwardly leaned into him for support, and after a second, relaxed. When she did so, Dryden finally let out a breath of air he was holding. For at one time being so close and so in love, it seemed everything was gone and abandoned now. How could they raise their sons like this? Millerna surprised her husband by wrapping her arms around him. Dryden's eyes widened in surprise and anguish when he realized that the cool wet he felt soaking through his tunic was a result from the Queen's now shaking shoulders.

Aggravatingly enough, just then as Dryden pulled his distraught, exhausted wife into his arms, a manservant walked in to announce a visitor.

"A Lord and Lady Kouska of Freid ask for a private meeting, Your Highness," the man addressed Kind Dryden, aware enough in his mature state of affairs to ignore royal family matters, i.e., Millerna's crying. He tucked a piece of his delicate gold hair behind his ear, a habit of vanity Dryden completely loathed. But this was how Arnold was.

"I've never heard of the Kouska family," Dryden said, his voice a little grating, irritated from being interrupted. He'd have to help Millerna to their room so he could find some privacy and the long-awaited chance to finally speak and actually TALK to his wife. "Tell them to come back later in the evening or tomorrow. We are through will the morning request roster. No visitors now, Arnold."

"But, Your Majesty," Arnold looked a little worried; "They say it's urgent."

"Tell them to come another time." The King said firmly, annoyed.

Arnold knew better than to provoke Dryden's patience, "Very well, My King." And with that the manservant left.

Millerna opened up her arms to Dryden and he took it willingly, relieved that finally her tautly closed heart was unwinding. "Let's go to our room."

She nodded meekly and Dryden hooked a strong arm around her shoulders protectively. Millerna, so now unused to be so cared for, took comfort in the small gesture. It had been a long time since she relied upon someone other than herself.

* * *

"Are you kidding me?" Hitomi nearly screamed, "You said 'Hitomi Kouska', correct?" 

Arnold looked annoyed, "Yes, 'Lady Kouska of Freid'! It doesn't matter; they do not even know you. They haven't even heard of your family, and the Astons have known Freidan families for centuries! You don't seem like a _Lady_ to me at all!"

Hitomi was taken aback by this response, and by now Raoul was definitely mad, roaring, "How dare you speak to her like that, you presumptuous bastard-"

The long-haired, manicured man looked ready to punch Raoul for being so rude, but Hitomi knew there was nothing they could do. Perhaps something else, something worse than time constraints or 'lateness' was the reason they didn't receive them immediately. Hitomi was sure the moment her name was dropped they would want to see her. What she would give to see Millerna's kind eyes and Dryden's relaxing presence. Maybe Merle was so mad at her that she had decided not to send the letter. Or even worse, perhaps they _did_ get the letter but just didn't _want_ to see her. That thought was enough to plummet Hitomi into a very deep, very melancholy sadness. Raoul noticed the abrupt change and ignored the high-pitched, annoyed responses of Arnold, holding her shoulders.

Hitomi shooed him away, and apologized to Arnold for their behavior, "Please, could you show us out?"

"I can get someone to show you out." Arnold said down his beaked nose. Raoul wanted to rip it off of his face.

As they left, Raoul's usual reaction of silence and no questions disappeared: "What wrong, Hitomi? What happened? Why did you suddenly-"

"I think I know why they didn't want to see us," Hitomi said, her voice very small. She had thought Millerna would have reacted in a much different way.

"Hitomi…"

Hitomi wiped her tears and looked up at Raoul with a watery smile. He felt his heart ache. But she shined through with strength. "Don't worry, I'll find a midwife in the city. Tell your sister good luck…and good luck to you too, Raoul." They neared the stables where the cart and horse waited.

"But…but where will you stay?"

Hitomi looked quizzically at his worried expression, innocent and not understanding his look. It seemed it may always be that way, Raoul thought. "At an inn…or something. Why?"

Raoul blushed before managing out, "Y-you don't have to do that and waste what little money you have! Come stay with me and my sister, at least until you have your affairs in order and have gotten a hold of the Queen."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course!" He waved her off, and, now confident, marched toward the stables with resumed Raoul assertion. "Besides, my sister has plenty of room. And you're coming back here this afternoon, right? You may not have to stay the night."

That was true, Hitomi thought, but didn't like going to places she didn't know. Well, this sister of his had been pregnant. Maybe she could give Hitomi some advice.

"All right, Raoul. Let's go."

Raoul smiled brightly. It was shinning, his smile, and Hitomi wondered if her coming along with him could really make him so happy. She grinned.

* * *

Okay. That's it for now. 

Just so you know, this IS a VanXHitomi fic. Everyone's worried Raoul and her are going to end up together.

Yeah, right.

Right?

REVIEW!

Cev


	17. Water Breaks on Rain Clouds

Disclaimer: See Chp 1.

_**For updates for all of my stories, just refer to my main profile. I give detailed news on progress and possible dates for updating!**_

* * *

**Sing a Lullaby**

By Cev

Chapter Fifteen: Water Breaks on Rain Clouds

* * *

Hitomi stood cautiously behind Raoul when the door to his sister's house opened. It was a tall, condominium-type house, squeezed in between others similar to it on a long stretch of nice, beautiful stores and apartments and homes, the Venetian style and feel of Palas finally reaching Hitomi. The blue sky and beautiful landscapes and tall, bustling city were catching her heart in a web, it seemed, and she was becoming more and more attached. She wondered if she would love Freid as much. 

"Raoul! You dog! You're here late!" A beautiful red-haired girl, lean and tall, opened her arms to receive Raoul. Hitomi could only guess that it was his sister.

"Alicia!" He hugged her fiercely, and for a long time. It had been a long time since he had seen her.

"Alice?" A deep, male voice was heard cautiously from behind the girl, and they heard footsteps approach the door. A man appeared at Alicia's side, with dark, almost black hair and clear brown eyes. He was very handsome but his face was larger, and almost had a babyish quality to it. "Raoul!" His maple eyes widened as he clasped Raoul in a brotherly hug. "I was wondering why Alicia was answering the door instead of letting the maid. You know she's been waiting at the window for you to get here all morning!"

Raoul smirked at Alicia as she flushed, stammering, "Well, for goodness sake, it's been ages since you've been home-"

"I missed you, too, sister." Raoul said warmly, putting an arm around her shoulders.

Then suddenly the dunce brunette remembered why he was there in the first place. Hitomi was still standing behind him, and feeling very awkward to be watching such a warm family exchange. Raoul moved from his sister and hooked his arm around Hitomi.

"Alicia, this is Lady Hitomi Ka"-she shot him a glare, and he stumbled to correct his mistake-"Kouska. From Freid. I met her in Hiramaz. She was the one kind enough to take me along here," he gave her a squeeze and smiled warmly down to her, his brown bangs falling into his side-glance. Hitomi felt her heartbeat quicken. It was hard for anyone to ignore just how handsome he truly was.

Alicia smiled widely and, without hesitation, took the surprised Seer in a tight hug, then holding her at arm's length, "I must say, then, that I am in debt to you. We're so glad to have Raoul here, you don't know how long I've waited for him to come back," Raoul gave a small sad smile that Hitomi just barely caught in his eyes. "My name is Alicia Stras, and this is my husband Dmitri Stras," she motioned to the maple-eyed, dark haired man next to her, who bowed to her politely, taking her hand to give a light kiss on the back of it.

"Very pleased to meet you, Lady Kouska."

"Please, just Hitomi." She smiled, a little embarrassed by the etiquette.

Raoul laughed, "Just ignore his formality, Hitomi," clapping Dmitri on the back in a friendly way, "Dmitri here is also known as 'Knight Stras' in the palace."

Hitomi smiled kindly, "I'm glad to meet you both. Raoul's told me how kind you are."

Alicia smirked, "Oh, I'm sure." Raoul chuckled and steered Hitomi indoors. And as she stepped through the hall, she couldn't help but feel slightly taken aback and out of place. She wondered where her own family was right now, what they were doing. Did life continue as always? Would they receive her with such excited enthusiasm? How long was Raoul gone? Did Alicia think about her brother much? Did her parents think about her, on Gaea? She missed them – missed their quirks, their familiar, welcoming hugs. She missed her mother's embrace – one a mother could only give, as if they were made form the same skin. And she couldn't help but wonder when the next would be that she would see her own brother.

Raoul saw the sad longing in Hitomi's eyes. He said nothing, but gave her hand a gentle squeeze, not looking down at her. Hitomi gave him a small thankful smile up to him for support, and he smiled to himself, and directed his attention to his sister.

* * *

"But when will you be back?" Shandra leaned against his arm. 

Van gave an agitated sigh, prying her off of his side, despite her glare. His boots clicked heavily against the stairs. This Princess was definitely past his nerves – she embodied pretty much all he hated in this world. It was lucky for her that Van figured she had an ignorant, bubbly personality, or else he would have definitely broken it off the moment that he saw her. 'Not that I actually could,' he thought cynically, tightening his grip on a leather strap, and running his hand along his horse's face to help calm himself down. He needed to not be upset while he visited his friends in Asturia.

Shandra was standing on the last of the steps leading up to the main hallway of the palace, facing him as he mounted his horse. They stood in the courtyard, with five of the Royal Guard, along with Merle, ready to leave as soon as Van cut off the conversation with Shandra. She looked up at him woefully, as if he were leaving for war.

"I'll be back when the Ceremony is over with."

And he and his guard left without another word, galloping out of the gates.

As they closed, Shandra narrowed her eyes in suspicion. Something was up. Van couldn't just be leaving for the young twins' Birth Ceremony. After asking if she could come along, Van had stiffly declined, wishing to be with his friends alone. After all, he would be the children's Godfather. Shandra, despite her own strong, heated will, had not pressed him further but urged him in all her flaunting ways for him to come back soon.

There was something in the way he addressed her after she so explicitly showed him that side of her that made her shake, almost scared.

But she wouldn't let a man put too much fear in her. She would find out what was going on. Besides, she had things to do and find out. She climbed back up to the main hall, and sent for her personal guard from Hiarmaz.

Julie bowed low to his princess, "Yes, Your Highness?"

Shandra smiled, coming down to meet the dark-eyed gaze of the soldier, "I want to know what's _really_ going on in Asturia."

"You mean the Birth Ceremony?"

"No, there's something else going on – something secretive. I _know_ it. I want you to go to Palas under-cover and see what you can find out."

"Yes, Your Majesty." Julie bowed, his sandy hair falling over his face, and left quietly.

Shandra smirked, and when she was sure the hallway outside of her room was clear, went out and headed towards the library. She wanted to know more about this witch of a Seer, things that the maids couldn't tell her.

After all, one needed to know one's enemy in order to destroy them.

* * *

The Four Fanelian Royal Guard and their King set off at a quick pace, Merle beside them, her mind wracked with thoughts. It had not been easy to send that note to Millerna, and she was very concerned. She hadn't heard from the Queen since, and it had already been a few days. In fact, now that she counted it off in her head, it had been nearly a week! She knew that Millerna was busy – but she always made time for her Fanelian friends, even in the midst of preparing for large events that Asturia was known for – Millerna would always take the time for Merle and Van. It was a connection they could never put aside – comrades till the very end. It was good to have Asturia as a good friend and ally. Merle knew Van had few friends but the people he spent the war with, and knew he needed to see Dryden and Millerna as much as he needed to speak with them, and not just about political matters. 

But what about Hitomi? Was she there with Millerna? Had she given birth to her child in that week? What would happen if Van found out? However much Van needed his friends at this point in his life – Merle didn't want to risk him getting hurt, and had tried to argue against him going since Shandra and Arika were staying in Fanelia. Besides her obviously trying to get Van not to go, she didn't trust the Hiarmaz Royalty at all, and didn't like the thought of them staying in Fanelia without her or Van there. In the end, it backfired on her, because Lord Van, eager to speak with his friends, just got irritated with her, and was past the point of being mad at her when she tried to push the matter further. It had made her depressed and quiet for the rest of the two days they had to prepare. Merle felt like she was trying to hold something together here that wasn't her responsibility, and it was putting a rift between her and her Lord – something she kind of resented Hitomi for. It seemed as if Van knew something wasn't right. Merle hated that feeling – she felt like she was lying to him every time he drifted off into that look. That look that she knew coincided with his deep longing to be with Hitomi, his dreary, stubborn sadness he felt when she knew he was thinking about _her_. Van had even asked her once if she knew the real reason Hitomi wouldn't stay in Gaea. She had lied and told him it was about what she had told him. And even though he was angry with Hitomi for a long time after she left, it seemed he was coming around – as if he knew that was not the logical reason. Then he would doubt her love, doubt himself, and then get vigorously angry and start working like a madman.

Merle shook her head. It was like she was the only one who knew anything that was going wrong – and that she could fix it – could fix his pain, make him stop going down a path where she found him darker, colder, and engrossed in exacting his revenge on Hiarmaz. Merle supposed that Van had blamed the country and the situation his was currently in for his bad run with luck, and had been working non-stop since two days ago to plan out a way to get Fanelia out of Hiarmaz's grip. The planning time wasn't going well, and it showed on his face. Shandra and Arika needed to be out of Fanelia before he could really get to work.

Besides worrying over the Van, she was distinctly concerned for Hitomi's sake. She had been mad before at the Seeress, but Merle did believe in forgiveness, and though she would never feel the same about Hitomi, and most likely never talk or be friends with her like before, she did want the girl to be okay. She was once her friend, and in a world like Gaea, the closeness they all shared by the war would never quite fade. She wondered what life would be like for her and her baby, and when all this blew over if and how she would confront Van. Would she want him to take her back? Would Merle allow it? Hardly. Not with a child that wasn't his. Merle fumed at that. Just thinking about it made her blood boil. When Van focused on Hiarmaz as a scapegoat to blame for everything wrong in his life at present, Merle righteously blamed Hitomi. She had left him _and betrayed him_ when he needed her the most!

However, if anything were to happen to the girl, she knew Van would die. He would never be happy again. Not as if he were now, though, Merle mulled aggravatingly. She sincerely hoped Hitomi was okay – for Van's sake, if nothing else.

"Merle." Van's clear voice brought her out of her thick thought stream as the team paused on the road, waiting for Van.

Van hadn't missed the dangerous glint in Shandra's eyes before he turned to leave. It had remained the same since he met her, the feeling in his gut. She wasn't just a bubbly-headed, talkative brat. She was truly Hiramaz's Princess, and he did not trust her at all. Even her presence in the castle made him nervous. Merle had agreed with fury. He was _almost_ glad for the attacks on Asturia's border – the Princess and her mother would be leaving within the month to return Shandra to her boarding school, and this private emergency meeting of the Alliance, hidden under the gathering of the nobility to the Birth and Naming Ceremony of King Dryden and Queen Millerna's twin sons, would allow him to steal some time away from the two irritating women. Queen Arika had bitingly refused her invitation to the Ceremony, writing that she was 'ill'. Shandra, annoyed, had pleaded to go, but her Mother had refused. It would be improper without Arika there as an escort. Someone else could have gone, but the Queen wanted to have as little to do with Asturian Royalty, especially with the sudden turn events at the Asturian-Hiarmaz borders. Van knew that his own presence there would agitate many representatives at the secret meeting now that he and his country were linked to Hiramaz. But Dryden and Millerna knew what was really going on. Van just had to make sure he convinced the rest of the representatives that he supported Asturia wholly. After all, he would need their support for his own secret plans.

The feline steered her horse so that she was trotting next to him. "Yes, Lord Van?" Her blue eyes looked up at him.

He gave her a stern, serious look, and said quietly, so that only she could hear, "I don't trust Shandra or Lady Arika."

Merle nodded, "I know. I don't, either."

"I know you wanted to come, but I also know that you're concerned about the Hiarmazans, as we all are. I'll need you to be back in Asturia before the Ceremony so things don't look suspicious," Merle furrowed her eyebrows in seriousness, wondering what he was going to ask of her, "but I need you to watch Shandra. She had this look on her face before we left," Van paused, furrowing his brows and his gaze was not locked on hers anymore, he was thinking deeply as he spoke, "I need to know what she's up to."

Merle nodded her head, and was about to rear back to return, when Van looked at her again, worry suddenly in his eyes, and reached out to grab her hand. She looked up, confused. Wasn't he mad at her? "Lord Van-"

"Be careful," he said, with that same look he gave her when he was angry with her. Merle's ears visibly dropped under his intense stare. But then, seeing this, Van's eyes softened, and he added quickly, quietly, "You're all the family I've got left."

She gave him a sad smile, and Van returned it shakily. She peeled off from the group and galloped the opposite way.

Van nodded to his knights, and again continued down the road, fighting time. Van had decided to take the less traveled roads through Hiarmaz, not wanting to go through anywhere populated. They would be roughing it. If they were lucky, they'd get there within the light of the following day. They would not be stopping.

Van and his two most trusted men, Devon and Jakob, exchanged glances. Jakob was the fairer of the two, almost awkward in appearance, blonde with smoke-green eyes; he attracted the attention of many women. What he lacked while holding a sword, he made up with an intense speed and agility, laced with a keen eye and overwhelming library of fact and intellect stored up in his mind. Devon, on the other hand, was strikingly different. He was large man – overpowering, even – and knew how to hold any weapon comfortably. His hair was a rich brown – his eyes small and grey, calculating. He stood strong and immobile, stocky and tall, strikingly opposing Jakob's always relaxed, comfortable stance. He spoke little but had excellent hearing and an easy patience, but was known to act rashly and very violently in dangerous situations, especially in the line of protecting people he cared about. They were loyal to a tee, and Van couldn't have felt safer with them there – he was immensely thankful for his good fortune to have them with him as his right-hand men.

"Let's act natural – go through the formalities, and wait for Merle to return."

Devon and Jakob nodded, and they were off again.

* * *

After some convincing, Dmitri and Alicia had managed to have Hitomi agree to spend the night before she braved her next visit to the castle. They asked few questions and let her keep her reasons to herself, something Hitomi was grateful for. And they were extremely hospitable. Hitomi couldn't have asked for a better place to be. There was something in Alicia that reminded Hitomi of Yukari – so she had instantly felt at home and connected with the woman instantly. Raoul had noticed that almost immediately, and took it with a beaming smile. He was, strangely, feeling very happy that Hitomi was taking to his small family so quickly. 

When their lively conversation had died down after dinner and it was time to call it a night, Raoul led Hitomi up to her room after saying goodnight to his sister and brother-in-law. Hitomi, now feeling very welcomed, had wished him an awkward goodnight and closed the door, leaving him watching the door.

Hitomi stood still for a moment. All of a sudden she was confused. She looked back at the door. And for a moment, all was silent. Then footsteps walked away, and she knew Raoul had been standing there. Here eyes softened in the evening darkness – what was _with_ that man, anyway? He was confusing, but so kind. He was open and frank, but kept his distance too. Not like Van. Van always kept his distance, and hardly ever was open with anyone, showing kindness and affection in small ways, especially if they were in public. Alone, it was a different matter, but…then again, she did love him as he was.

Yes, Raoul had a resemblance of the man she loved in his face, but Hitomi steeled herself. She couldn't allow her heart to rely momentarily on anyone - especially if it was not Van. They had learned to find their inner strength together during the Great War - had learned the difference between dependence and reliance. She had grown, become stronger. She couldn't be comforted - no matter how much Raoul reminded her of the one person, the only person, who had claim to her heart...

"_I won't forget you, Van, even when I'm old!"_

"_No, it was honest, Van, it was you. There's nothing more I could ask for."_

_"I love you too much, Hitomi, and I don't want to lose you."  
_

Those words. Hitomi took a deep breath in, and walked over to the window in the small room, opening the windows to breath. She suddenly felt very sick, and tears welled up in her eyes. Something hard and beating came to her throat, and sh felt like she was plummeting to the ground. That last time, their last interaction together had been so immature and ….insignificant. She'd acted so cold, and he had lost his temper in a dramatic way she'd never experienced before. Had this been okay for him? Had he gotten over it already – did he like the new princess?

Hitomi felt something wet on her thigh. She blinked in confusion, deciding to ignore it.

No – she couldn't feel anything. She look down, it was running down her leg, pooling at her sandals.

Her eyes widened as she looked up, realization hitting her face. "Oh, no, not now." She panicked, felt the pain in her abdomen, "RAOUL!" She shrieked, throwing herself at the door.

Raoul didn't bother knocking or anything. He burst into the room, his face all worry as he locked gazes with her, her leaning against the wall. "Hitomi…" They heard Alicia and Dmitri climbing the stairs.

"Raoul, we must go to Millerna."

"The castle? Hitomi, it's really late, its about to rain." He looked at her as if she had lost it.

"Raoul, no," Hitomi said desperately, her tears falling now easily as thoughts of Van and the baby and the birth and how scared she was crammed and clouded and crushed her mind and reason, "Listen! My water broke! We HAVE to get to Millerna! We have to go to the castle!"

"Hitomi!" Alicia and Dmitri had arrived, and the red-head was immediately by the teen's side, and realized with anxiety just exactly what was going on, "We need to get her to a nurse. Now." Alicia commanded. Raoul looked upset and Dmitri just seemed like he felt useless. "Dmitri!" Alicia snapped, "Go get the carriage!"

"NO!" Hitomi almost screamed, making herself unmovable in Raoul's arms, and thoughts of Van's draconian blood flooded her mind, "No, no, it's too dangerous. I don't know what will happen. Millerna's the only one. She won't be afraid."

"Hitomi!" Raoul looked exasperated, he didn't understand. Hitomi closed her eyes in frustration. No one would be able to except those that knew her and Van personally.

"No, just forget it!" Alicia shouted, seeing Hitomi's scared eyes, and Dmitri paused at the door. "We'll take her to the castle. Raoul, go get the carriage! Dmitri, darling, you'll have to go ahead in the storm, I'm sorry – you have standing, you can alert someone."

"Dmitri…" Hitomi gasped, and called him over as Alicia helped her down the stairwell, "Tell them…"-she paused, looking at him in the eyes- "tell them it's Hitomi Kanzaki. They won't turn away this time. Kanzaki, you got it?"

Dmitri's eyes widened the size of saucers, and he opened his mouth blankly. Alicia almost tripped them on the last step. Dmitri didn't say a word for a moment.

Hitomi looked at them apologetically. Raoul gritted his teeth. No one was moving! "GO!" Raoul bellowed, shoving him out the door.

"Seer…" Alicia murmured in amazement, pulling Hitomi up.

Hitomi smiled weakly, "I'm sorry for lying…but I had to. This is a crucial thing…"

"Don't worry about explaining yourself to me. You just need to calm down."

Hitomi took a big breath. It was still early, and she wouldn't be going into hard labor for a while. They walked outside. Thunder was roaring. Hitomi was piled into the carriage with the siblings as the rudely awoken driver urged the team of horses on. Dmitri could be seen riding off in front of them, quickly putting space between them.

Hitomi hazily looked up over the castle, and only thought of Van. "Rain clouds…" She whispered, as if in a haze. All Alicia could manage was a questioning glance at Raoul.

He only deepened his expression and kept his eyes on Hitomi.

* * *

Millerna and Dryden had spent the rest of the day together. By the late hour, Millerna had curled up alongside her husband, finally relaxed and in a clearer mind. They were sitting on a couch in front of their fireplace in their apartments in the castle, Dryden reading by candlelight with his wife and Queen beside him, very awake but with her eyes closed, nonetheless. The rain had started just a moment before, and was soothingly beating against the roof. Dryden kept one arm around Millerna, almost to simply reassure himself of the reunited connection. And despite the pain of the world and politics surrounding them once again, he was glad to have this moment with her. 

Unfortunately, to his great displeasure, that was about to be _seriously_ interrupted.

The muffled yells could be heard behind their doors and wall to their right, "Move! I must speak with the Queen immediately!"

"S-sir Dmitri, Their Majesties have retired for the evening…" A sputtering guard could be heard in response.

Millerna opened her eyes and looked up at Dryden, who had an angry but worried look on his face. He seemed to be on a short fuse lately. Dryden hadn't been his relaxed, easy person the minute he had taken up the responsibilities as King. She missed the light-hearted, joking Dryden she fell in love with. She grabbed her robe and wrapped it around her as the Asturian King made his way to the door.

When he opened it, he found a very breathless and serious Sir Dmitri Astras, who immediately bowed low but short, and looked up at the King with a very worried expression. Dryden's annoyance subsided when he saw his knight's grave expression.

"Sir Dmitri…what's going on?"

"The Queen. I was sent for the Queen."

"Yes, Sir, I am here," Millerna's regal form came out behind Dryden, her hand on her husband's shoulder as she gave the knight a nod. "Who has sent you, and why do you look as if the Gods themselves are after you?"

"It's Hitomi-" he gasped for a breath, "Hitomi Kanzaki."

Both Dryden and Millerna's jaws dropped at the mention of the girl's name. Dryden took Dmitri's shoulders and looked him squarely in the eye. "What's happened to her? What's wrong?"

Dmitri looked at Millerna instead, "She's asked to come and get you, Milady. She's in labor. She'll be here shortly."

Millerna gasped in shock, covering her mouth as she and Dryden exchanged meaningful, but confused looks. All at once, the castle seemed to light up and become busy as another messenger came running down the hall, and Dmitri, Dryden, Millerna, and their guards turned to him. He saw all of their expectant gazes and bowed awkwardly, an etiquette so unnecessary at the time, "It's a Lady Hitomi Kouska of Freid to see you both, Your Highnesses, in the main hall. At once!"

"Get her to my private medical rooms!" Millerna ordered. "I will be there prepared."

"Kouska!" Dryden said, "She's the one from this morning! Arnold never mentioned 'Hitomi'! That retarded imp…wait! WHY is Hitomi pregnant?"

Millerna was busy flailing about in a chest, trying to find her scrubs dress, "Questions later, Dryden, we've got a laboring woman on our hands!" And before Dryden could say anything, she was peeling off her clothes to get in her scrubs. With a dark flush as he noticed the other men gaping, he realized the door was still open. He slammed it promptly, not getting a response from his wife, who was usually easily spooked. He watched her, and she had that determination in her eyes, that look of purpose she only discovered when she was trying to save someone's life, mending a cut, being a doctor. Within seconds she was flying out the door, leaving the other men to only follow.

* * *

Meanwhile, Raoul, Alicia, and the messenger were helping Hitomi to 'Queen Millerna's Medical rooms'. They arrived and saw Millerna coming swiftly down a flight of stairs not too far off in the large hall. Hitomi smiled at her old friend as she bombarded Hitomi with a tight hug, enveloping the green-eyed girl with her warm arms and blonde, blonde hair. Hitomi had missed her. 

"Millerna, I-"

Millerna cut her off with a smile and led her inside the white-stucco, clean-as-bleach room, "Explanations much later, dear, we've got a baby to deliver."

"No. Millerna. It's…it's…" Hitomi looked around nervously at all the people. Millerna seemed to understand.

"Everyone out! Go sit outside! I don't need you in here right now. Messenger!" He came up to her side, bowed, "Go find my doctors. Get a nurse-maid, a midwife. Have them here immediately. Dryden, get the head nurse, tell her what's going on, she'll know what we need. Astras," The family looked up, "Please be patient." She smiled. Hitomi felt winded. God, the woman knew how to take charge. Millerna ushered Hitomi to the bed and Hitomi grasped her friend's arms and bore her eyes into Millerna's.

When everyone had scampered out, Hitomi evened her breathing.

"Millerna, you know about Van-"

"Is it his?" Millerna interrupted her with the question - as if expecting it. Hitomi cringed but she didn't see judging eyes.

"Yes."

Millerna sighed. It had been her first guess. "Oh, dear."

"Oh, dear is right. But what I mean, I'm asing you if you know..." Hitomi was trying to find courage. Van had hardly told anyone, and had only revealed his secret to her because she was in a fatal situation! She felt like she was betraying him. What if Millerna didn't know? Hitomi set her resolve. She was going to have a draconian child! Her doctor had to know! That was why she came here in the first place!

"Hitomi.." Millerna's worried eyes searched the Seeress' grave and silent expression.

Hitomi found her voice, "If you know that Van is a draconian."

"Yes, Hitomi, I know - he told us shortly after you left. So I guess that means your chlid will have draconian blood?" Millerna asked, but was slightly confused.

Hitomi knew now that Millerna hadn't realized what that would entail. "Millerna. Listen. This is going to be VERY hard on me." Hitomi looked up, and her friend saw her supreme fear, "This child will be born with the bones for wings. I know I'm going to be hurt. We need to be prepared for this. There are no draconian women here to help us."

Millerna gulped, but grasped Hitomi's clammy hand in reassurance. She had forgotten about that - the thing that denoted their heritage! But Millerna would see it through: "If anyone can do it," she smiled, "It's you and me."

Tears were brimming in Hitomi's eyes, and she felt overwhelingly thankful for the woman in front of her for being in her life. And she thought of was Van's deep, red, comforting eyes, and how they would not be here to witness his own child's birth.

"Van will be here in no less than a half a day," Millerna said, as if she knew what was going through her frien's mind, "He's coming for the Birth Ceremony for my children." Millerna smiled at Hitomi's shock, "He'll be here for you," Hitomi choked on a sob, and Millerna didn't understand, "You can join in on the Birth Ceremony!" she tried to comfort her, "I know you aren't married, but-"

"No, Millerna, no." Hitomi cried softly. "No, he mustn't know, for the sake that is all good in Fanelia – he can never know. Millerna, you must swear." She sobbed, "He can't know."

Millerna was stricken, trying to hold Hitomi in her weakening, distraught state. What WAS this? What had happened to the girl from the Mystic Moon? How could Van NOT know? Hundreds of questions whizzed through her senses. But Hitomi's sobs rang through them and she put a trembling hand on Hitomi's forehead, smoothing her bangs and trying to calm both of them, "Okay, shhh, don't cry. We can do this. I swear, Hitomi. I swear. He won't know. It's okay, shhhhh…"

And the nurses came in.

* * *

WHEW…..Oh, lordy lord. Now, you've GOT to review after something like that! 

Love,

Cev


	18. Azin

**Disclaimer: See Chp 1.

* * *

**

**Sing a Lullaby**

**By Cev**

**Chapter Sixteen: Azin

* * *

**

Pacing.

That was about as much as Raoul and the others knew how to do on that stormy night.

Dryden sat behind his desk, the super-high-back chair looming over the brown-haired man as the Astras family and Raoul Cordal, some man Dryden had never seen, glanced nervously around the room.

The clock's ticking above the hearth was their only reminder of time – gasps of women, running about, "More hot water!" – "Towels!" - "Give her room to breathe, Goddamnit!" pierced an eerie silence, making them nervous.

Raoul was sitting in one of Dryden's chairs, his hands clutching at his hair as he stared blankly in front of him, his head turning abruptly at any sound. His sister, as Dryden was introduced, Alicia, was sitting with Sir Dmitri on the bench in front of the hearth. She was trying to reassure her distraught brother, but not having much luck.

Dryden nervously picked at a piece of parchment. Wasn't Hitomi supposed to be screaming bloody murder? What was going on? The scene worried Dryden –the fact that Hitomi seemed to be losing a lot of blood, as was last reported, was not comforting to anyone, either. However, he had just recently gone through the exact same ordeal with Millerna. Dryden knew Hitomi was strong – and not just physically. She was back on Gaea, right? There had to be a good reason – and fortune would not allow the young Seeress to die in childbirth.

Right?

Childbirth.

How UNEXPECTED was this! Dryden knew that with Hitomi and Van's intensifying relationship, especially after those rumors of their supposed 'engagement' on Van's birthday just last year, he would see the girl soon, but he had not thought that this would ever be possible! She was sixteen – extremely young, and extremely….Hitomi. This was not something that he expected from the Hitomi he knew from the Great War! And just whose child was it fathered by? Van? Dryden inwardly scoffed at the idea. Although it was known that Van and Hitomi's love was deep and strong – they were still immature, and Van was very young, inexperienced, and deeply shy. He was a sheltered Royal, after all. Was it this Raoul man? His eyes narrowed at that thought. No, Hitomi wouldn't do that to Van. Would she? Weird things had always happened when it came to Hitomi. Dryden sighed and rubbed his temples, pushing his glasses up to relieve his long nose from their weight.

The merchant-King looked up at the clock.

Two hours.

From down the corridor, shouts and orders were being intensified.

And morning felt like eons from now, and the long talk he had with Millerna that day, only hours previously, seemed like centuries ago. Things were happening fast, as it always seemed with Hitomi around.

Dryden pulled out a quill and parchment. He needed to document this…

_Black, 8th moon…_

* * *

Hitomi fell back into the bed dumbly, her eyes red and dry, cried out. Her limbs screamed their exhaustion, and she felt the thickness of blood coating her thighs. Her sobs were dry, conjoined with a sharp cry that replaced all orders, all shouts, all bouts of pain. Her face, twisted in agony, turned away from her nurses as she silently gave a praise to God…it was all over.

She felt woozy, and weak. There was blood everywhere, and simply just an overwhelming feeling of gratitude that it was over with. Her mind was clouded and she couldn't seem to grasp onto the pain that she endured just an hour ago. What was so incredibly tortuous? She didn't understand, as if there was something blocking her mind from remembering how it felt, like the dulled memory of how excruciating it is to run a marathon. A soft woman's voice interrupted Hitomi's rambling thoughts:

"Lady Hitomi," a grateful smile in her eyes – for so often on Gaea was childbirth a risky business- "It's a boy."

Her heart beating and pumping loudly in her mind, the green-eyed girl smiled. The nurse was looking at her, tears in her eyes. Why was the woman crying? "I think something's wrong with the boy's back, some strange growth, as if he's disproportioned, but he looks and acts healthy – that is the most important thing to remember."

She dismissed the statement, as if not even hearing it. She, unconsciously, understood – there was nothing to worry about. In her blurry eyes she made out among the blood-soaked blankets a tiny face, alien-like, twisted in crying. Hitomi gave a choked laugh in her exhausted state, remembering her mother once telling her how she thought new-born babies were the ugliest thing she ever saw. The eyes were closed, it would be awhile before she could see her son's bright eyes…

Hitomi reached out a shaking hand and placed it on the child's forehead. It was so small…

And then, suddenly it went silent, and the boy stopped crying. He gurgled some indiscriminate noises, and then, the nurses said, he had fallen asleep – tired as well.

The rain brought reality in.

Her son.

Van's son.

Life – a person. Bones, a brain, thinking, feeling, emotionally clad with a soul and with _wings_. This was HER SON!

"Hitomi-" Millerna's bright violet eyes were wet, too, somehow locking in with eh hazy Hitomi, "have you thought of a name?"

"Rain clouds…" Hitomi murmured, looking out the window, her mind reveling in such pride and love and undeniably world-shattering realizations, the tiniest things of life seemed to be a perfect distraction, a way to sane her overwhelming heart.

"Hitomi?" Millerna was very worried. She seemed to be in a different world! Empty, almost!

It was true. Hitomi's mind was muddled and exhausted, and Millerna should have saved the question for later. Despite her joy, the new mother only felt despair, a disappointment. A miracle of life! A bundle of life – from HER body…and his father wasn't there to cry with her. Van. His name meant "clouds", right?

There were rain clouds outside.

She remembered a name from long ago – a story of a boy in a piece of Asian literature. "M….." Hitomi's mouth moved little, and she looked like she was forcing the word out – as if it took the power of a thousand painful suns to move her lips, "….azin."

"Azin?" Millerna had mistook the "m" as a sound of pain. That was a strange name! _Was it from the Mystic Moon? _The Queen wondered.

"Azin." Hitomi said dreamily, not realizing the mistake, and her hand slipped off of the child as the nurse and Millerna exchanged worried glances.

"Hitomi!"

She felt like floating. Floating down and down into a painful release. Hitomi felt empty. How much blood had she lost? Darkness clouded her eyes. Red, red, red, and sticky…

Sweat beaded across Millerna's forehead as Hitomi went unconscious and the young Queen double-inspected the girl. Hitomi had held in her screams…only shuddering and gasping, breathing deeply and sporadically. She had made little noise, surprisingly. But she had delivered the child! Millerna knew something was wrong during the whole ordeal. When she lifted the sheets around her legs again and inspected more closely, she went pale. "Go wake up the High Healer from the temple," Millerna said hastily to a nearby maid who was holding some bloodied blankets, "Hitomi needs to go into surgery, now!"

The tired maid stood up straight as an arrow, "Yes Ma'am!" And she scampered out of the room, running down the corridors.

The nurse on the other side of the bed who had the newborn lookd stricken and didn't know what to do.

"Go get Azin cleaned up," Millerna ordered softly, the name foreign on her lips but endearing. Hitomi and she would be experiencing the new-mother thing at the same time. Despite the serious situation at hand, Millerna couldn't help but feel excited. "And have Arnold get someone to try to get her and Azin a room near Dryden and mine's apartments." The nurse nodded and turned to leave but Millerna stopped her. As the nurse-maid stopped, Millerna motioned another girl over, who had not done much but waiting for orders, "Ayla, please go with her and watch of the baby when she's through, allow her to rest. I'll have the twin's nanny look after him after tonight, but for now I'll have to leave it to you two."

The nurses smiled nervously and bowed, and left quickly.

Millerna sighed and laid a moist cold towel across the woman's forehead, "Hang on, Hitomi, you can't die! You've got a lot of things to do!"

"Van…" Hitomi murmured, tears gathering in her eyes. Oh, how she would die to see him now! For his comforting, soft, easy smiles, his strong but kind aura, anything, anything at all!

"Van!"

Her desparate, delusional voice gained decibals:

* * *

"_**VAN!"**_

Amber eyes popped open, and King Van's head snapped up. He pulled the reins unexpectedly, and something in his chest burned. The horse reared back, neighing loudly in protest. He backed up, the horse reared.

"Your majesty!"

But Jakob's voice clouded Van's ears as his back bent unnaturally, "Terra!" Van yelled in surprise, as if the horse would calm with his master's cry. Van's boots slid off of the stirrups - his leg twisting - causing the young Royal to hit the mud with a sucking plop, his shoulder wrenched to the side.

"Lord Van!" The knights doubled backed sharply, gathering around their King as the raven-haired man pulled himself up sourly, his expression not one of pain but dazed confusion, his face as pale as the Mystic Moon.

"Lord Van…" Devon put his large gloved hands on Van's shoulders, "What happened?"

Van waved his companions off of him, wiping the mud from his clothes, "Someone get Terra."

"I've got him, my King," a guard said, pulling the lead rope of Van's now skittish horse.

Van rolled his shoulders and grimaced at the pains in his legs that had been caught. "Damn…what WAS that?" He gingerly took his forehead in his hands. He had heard someone call his name. No, not just someone:

_Hitomi…_

But that didn't make any sense! He hadn't heard her thoughts for over six months!

"Lord Van, are you all right? Are you hurt? Do you feel nauseous?" The medical guard quickened over the Van's side, looking him straight in the eyes for a concussion.

"I'm fine, Deidre. I just fell off."

Devon and Jakob exchanged meaningful glances. Their Lord falling from Terra, who was usually calmer and more obedient than most beasts of burden!

Van sighed, "Don't think too much about it," He eased up to standing, stretching his muscles with closed eyes, trying to subdue the pain. It seems he had pulled a few muscles… "Something must have spooked Terra."

"I suppose." Jakob knot his brows together. Something just didn't feel right. "Are you sure you're okay, My Lord?"

Van held up a hand, "I'll have Millerna look me over, we need to get moving."

Careful to smooth Terra's nerves down with a comforting touch, Van's muddled mind somehow mechanically forced him up his mount with another shot of pain, and they were off again.

_Hitomi_, Van thought, trying but failing to focus on getting through the Palas streets as quickly as possible to get his company out of the rain, his worry surmounting his promise to himself to **not** think of the girl who had left him, _what's going on with you?_

* * *

"What's going on?" Raoul demanded. The whole waiting party had jumped to their feet as a knock on the door announced a meek-looking maid, her apron splattered with drying blood. Dryden had bolted up, but Raoul had beaten him to the punch.

Alicia looked at her brother with slight amazement. She had never seen him so bent out of shape! He always kept his cool – even in the most trying situations – even when SHE had been deathly ill once years back. Dmitri, sensing his wife's worry, gently squeezed her hand as they waited for the young maid to gather her courage.

"I'm sorry, Milord, but the Lady's in surgery with the Queen. She was doing well at first-" the young woman paused, unsure how to break the news-

Raoul felt his heart drop below his feet. Was he crushing it there on the floor under his boot?

"The Queen was able to stop the bleeding and the operation was a success. She should be fine, but her vital signs are getting weaker. It's like…well, it's like,"

"She's lost the will to live." Dryden finished as the lady could not finished, her face red.

"Raoul, brother…" Alicia took him by the arms. His brown hair shadowed his face, features marked by pain.

Before he could be shocked with sadness, Dryden narrowed his eyes, his mind calculating, overpowering his worry for Hitomi at the moment. There was just something not right with all of this. Now why would Hitomi Kanzaki, the Goddess from the Mystic Moon, one of the strongest, most hard-headed women Dryden had ever met (minus Millerna), simply give up on life like that? Dryden drew himself up to full height, and the commanding nature of a King that he had to mold into came out strongly, "Thank you, Calia." Dryden nodded curtly to the maid, who left quickly and quietly, not wanting to spend any more time in that anxious room.

"Raoul." Dryden's voice was commanding, questioning.

The young man lifted his face towards his King, no saying a word.

In his heart, Dryden already knew the answer to the question he was about to ask, but with steely eyes, boring through his small glasses, he could not take the chance of leaving any unanswered queries, "Are you the father of this child?"

Raoul, his face first marked with confusion, frowned deeply, looking straight back at the brown-haired man before him. He opened his mouth to answer, but closed it again. How he wished he could say yes!

"RAOUL!" Dryden commanded, his patience narrowing as he felt the seconds tick away what was left of his friend's dying will. This was no time for hesitation!

"No." Raoul said quietly – but firmly, "No, I am not."

"Then who?"

Raoul knew who. Hitomi had made it quite clear. And really, who else could it be? Dryden knew this. He knew the answer. But he needed words, he needed facts – just as any true businessman, any merchant as himself – it was how the man worked.

Raoul was ablaze with questions and cold with fear for Hitomi. Could he tell King Fassa? What would Hitomi say? Then again – would she live? Raoul knew why – but couldn't she live for another life? For her son? Would she only love the King of Fanelia? Raoul's tears caught in his eyes – he didn't want them to fall.

And just as he was about to speak again, a thundering of boots came down the hall towards Dryden's study.

The doors opened and Dryden immediately recognized the front man – a young, taller version of the red-eyed King he not yet seen since the end of the war.

And Dryden calmly answered his own question:

"Van."

His black hair as wild as ever, soaked to the bone, swathed with mud, and serious-as-ever, Van Slanzar de Fanel stood tall but still out-heightened by five imposing, older men standing behind him, all equally drenched. His dark, tanned skin nearly blended into his black cloak as the young King managed a bow to his friend. "I apologize, Lord Dryden," Van gave a slight smirk as Dryden rolled his eyes, but returned to his serious visage as he walked up to the desk of his old comrade – who, though teased him to no end, and wrote that damn book – was still a kindred spirit in the recent war, "but the storm's only getting worse and my Guard insist on staying with me. I had to see you immediately…when we were coming here," Van spotted speaking and looked apprehensively at his guard, who now leaned in, interested. Van was speaking swiftly and hadn't noticed anyone around him, but now he clearly saw that they were not alone.

"Van, you've come at a very…bad time. Well, it may be good timing, I'm not sure." Dryden came around from his spot next to Raoul. "You may, in fact, have just saved someone's life." He added mysteriously.

Raoul, Alicia, and Dmitri stood speechless, staring at the young King of Fanelia and his guard. Raoul wore a look of lost determination – but his mind was made up. Hitomi had to live!

He stepped forth in Fanel's view. "King Fanel," He addressed him stiffly, and Van looked to his left at the man who had bowed low to him, unused to such forthwith introduction, "My name is Raoul Cordal. You must go see-"

"Lord Cordal," Dryden boomed, unnaturally irritated, his unknown temper flaring. Van's eyebrows raised in surprise. He had never seen Dryden raise his voice before. "This is now a personal issue that you and your family can do little for. I invite you to stay in the guest quarters for the moment, but I must ask you to make yourself scarce around the Lady in the next few days. And by that, I mean not seeing her unless I give permission."

Raoul's argument surged in his throat, but before his indignation could bubble up, Alicia's sense came to the rescue as she realized what was going on.

" 'The Lady', Dryden?" Van asked, now completely confused.

He was ignored. "Yes, Milord, thank you for your hospitality," Alicia rushed, curtseying quickly and pulling her heated brother out of the room with Dmitri at his other arm, forcing the fuming man out.

"Dryden," Van said evenly, now more than confused and all of the recent events pulling his brain in all different direction. What Lady was this? Was it _who_ he thought? That was impossible! But there was no mistaking that _something_ was wrong. What about that incident on the road? And who was this Raoul man? For some reason, Van felt like he should be mad at him, too. His Kingly pride and strong head came forth, "WHAT is going on? Tell me!"

Dryden was calm now, his impatience now gone, but still felt the need to hurry. _No hesitancy_, he reminded himself. "It's Hitomi, Van. There's something terribly wrong. You must come with me."

Van stumbled back, the words hitting him like a sword in the chest, _physically_ pushing him back. "_WHAT?_"

Dryden took his young friend by the elbow, handling him in a not-so-Royally-respectful way, taking him past his Guard, who merely looked on, flabbergasted as to what to do.

"Lord Van!" Jakob's reasonable voice cut through the raven-haired boy's confusion.

"Go away for now!" Van barked, "I've got something important to do!"

"Oh, yes, you DO." Dryden said, and steered him down to the medical rooms.

* * *

**I'm SOOOO sorry. I know – I KNOW! Please don't kill me. Just leave a review! Hehehe…..okay, really, I just really wanted to get this out to y'all. You've been waiting so patiently. I'll try to update again soon! Thanks, guys! You're the best! ;)**

**Love,**

**Cev**


	19. Revived

Disclaimer: See chapter one

* * *

Sing a Lullaby

By Cev

Chapter Seventeen: Revived

* * *

The rush of blood in her ears was softening, weakening and slowing down with her heart. It was lulling her – not to sleep, but to a sort of half-conscious awareness. And the only thing her tired mind could think of was that she was alone. Perhaps if she could have realized that, in that room, she did have support from her old friends, even if they weren't Van, they did love her. Perhaps if she could have thought of her baby boy - and how he needed her. But after 14 hours of hard labor and heavy bleeding, and having to battle through it without that significant other, without Van - Hitomi felt little hope was left for the rest of her life. She didn't believe that she live the rest of her life with him, without his love or gentle, quiet strength. His comforting voice. 

"_Hitomi…"_

Tears slipped out of her already blurry eyes, and she closed them, too exhausted to gather her courage and fight. She didn't even think of her son, or Millerna. There would be no denying later in her life that she was in a state of selfish existence at that moment, but Hitomi cared little, and was absorbed in her depression. She couldn't think of raising a child in a world she still didn't quite understand, she couldn't quite comprehend being denied that life with Van she had been promised eight and a half months ago.

Where was fate in all of this?, she thought, momentarily brought back to the question she thought she'd solved almost two years ago. Why did it have to be them, again? Why was it them that suffered so misfortune?

"Hitomi?"

How could she go back, knowing that she could not, ever, be with Van? "It's not worth it…." She cracked, her voice dry and raspy, "It's not worth it without…"

"Hitomi!"

"…Without him." And her sobs were dry and weak from complete lack of energy.

Van watched the girl with dark, puzzled eyes. Every time he'd reach for her, she'd twist away from his grasp, shivering. How was he to make her understand that he was there, when she wasn't even aware of the world around her?

"What's wrong with her, Millerna?" Van kept his eyes on Hitomi while he spoke to the queen.

Millerna fidgeted nervously at the door frame, Dryden sitting in a chair by her, his arms crossed. They looked at each other for a brief moment. Dryden shook his head, and Millerna bit her bottom lip.

Millerna figured Van would surely run out of patience while she tried to come up with an answer, but he didn't say a word, and fixed his gaze on the girl from the Mystic Moon. The young queen came up behind Van, and sat at the foot of Hitomi's cot.

"She came here for my help," Millerna began slowly, watching Van watch Hitomi. She looked out the window that Hitomi had been so intent on watching earlier. The rain was letting up. "She was, for lack of a better term, unwell." Millerna stood and faced away from Van's questioning gaze, biting her thumbnail.

Van's red eyes narrowed in on the Asturian queen, and turned his gaze to Dryden. "And now?" He asked coolly, "What is she _now_, if she _was_, as you put it, 'unwell'?"

"As I have heard it," Dryden said calmly, aware but uncaring of Van's temper when things happened that the boy didn't understand, "the operation went well, but Kanzaki seems to have some stressed psychosis, or perhaps severe depression, and it is hindering her ability to wake up from this fever she's contracted after the surgery."

Millerna glared at Dryden, disliking the calculated answer he had given their friend. Dryden gave a tired, unsure shrug, his eyes furrowing together, his face appealing to Millerna. He didn't want to upset anyone or seem cold, but this situation was out of their judgment, and he didn't want to have anything to do with explaining Hitomi. The only one who should do that was currently dying, for all he knew. The only thing he was counting on was that Van's presence would bring Hitomi back, and that they could settle their affairs. They had a secret war going, and Dryden knew well enough that if Hitomi and Van were side-by-side, anything was possible. Those were simple terms to him.

Millerna was quick to come up with a better explanation, though she doubted Van really wanted to hear what she had to say. The young man was on guard, and didn't seem pleased with either of them at the moment. "Her health should be fine now, but it's her mental state that bringing her down. She very sad, Van."

Van looked distressed, and turned his head back to Hitomi.

"She keeps on calling for you. I think that's why she's unwilling to get any better. You can't force a body to heal if it doesn't want to – and if that person's will has no hope."

_That_ caught Van's attention. But it didn't make any sense! Hadn't she left him of her own accord? Why was she back? What had happened so terribly that her own healers on the Mystic Moon couldn't fix? This just made him even more confused than when she left. He sighed heavily, taking one of Hitomi's white hands. "I'll try," he said, his voice very low. He looked up to Dryden and Millerna, his eyes filled with that quiet determination.

Millerna nodded, confident in Van, and left the white room. Dryden gave a short bow, "I'll take care of your men. A maid will bring you something to eat."

Van nodded, thanking his fellow King quietly, stripped himself of his wet cloak, and came back to the cot, taking Hitomi's hand again. Whether it would be one long night or five he didn't know, but he thought of little else as he waited by her bedside.

* * *

Merle had taken the back way through the cliffs to get back to the palace undetected. From her high vantage point she could see the whole capitol. Having become very familiar with these routes from recent reconnaissance work she'd been involved in within the past months for her King, she had learned in a very short amount of time how to move, watch, and listen without being seen or heard. Merle, an intelligent, flexible cat-person, had taken to the work very well, had been assigned several short but important missions from Van even though he had a secret service at his command. It had been the beginnings of his counteraction to Hiarmaz. 

Now, Merle was glad for her crammed training. She had left her horse at a large, secret Second Royal stable at the top of the cliffs – a place specially reserved for occasions such as these, or where a bad situation called for a quick back-yard exit for the royal household.

Merle scampered across the catacombs in the waning light of twilight, intent of spying on the Princess when her subject would think herself alone. Merle was interested on finding out how Shandra acted when they weren't around to make her keep her tongue – or actions – in check.

But those plans were redrawn when she saw a suspicious shadow creeping across the courtyard shadows and into the First Royal stable. Sneaking around the heavy watchmen on guard – Van had made sure to keep his country safe in the hands of his generals while he was away – Merle crept around a tower's edge to see better in the night. Her cat eyes focusing, she saw that the man was Julie, a Hiarmaz soldier and Princess Shandra's personal guard. Merle quickly made her way down to the courtyard and on top of the stable roof, climbing into the loft and peeking over the hay, all with the silence of the dead – her thick fur absorbing any sound. By the time she had gotten the better view, the soldier had slung his saddlebags over his horse and was leading the mare out into the gates, disguised as a Fanelian Royal messenger! Merle narrowed her eyes. He was up to something – and she was damned sure that it was all because of Shandra.

The change of plan was abrupt – but urgent. She was glad that her horse had already been packed for a long trip. With inhuman speed, because she was, in fact, not a human, Merle raced back for the cliffs, slinking swiftly from shadow to shadow as she burst into the Second Stable, taking her horse and leaving the stable hand, Karl, a wide, burly solider who was especially akin to horses and specifically put into the Second, utterly confused and very worried. Merle didn't care to explain herself or ask Karl to keep his mouth shut. Keeping things secret was the man's job. She prompted Stefan, her stallion, for speed with two nudges in his sides. He burst off like an avalanche out of the corral of the Second, and they were headed for the secret path down the vertical slopes of the cliffs. It took them a good ten minutes to clear the path before Merle was galloping into the forest.

She lay low outside the city gates, watching them with an anxiety she never knew her bones could posses. She had figured that it would take Julie a while to get out of the castle gates, and then navigate through the bustling nightlife of downtown Fanelia to get to the outer city walls. The capital had grown immensely and it took quite a while to get out – especially if the princess' soldier was taking the Southern gate, where the road to reach Asturia coincided. But that was only IF Julie was headed out that way. Merle was suspicious that Shandra might have been silly enough to try to send out a spy. With a cold fear, Merle wondered what else the princess could know between the palace walls. And how many other Hiarmaz spies were out there, in the city, in the castle? Merle reminded herself to go over the servant's wing and soldiers – and make sure there weren't any foreign people working inside the palace where they could get close to any of the important palace-dwellers.

For now she forced that fear out of her mind – there was no use worrying about it when she had a mission to do. She sat nervously waiting for Julie to take his exit. The doors would have to open to let him out. She was distraught when twenty minutes passed and he still hadn't showed. What if her intuition was wrong? What if he exited somewhere else and was taking an indirect route? What if –

Before she could finish her self-demonishing thought, the gates creaked open only enough to allow a messenger through – one that bounded out of the gate and shot off into the night as soon as he was clear. Merle's eyes zoomed in on the rider and confirmed that it was, indeed, the solider Julie. Her mind cleared. Taking her mount by the reins and galloping into a large deer path that went along the road, braches ad twig scratching her skin, Merle steeled herself for a tough ride. Her horse barreled through as if he knew the urgency and importance.

The deer path led to a valley that opened up a short-cut to the Fifth secret command post of the border of Fanelia and Hiarmaz. To all but the King's Secret Society it looked like a run-down Temple, and was thought little of, but Merle better, and would drop off Stefan in the stables. His hard hoof prints would not be useful for following Julie. She would have to hurry. She was, by her calculations, already ahead of Shandra's soldier by taking her short cut, but would not have time to waste. She would be quiet, quick, and unseen as Julie passed through his country. If he headed to the castle she'd have to intercept him and bring him down of her own accord. Merle was an excellent fighter with her claws, and had her race's surprising strength, but she was no weapons master as Hiarmaz soldiers were known for. She was counting on that he would keep his 'Fanelian messenger' act and try to go unseen through Hiarmaz and head towards Asturia.

Her whole body was an anxious pile of nerves, aware of all these unknown plans bubbling on Hiarmaz's surface. Not knowing what was going to happen was unnerving – but it was her mission to find out what Shandra was up to, and, subsequently, what Julie was. She urged her horse faster as she crossed the valley.

* * *

Van was panicking. As he held Hitomi's hand, he could feel her pulse slowing with his fingertips. He was unsure at first, and held on for a while, wanting to make certain that it wasn't just his imagination. He timed it. Her heart was stopping! 

He dropped her hand, his own fingers shaking. He ran to the door, opening it quickly. Immediately a startling, shaking maid was at his side.

"My lord…?" She squeaked, trying not to sound frightened.

"Where is Millerna?" Van demanded, his eyes fierce.

"M-M-My lady is in the library w-with My Lord Dryden," she sputtered, "Shall I request her to come to Lady Hitomi?"

"Yes, hurry!" Van urged, his temper flaring. Time was running out!

"Yes, my lord." She said, giving him a short bow.

"Don't bow, idiot! Get the Queen, NOW!" Van bellowed. The maid ran off, his orders or temper, Van didn't care which one, making her run towards the library.

Van turned back to Hitomi, checking her pulse again at her neck. It had stopped! Her heart had stopped beating!

"Oh, Gods…" Van's eyes widened – he was on the verge of losing it. Choking down a cry and trying to ease his nerves, a process that he was accustomed to, he picked Hitomi up and placed her on the hard surface of the tile floor. It was cold, he noted with fear, but her body was growing colder. His face was red – his eyes starting to strain. He had to do this!

He remembered when he had once used CPR on Hitomi before – in the Freidan dungeon, almost 2 years ago. It's not Hitomi, he told himself, fighting his shaking nerves, trying to settle his hands. It's a soldier – a page – a nurse – someone who needs my help. Just someone who needs my help. Somehow – he wasn't sure how – but a rain shower suddenly came over him and colled his nerves. With a stone face he tore her bloodied white tunic open at her torso. He raised her arm and placed his knee next to her armpit, the other knee a comfortable distance away, and leaned over her. Unfased by her nudity, Van ran his hand up the bottom of her ribcage to find her solarplex. 'Three fingers above the solarplex – right hand in a fist,' he repeated the motions in his head in his hands. He braced himself – then, with a sudden burst of panic, he frantically made sure her head was propped up correctly. Just as he resumed his position, Millerna burst through the door.

"Van! What's happened?"

He didn't look at her. He focused in on Hitomi's chest. His braced his arms, and pumped.

Millerna looked down on the scene, questions filling her mind. She hurried to Hitomi's other side – checked her pulse. There was none.

CPR, she thought, just like that time before…

Van's eyes remained focused.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 – a nasty crackle of ribs breaking - 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 –

breathe, breathe

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 –

breathe, breathe

"Come _on_, Hitomi."

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 –

* * *

She was standing at the edge of a cliff this time – a cliff that overlooked the Fanelian capitol inner city. The brown dirt crunched under her feet as she stepped forward to get a better view. But what was she doing here? 

Hitomi felt a trickle of wetness down her abdomen.

She gasped, her hands raising to clutch her stomach. She looked down at her hands. Covered in blood. Her stomach – it had been cut out!

The baby…the baby!

Her eyes went wide and she looked up into the darkening sky – no sound came – but her scream of anguish and fear spasmed in her body…

The ground underneath her shifted once – twice – and opened up to the forest below!

Her surprise got to her before she could try to scream again. She fell – faster and faster with gravity.

She looked up from her descent as a bright light flashed –

_VAN!_

His wide wingspan folded behind him to allow him to pick up speed. His bright red eyes focused in on her, his expression of frantic worry. He was panicking, she realized. His hands reached for her desperately – and she tried to pull towards him.

CRACK!

She fell through the trees, her chest splitting at the ribs and filling the air with red –

_No, no,_ she wailed in her mind, her face pinched in desperation and confusion, _he's supposed to save me…!_

She plummeted through the trees, and landed with a terrible thud – her feet, arms, and head slamming against rock and earth. She looked up with dead eyes, and he made his descent through the trees – his wings detracted his chest bare.

Van's deep auburn eyes were filled with unshed tears, his face flushed and red. He placed his hands over her chest.

What? You can't revive someone's who's dead by falling…

He pumped his arms, she felt each crack and pump of her heart.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 –

Her chest filled with air –

_I know this,_ she thought, _this is just like in Freid. Van saved me there. _

_He's with me now!

* * *

_

He's here!

Her eyes went wide – a corpse revived! Her body clenched together as she rolled to her side, coughing and trying to regain control of her body.

"Hitomi!"

She knew that timber of baritone! "Van," She said weakly, releasing the tension in her body and trying to turn over. She was met with his relieved, startled gaze. Millerna was there, too – along with a bunch of people that were fuzzy in her sight – in the background –

"Hitomi…" Suddenly there were arms around her, clutching to her back and she was very warm, covered by a large, warm body. Tears clutched in her eyes, she felt gross, muddled, and totally disoriented.

"Where am I? Van…you're here."

"Yes," he said softly. "I'm here. It's okay now." He cradled her head in his neck. Hitomi felt immense pain in her chest, in her groin. But Van was with her, holding her. Despite all that was happening, she managed to get a good, strong sense of him. He was bigger; she felt it in the arms that pressed her to him, stronger. His voice – even with that same tongue and distinct timber, was deeper. What was going on? He smelled of the rain…

"You're here. You're really here…" She looked so relieved. Van's eyebrows came together. He was confused -

"Van," Millerna's soft voice interjected, "You cracked her ribs while reviving her. She needs to be bandaged and given some pain treatment, before she passes out again."

Van nodded to Millerna. He looked down into Hitomi's teary eyes, and saw her fear. "I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here."

Hitomi nodded like a child. She finally acknowledged her bodily damage and cringed. Van carefully pulled her legs together and put his arm underneath her knees, and splayed his other hand to support her back. She gasped from the pain, but he moved her quickly to the medical bed again.

He took her hand and she clenched it, looking up at him with a grateful half-smile, as good as she could give him under the circumstances. Rustling bodies were heard, but Hitomi didn't look at anything except Millerna and Van.

She watched him the entire time Millerna set her up. He was intent on her, staying just where he was, not moving an inch – completely devoted. His presence was like a cool river, flowing through her body and calming her. His determined eyes soaked in her face, her changed appearance.

_Would their son have his eyes?_, she wondered.

Her face widened and she looked away in shock. Everything came back to her – and she suddenly knew why she was in this predicament right now. She cried, sobbed. How could she have been so selfish? She didn't understand how Van had gotten there with such impeccable timing, but the fact remained at what she had almost done.

To leave a child alone in this world! She looked back at Van, his gaze now concerned and confused, trying to calculate her swing in emotions.

He doesn't understand anything right now, she thought, guilt coming over her. Dread shadowed her eyes, and she couldn't look at him, only clench his hand tighter as he covered her hand with both of his. He ran his thumb over her palm in a loving gesture. She could have choked.

_I love him so much._

She looked up at him in shame. How cruel fate was! How cruel _she_ was.

A sting like a large bee shot through her arm.

"She needs sleep - rest." Millerna said. Van nodded. Hitomi's vision began to go fuzzy.

He laid her head gently back on her pillow, pressing his lips softly to her forehead. She reached out and ran her hand along his jaw, smiling sleepily as her pain washed away and her body warmed. Her eyes closed as she felt his warm hand on her cheek. And she slept.

Millerna looked at them for a long moment, unable to say anything. Van looked so confused, but so determined. It was a strange expression. She didn't know what to say.

Luckily, Dryden, who seemed to come out of no where, helped her with that, "Van, come on, let's get you cleaned up and fed."

He didn't answer for a minute, thoughtfully stroking Hitomi's matted honey hair.

"Van…?" Millerna eased.

"Yes. Just…give me a moment."

She nodded, and in seconds Van was alone again with the woman he loved.

She had left so abruptly, claiming all of these things that, as he thought about them since their time apart, just didn't make sense. He had so many questions and such anger and resentment towards her for leaving him like that, but what he had witnessed seemed to wash all of that away – and only his deep, lasting love for her remained. She had suffered just as much – if not seemingly worse.

"Hitomi…" He whispered, pushing away strands of damp hair from her forehead, "What happened to you?"

* * *

Hey, everyone! I'm so glad I finally updated! I bet you are, too! The holiday season has been giving me a whole lot of free time, so I'll be updating again soon (much sooner than I did on this one, I'm really sorry about that.) 

Anyway, Merry Christmas and Happy holidays, even though it is a bit tardy for that. I hope everyone enjoys their New Year's!

Love,

Cev


	20. Forming Decisions

Wow…it's been eons. EONS.

I don't think this chapter can possibly recompense for my elongated absence, but at least with its update you now realize that I'm back up, alive and kicking! : ) ….a year later…

I'll be using the next couple of weeks to update most of my stories and pick up where I left off so long ago. I hope that you guys can forgive me and come back to me! I'm like the prodigal…daughter..?? So let me come back into your arms and feast, drink, and be merry!

Speaking of merriment, with holidays on the way, I'll be able to gift you guys with some delicious fan art (after I fix my scanner…) before the holidays come in full swing. Exciting, no?? If you'd like to check out my art, I've got a site up on deviantart: .com

Okay. So here it is. Enjoy. Don't kill me.

* * *

Sing a Lullaby

By Cev

Chapter Eighteen: Forming Decisions

* * *

Raoul wasn't sure what would happen if he was caught, but in his current mindset, he didn't care. The door was shut, but he knew that it was only Hitomi behind it – Fanelia had stubbornly wished to stay in the room overnight, but apparently had fallen asleep in the middle of his meal. Dryden had helped the exhausted king upstairs to the room he usually resided in while staying in Asturia, and thus was the only reason Raoul made his way to Hitomi's side while the sun was rising.

Risking gods-know-what by going against Dryden's fiery orders to not see Hitomi, the ex-knight sat for a long time next to her sleeping form in the early morning light. Grey faded to light blue as he watched her soft breathing; she definitely looked a great deal more peaceful than when he first saw her. Raoul had not seen the baby yet – the child was being kept under close surveillance by two of Dryden's personal guards. Furthermore, despite the infamous speed in which rumors raced across the Asturian Royal Palace, Raoul had not heard one word about Hitomi, the Fanelian King, or the newborn. He was astounded.

Leaning back in his chair, Raoul brought his hand to his face, scratching his stubby, unshaved chin. Now that Lord Van was here, would Hitomi go back to Fanelia? Wouldn't she resume the life she had supposedly left? Raoul wasn't sure. Had Hitomi told Van about his child? Was the reason why the baby was kept under such tight wraps because Van didn't want word getting out about it, or was it Dryden was keeping it from Van? Certainly the Asturian public had no affair in it, but it seemed to Raoul that at least the men and women of Van's guard would know – and to top it all off, he, Alicia, and Dmitri were interrupted late last night during their meal by one of Dryden's men – and were asked explicitly to not speak of any of the matters that had occurred recently to anyone, and if they were going to discuss it themselves, to please do so "without prodding ears nearby"! They were unused to such censoring, but it felt that the information, if leaked, could cause problems far bigger than royal drama.

It was still bigger than Raoul could understand – that he had an inclination of. So did his sister and brother-in-law; and so they were convinced to keep it from outside knowledge.

While he mused, Hitomi stirred. The world began fuzzy, and all she could really think about was the pulsing in her nether-regions. Unsure of where she was or what she was doing, she opened her eyes fully, taking in her surroundings, and, consequently, taking in Raoul's familiar form leaned back, staring at her thoughtfully, but with an expression that was more introverted than focused on where he was looking – her.

"Raoul."

Her voice was a shock, and he was broken from his reverie. It seemed ages since he heard its soft tone. He looked at her with intent, now – and even though she had been sleeping soundly, she still seemed a bit tired. She looked bright, though – glowing.

"Hitomi…" The way in which he breathed her name could have made him blush in any other circumstance – but he was so happy and relieved to see and feel her gaze on him. He reached out to squeeze her hand.

She kindly squeezed it back, smiling softly – if not a little sadly. A short, awkward pause broke their time.

But Raoul had a purpose for coming to the room at this time – he was sure they didn't have much left, as Fanelia would probably be coming back before noon. "Hitomi, what's happening? Not a word's been spread about the castle about this. This whole business must be the best secret Astoria's castle has ever been capable to keep so tightly under wraps. It seems that anyone who says anything about it has been threatened with their very lives by the King himself!"

Hitomi gave a long sigh, but it seemed one that was more of a relief. She slowly sat up. "That's good – that keeps my options open, at least."

"Hitomi," Raoul was puzzled by her response, and very impatient at this time, "I really don't know-"

"I'm sorry, Raoul, but," Hitomi interrupted him before he could go on to more questions, "I really can't tell you anything, except that I think it's wise, for the safety of many people, that Van doesn't find out about the child…"

"What?! How is that possible? Hitomi, he's going to put things together from what he saw last night – and isn't it his child, anyway? How can just that information cause problems for anyone other than those directly affected by it?!"

At this point Hitomi was getting angry – and not just at the questions Raoul was asking – perhaps it was just all the pressure. Whatever it was, it was pissing her off. Her voice rose; "Look, Raoul, there's a lot of things you don't know – a lot of political pressures on Fanelia right now. I am not even a married woman, and Van's a King! For if only the sake of that child's life, I've got to keep him secret! Do you think this can all turn into one big happy ending?! Why do you care? What have you got out of it all?!" Immediately after saying it, Hitomi could feel her cheeks reddening, but she didn't apologize.

The mood in the room changed in a flash. Raoul has quieted. He looked to the left, at a painting above the basin beside her bed – anything to keep his eyes occupied. He knew she was just voicing her own frustrations, but after a few short breaths of calming down, he just felt like leaving for good. It seemed hopeless. They hadn't even known each other for that long. She was the lover of a King. He looked up at her decidedly. There was just no way she didn't know, right? "You just don't get it, do you?"

Hitomi looked down – she couldn't keep eye contact with him. But Raoul felt that she understood. "We don't even know each other very-"

At that point, Raoul stood up abruptly – the sharp sound of a chair scraping across the floor silencing the young woman. That said it all. "I'm afraid I'll have to leave now – I have many errands to run today. I hope your day goes well, My Lady."

Hitomi held up her hand, "Wait-"

He bowed, and walked out the door.

"Raoul! Please!" She tried to move and get up, but her chest was in too much pain. Flinching, she gingerly lowered herself to sit back on the pillows.

Hitomi sighed. Things had just gotten even more muddled. But Raoul's visit did prompt her to think about the future. What was she going to say? Keep the child from Van, and watch Fanelia from afar, quietly fighting Hiarmaz in her own way? Or tell Van everything – and accept whatever choices he made – additionally risking his and the child's life by exposing things to Hiarmaz? Only Raoul, Dryden and Millerna knew of the baby's paternal lineage. From an outsider's viewpoint, it certainly did look like it was Raoul's child. At this thought, Hitomi flushed considerably. Raoul already reminded her so much of Van. Despite all of this, the two choices she had in front of her looked equally bad.

A maid knocked on the door, and Hitomi's attention was thankfully diverted from such heavy matters. The young girl was carrying a relatively small bundle of soft yellow fabric. Hitomi's heart skipped a beat as she realized what precious thing was tucked in the blanket.

"I figured, since you were up, you would like to feed him?" She asked.

Hitomi smiled softly and delicately reached out her arms – careful of the cloth that supported her broken ribcage. Despite her injuries, she felt she would be fine with breastfeeding. "I will need help.." She looked up at the small girl, motioning to her chest. The girl nodded earnestly, and Hitomi gently took the baby from her, with her supporting hands.

"Cute newborn" would be a flat-out lie. All newborns resembled more alien than human qualities. His soft skin was still bruised, mottled and splotchy – and his head was still slightly misshapen from the pressures of birth. Despite that – Hitomi's fingers gingerly smoothed out his black hair, and ran her touch across tiny folds in his pudgy form. Feeling this flesh that was of her own body metaphysically blew her heart and mind out of herself. The world and its complicated political matters seemed inconsequential when confronted with the miracle of conceiving child – and the connection between parent and offspring. Total protectiveness engulfed Hitomi completely- her heart cried out to his squirming form. She gently readied herself to breastfeed – it proved to be a difficult task, even with the help of the young maid.

"My own," Hitomi whispered, tears pooling – threatening to drop over her bottom eyelid. She couldn't believe she had been so distraught and uncaring of her child last night. She felt now she could weather any loss – any challenges for this small, soft child. "My Azin."

Millerna came is just as the morning sun was clearing up the grey Astorian sea morning. She smiled from the door, watching Hitomi dote on the newborn.

Hitomi and the maid realized the queen had entered, and the maid bowed and retreated to a corner of the room as to make herself unseen. Hitomi smiled widely, relieved to have her friend's company.

"How are you faring?" Millerna asked, noting with her eyes Hitomi's wrapped chest.

Hitomi sighed a little. "I think the emotional issues are outweighing the physical ones right now."

Millerna nodded in understanding, "It's not easy," she murmured knowingly, watching Hitomi in a way that only mothers can. She gingerly sat on the bed next to her, squeezing her friend's arm in comfort. "I saw Raoul come out of here just a while ago. He seemed pretty upset when he left."

"Yes." Hitomi breathed out, closing her eyes. She was truly glad Millerna was there. "You probably shouldn't mention this to Dryden."

"I won't, Gods forbid." Millerna said, "He's being really overprotective of you and the child. I think he sees you as a little sister."

"That would be nice." A silence passed, and Hitomi mustered some courage to continue with the difficult issue. She titled Azin up, examining his face to keep her eyes away from Millerna's inquisitive gaze. Her fingers trailed over his large shoulder blades – pronounced so much she could feel them through the blanket. "Do you know the situation with Hiarmaz and Fanelia right now?"

"Yes – Van's been working day and night trying to get out of it."

Hitomi swallowed, feeling guilty for leaving Van on his own. It wasn't because she thought he couldn't handle it – he was a very capable dignitary. But she felt bad leaving the person she loved alone. "When I first came back – I was about three months along at that time, I became aware of Hiarmaz's economic power over Fanelia, and also the plan for Shandra and Van to be engaged." At this point Hitomi could feel Millerna's glare of distaste for even mentioning the girl's name, "I thought it best to pull back from view as to not obstruct Van's decisions in any possible way. Also…since this one wasn't really in the plan" she motioned to the dozing boy in her arms, "I really didn't think it was appropriate to stay and face that sort of breech and embarrassment."

Millerna scoffed, "I think you'll find the Fanelian people pretty accepting of a legitimate heir-"

"He's NOT legitimate! That's the problem-"

"Fanelian protocol is not as strict as Asturia's," Millerna interrupted. "But, _as I was saying_, I think you'll find them much happier with you as the figure by Van's side than a foreign, demeaning princess, with a troublesome and pompous King such as Hiarm shadowing over them. Wouldn't the best solution be to figure out a way to get around Hiarmaz, out of their power? That's what Van's trying so hard to do! Weren't you guys engaged before Shandra, anyway? To most Gaean people, that's as strong as saying that you're already married."

"You give me too much hope," Hitomi said dejectedly, "But Millerna – this sort of thing could play into Hiarmaz's political moves in all the wrong ways. Timing is everything – I don't want Van to try to shield me or do something he shouldn't when he's supposed to be keeping his people a priority. I think it's best if I'm not in Fanelia, and not with Van – despite how much it kills me – I can't think that just because the happiness of two people should be justified by the toiling troubles of a whole nation!"

To this Millerna had nothing to say, but she took a haggard breath, and looked the girl from the Mystic Moon directly in the eye. "Hitomi, I'm going to say one more thing and then drop it." Hitomi nodded unsuredly, not used to seeing Millerna so serious. "You fell in love with Van. You got involved with him and Fanelia – on a very large political scale – from the moment you showed up here. So it's useless to think that you"-she motioned to the gurgling baby-"or anything _of _you can escape being pulled into that same political sphere. Such a life will always have some form of danger associated with it. It's the way of life. You know you're just putting the inevitable off, right?"

Hitomi sighed. Millerna was dead right, but with Azin tucked into her embrace it was a difficult thing to accept. She refused to compromise the safety of her child. There was no reasoning with her on this one – when she was well, she would not return to Fanelia.

Millerna was surprised as the fierce determination in Hitomi's eyes swelled. She had hoped that she could convince Hitomi of something – anything, but at the moment she knew it was fruitless. She dropped her intense gaze, and deflated. "So what do you plan to do now?" She asked after a sad acceptance. "Dryden and I will do our best to help you. You are planning on staying here, right? You're not to return to the Mystic Moon?"

Hitomi considered it before shaking her head, "There's no way I could return – he's not a normal human."

Millerna nodded. "I wish I could be of more help, Hitomi – but there's little information out there on Draconian people as it is. I've gotten no where looking for anatomy guidance in the palace's libraries or the city's."

"No – I know it's difficult, don't worry about it. I think it would be important for me to find out everything I can, though." She took a long look at Azin, "It's really frustrating when I don't really know what to expect. I wonder how Varie did it. I wish she were here to help me." Hitomi paused, wanting to say more. But her mouth wouldn't move. Her eyes become teary – her cheeks reddening. Millerna tensed – expecting her to burst into tears. The young blond, though, squeezed her eyes shut, hiding her pain in her child's blanket. Millerna swallowed hard, coming up to embrace Hitomi from behind.

"You've got so many people that love and support you," Millerna whispered, stroking Hitomi's hair like a sister, trying to calm her down. "Hitomi – you'll never be in want of friends here. We'll all help you, in any way we can."

"I know," Hitomi sniffed. "I'm sorry. I should keep my spirits up – if only for this one here."

"He is rather cute." Millerna smiled happily.

"Millerna…" Hitomi paused, trying to find appropriate words, "I don't have any family here on Gaea, even though I know so many people. I didn't want Azin to be left alone if something ever happened to me. And in the future too – I want him to have people he can look up to…"

Millerna knew where this was going. She smiled so big and honestly Hitomi thought her face would stretch.

"I was wondering – if perhaps, it wasn't any trouble and wasn't going against any Asturian customs, if you and Dryden-"

"Could become his family?" Millerna offered softly, her eyes dancing happily.

"Yes – Adoptive Aunt and Uncle." Hitomi smiled – looking up with happiness.

"Oh, Hitomi– yes, yes, yes! In all actuality, Dryden and I were hoping you would do the same for our children." Millerna tactfully left out the part of her hoping that request would come with the couple of Hitomi and Van as what the Asturians called Parents of Light – and what the Fanelians referred to as _ruahsti_. The custom was old and technically outdated – but the royal families of the two countries were strongly connected by the War. Millerna wanted Van to be her twins' male counterpart of their Parents of Light, but she would have to wait until things smoothed out, which she hoped and sensed that they would. Until then, the official ceremony would have to wait.

But of all this she didn't speak. The girls were happily basking in each other's common bonds of parenthood, glad that they could continue their friendship. Hitomi needed support, and Millerna felt her old self more strongly than ever. She was gaining confidence again, and felt the love around her for those dear to her stronger than ever. She would protect Hitomi at all costs.

"For now," Millerna said, getting up to start preparing herself for afternoon audiences, "You should rest, and keep Azin out of sight. Van's being held busy by Dryden against his will – he'll probably show up here sooner than you might expect. Finish up with the baby and take a bath, and mentally prepare yourself. For now, Dryden and I will stay out of this affair."

Hitomi smiled sadly, nodding, "Thank you."

Millerna was just about to walk out the door, right after the nurse who took Azin back to the wet-nurses' nursery, when she paused at the door. "You know, girl from the Mystic Moon," She said firmly, formally, "It may seem impossible, but you're the one who defied Fate with love. It may seem like a myth, but to a lot of people it's a truth. I don't think you're in as a precarious situation as you may believe. Fanelia is a remote, unique place, and Fanelian politics revolve on caring, understanding people."

Hitomi was left alone at that. She breathed in deeply, shakily. She leaned back into her mattress, fingering the bandages that supported her broken ribs. She closed her eyes – tears falling from the sides of her eyes and onto the bed sheets. After holding on for so long onto what she thought was the right thing – Hitomi had no idea. She covered her face with her hands, praying for clarity – praying for an answer.

The dim blue morning light left her with nothing.

* * *

Peace, love, and happy holidays, y'all.

Always,

_Cev_


End file.
